I'm tired of being a sexual being because i'm catholic and am mostly gay

I'm Catholic and have very strong homosexual tendencies. My sexuality is like this: Very few heterosexual feelings for strangers, very strong homosexual feelings for random guys I see on the street. I have a pubic hair fetish. I get extremely aroused at seeing a hairy penis, no matter how old the person is (unless they are elderly). A bald penis or pubic area is not in the least bit attractive to me, no matter who it's on. I imagine all young males who are hairy naked. Just seeing a mature young guy makes me want to beat off, even if they aren't naked. I feel the only way I could experience heterosexual feelings is if i get to know the right woman and then fall in love.

The main reason I'm not openly gay is because I don't want to encourage it so I won't act out. I REALLY DON'T want to go to hell. I used to masturbate every day for an hour, but I've been told by most priests that it's a damnable offense. I go to confession regularly, and I just went 2 days ago. My desire is to bond with other guys and masturbate and cuddle with them. I'm not into any kind of anal or oral sex. I've had a few chances for this, but i haven't given in. There is no way anyone can convince me that hell isn't real. I WILL NOT take such a risk.

I've already screwed up since my last confession. I saw a teen nudist, who is of legal age, in my quora news feed. I clicked and started browsing teen and 20's penis pictures. It made me extremely horny to see all these hairy dicks and now I really want to beat off, fantasize and cum. I'm an usher at church and I will be at mass tomorrow. I plan on taking communion since I haven't masturbated yet and my last confession was about 48 hours ago. I'll do my best to time my next masturbation session right before I can confess again. I really try to avoid this but sometimes it's impossible.

I know that because of hell, I can't be gay and sexually active. I can't be sexually active unless I'm married to a woman. I REALLY NEED a place to put my penis, or I will always be conflicted and worried about my afterlife like i am today. I can't take this anymore. I just want to be a good person and at least make it to purgatory. When I masturbate, I moan and pretend like I'm fucking a woman, even though I'm usually picturing hot hairy dicks in my mind. When I fantasize about a woman, I feel a lot less stimulated the with gay fantasies.

I'm really tired of this. All I can do right now as hope that I die in a repentant state right after confession before I can screw up again. I keep confessing to the two priests at my parish, and I'm sure they are getting tired of the same old things from me. I'm really terrified. I feel like both my sexuality and religion are ruining my life. My most important goal is to get into heaven. I feel like I might have a sex addiction. Please give me advice, but don't try to make me an athiest because it will not work.

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  • most people are horny. and most religious people are ashamed of it. especially queer people, since we've been basically taught there's something inherently wrong with us. as an atheist i'm pretty angry at religions for how much they tend to be used to oppress people. from my point of view, it's the main thing religions do. they're weapons. but since you said that you will never be an atheist, you could reflect and try to reframe your problem from a theistic perspective. for instance... do you truly believe god is good? if so, why would he have made you "wrong"? maybe fully accepting yourself would mean fully accepting the gift of life that god gave you? either way, there's nothing wrong with being gay or bi or what have you. man, i wish i could just remove your fear of hell. relax, you're fine.

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  • Cool.

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