I'm fine with already-trans people, but not people i know "coming out"?

When I meet a person who is transgendered, I do not care that they were not born the gender they are now. And I usually have no trouble seeing them as their current gender. And I fully support their right to be trans.

But when someone I know "comes out" as transgender, it irritates me. Even if it's someone I don't know well, and I know I have no business judging their decision. For some reason it frustrates me, when someone I know changes their gender. If it's someone I've known a long time, I even feel anger.

Anyone else?

Voting Results
46% Normal
Based on 13 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 24 )
  • Doesnormalmatter

    I'm the opposite. It bugs me when trans people expect me to treat them like the gender they 'identify' as, but I have not much provblem if someone just wants to switch. You can do whatever you want with your body its only an issue when you make me treat you like a woman and call you one when you have a cock and balls.

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    • leggs91200

      I doubt then that you will ever have to interact with one of us. We know some have problems and are therefore careful about who we associate with. We know when people have a problem with us and will do what we can to avoid interaction.
      In my experience it is typically young black men who insist on calling me "he".

      It is not like dealing with teachers, drill sargents, cops, or other people in person who try to demand respect. Those of us wo have lived this for years know it does no good to try to correct someone when they are being blatantly disrespectful. We can tell who is trying to give us a hard time VS someone who really doesn't know how to refer to one of us.

      Alright, I don't know you RL but from reading your posts, you seem like a decent guy. I find it a bit hard to believe that you would be THAT inconvenienced to just use whatever pronouns someone prefers.

      Us transgenders are not asking for anything more than a little common courtesy. Calling us "she" (for male-to-females at least) isn't a sign you want to sleep with us or even associate more than necessary.

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      • Doesnormalmatter

        It is kind of a sticking point with people and I understand that. I wish I could just be fine calling someone whatever but I just goes to against what I know. I haven't met any trans people in real life and maybe I could get used to it if I knew them for a while but there is no way to say for sure. I still don't really understand why its so important to be called what you identify as but just from the outside looking in I see that as something I will never understand. I appreciate you being reasonable either way tho.

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        • leggs91200

          So more of the fact that knowing about it gets in the way more than it is about hate?
          Wanting to be called by female pronouns, for male-to-female, it is just kind of a validation. Being called "He" just feels icky.
          Well, let me explain it in a language that you and I can relate -

          You are a weight trainer and I once was. You and I have both had this chat with others in our lives -

          Them - Hey you lift?
          Us - Yeah (feeling proud and quietly flexing)
          Them - How much you bench?
          Us - (whatever max or 10 rep weight or whatever)
          Them - That is pretty good but, I know this one guy who does twice that just warming up...
          And they go on to say how this guy they know is also a 7th degree black belt in Fu man choo kung fu or Too wong fu or whatever.
          Then there is that feeling of "Oh well thanks a lot, shit head." Like they just HAVE to discredit you.

          Well, that is kind of how us TG feel about being misgendered. Of course, for the "one up" analogy, I have actually had people ask questions about my transgenderness and at some point say, "I knew this one TG but with her, you could never tell she used to be a man".
          Like, OHHHH... well thank you, you condescending asshole".

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          • Doesnormalmatter

            Thats an interesting example haha. It still doesn't totally make sense but I'm trying. When conversations like that happen you do kinda get that "why did you have to bring that up" feeling but my ego is not damaged by shit like that like it used to be.

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    • palepunk

      I have an issue calling cis people like you by the ‘gender you identify as’.

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      • Doesnormalmatter

        Explain??? Youa aren't actually that gender. So identify is exactly that, it doesn't change what you are. I don't understand where your problem is.

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  • Nikclaire

    How often does this actually happen? Trans people are 0.6% of the population in the U.S.

    The media and people on forums would have you believe they are everywhere but I doubt this occurs a lot in your life. If it does you are hanging out in the "scene" and it's your own fault.

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    • I think if it really was only one person who I knew I think I would have a much easier time with it.

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      • Nikclaire

        What is it that you are into that is attracting such a large number? Seems skewed to me. I'm guessing your interests have something to do with this.

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        • Perhaps it's a generational thing. I am in my early 30s, a "Millennial."

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    • One friend from high school, an ex boyfriend from college, and a regular on a forum I've frequented for years, have all come out as trans in the last decade. And all of them had VERY significant mental problems beforehand (and I don't mean you're run-of-the-mill depression/ADD/bipolar, I'm talking really out there).

      There is also a fourth one, a friend of a friend, who I met *after* they had already come out.

      That's not counting the two YouTubers from Channel Awesome who have come out since leaving the site, nor the countless trans people around the internet.

      EDIT: I also forgot, another college-friend's oldest daughter is now her "son."

      EDIT #2: And a teenage girl at a theater I used to volunteer at referring to her obviously female friend as "he."

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    • curious-bunny

      Pretty much. I'm most peoples first trans person

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      • leggs91200

        I think even for us TG, WE don't typically know more than a couple others.
        It is kind of nice to have some TG acquaintance because we can discuss issues on a level we understand. When we ask certain things, it is more for advice and comparing notes. When cis people do it, it feels more invasive.

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      • Nikclaire

        I know a few and one is a good friend, but I know them all through A.A, not my average day to day life.

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  • RoseIsabella

    I can't really relate to this, but I'm thinking that perhaps you feel betrayed on some level, because you knew this person as one gender, and now the person is telling you they want to be another gender.

    This is a complicated issue, and I personally think it's one of those issues where it's not uncommon for one to have a myriad of different emotions, even experience somewhat of a cognitive dissonance. I personally think that a good policy that one can adopt would simply be to tell oneself, "there but for me grace of God go I".

    I hope my comments have been of some help.

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  • DeadRatKing

    What about people who are transspecies? I'm a trans dog, a dog in the body of a human. It seems that society still lacks awareness of issues that affect those of us who are transspecies.

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    • NobodyKnows

      You transdogs want all the attention. I for one am a transfirehydrant....wanna hook up?

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  • JellyBeanBandit

    I guess it might take a little getting used to calling them by a different name and using different pronouns, but I don't see why it would be frustrating or make anyone angry.

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  • TREND, Not trensetters

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  • curious-bunny

    Frankly I dont care what ones opinion if us is. As long as they show us the respect to call it z by our name and pronouns so much hardship can be avoided. It's like people who hate black people. Can you imagine all the drama in there life if they called someone the n word every single time? It's much easier to swallow your distaste for a moment to prevent any fights

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    • Nikclaire

      It's not about swallowing distaste. Calling a man with a dick a woman doesn't come naturally to people. If I asked you to call me "Nikki the great" because I think I am great, it wouldn't come naturally to you. It's really very simple and not a slight against you.

      The other thing is, I don't like being told to use pronouns inaccurately. I would have no problem calling someone trans but I'm not calling a man a woman.

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  • Mrown

    it is kinda uncomfortable and awkward, even with people I don't know much, like my friend's trans-brother

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    • Personally, I seriously do not care if they've changed genders *after* I meet them. If I learn someone I'm talking to used to be the opposite sex, I'm just like, "Oh, that's interesting."

      But when someone I thought I knew announces they're going to change their body and identity, it's frustrating... especially with all the other things surrounding this issue.

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