I'm clinically depressed and it's my best friends fault

I have a best friend that I've known since high school. We're both 22 year old guys. I feel very attached to him and i used to see him everyday at high school and at college. I never saw him over the summer because he was too busy. After last summer there was suddenly no contact and he seemingly disappeared from campus. I want about 8 months wondering what had happened to him. We both know a girl at college and I was finally able to see her on Wednesday. I asked her about him and i got the shock of my life. he has a girlfriend and is trying to become a police officer. My heart was utterly ripped out, though i'm truly grateful that i found out. I looked his girlfriend up on facebook only to find that she is my THERAPIST'S DAUGHTER! I have been telling my therapist about my best friend since I've been seeing her. i told her that i would be utterly crushed if my friend dated or forgot about me completely. In 30 minutes, i will see my therapist again and tell her about this new development. I have no idea how she will react when she connects her daughter's boyfriend to my best friend who I've been complaining about. i really want my therapist to help me with my best friend, since she almost certainly knows him. i don't know what she'll say to this. I at least want closure in the relationship. What i really want is to just be his friend again. Also, the girl he's dating is 18 and for some reason this has struck me. i'm really anxious and possibly clinically depressed. I took multiple quizzes from reputable sites online. I put this question on discussion because i don't know what else to ask or say. i still can't believe this happened after he supposedly "ghosted" me. Please help me.

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 11 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • People will come into and out of your life, for your whole life. Get used to it.

    Your friend is not responsible for your depression, which is a medical condition. Talk to your therapist about dealing with the condition, and once that is established, maybe you can talk about your friend, with a clear mind.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I can see why he ghosted you, you are needy and clingy. He moved on, you need to as well. Grow up and move on with your life.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • If this is the plot for Netflix’s next 1 season wonder then bring it on.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    • -
    • What show?

      ehh what would I know, I am still wondering if Designing Women would have lasted more than seven seasons if they had not fired Delta Burke after the 5th season.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Depression is no one's fault.

    Your desired relationship is unhealthy. You do not own your friend. He is entitled to a life.

    Sounds like you'll need to get a new therapist, too. She's too closely involved now and it doesn't sound like you're able to separate personal and professional.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • The hard thing about graduating HS or college is that people tend to scatter. In a single day, you leave one life and start a new one.

    It is like one day your entire social life is a certain group of people then one day it vanishes. I would think he would want to stay in touch though since you two ran around for so long.

    I am 44 now and to this day I still believe that somewhere between ages 18 and 22 is when we get the biggest "reality slap". It is when we finally realize we are not kids anymore. It is when the world suddenly expects us to act like grown-ups even though we know little to nothing about the real world yet.

    Here is the good news - New friends will enter your life at various times. You do not know when or who they will be. Maybe one of your best friends at some point in the future hasn't even been born yet; he or she will be in their 20's when you meet and you will be in your 40's. Maybe someone will approach you with a dumb question and you get to bullshitting and then years later still hanging out.
    You never know.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • You realize your therapist isn't obligated to interfere in your friends life, right? People change, people date, and they drift apart. He has a life now and you should work on finding one too. Your obsession is unhealthy and it's only going to get worse if you don't move on. Sometimes people never get closure and this is one of those situations where you're not going to get it. He's moved on from you and I can see why.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • dating an 18 yr old? nonce!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • You need to let this guy go.

    You're feeling hurt and lonely and rejected, and that's okay, and at the same time you need to recognize that he has no obligation to feel the same way about you that you feel about him.

    It's okay to feel the way that you're feeling, it's okay to be hurting. At the same time, you need to recognize that these are your feelings to deal with. You can't put all of your emotional well-being and stability onto one person, that just isn't sustainable. You need to develop a support network with multiple people that you can lean on, and learn healthy coping skills so that you can take care of yourself better when you're feeling overwhelmed like this.

    Talk to your therapist. Tell her about what's going on and how you're feeling, that's what she's there for! If you or she isn't comfortable meeting because of this, like if one of you feels it's a conflict of interest or would be detrimental to your treatment, you need to figure out how to move forward. Ask her if she knows of any other therapists nearby that she could refer you to.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Let that bird spread its wings and fly.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • So what are you saying about the dating thing? Is he not supposed to date anyone? You must live in a really small town if he's dating your therapist's daughter. What do you expect your therapist to do, forbid his, or her daughter from seeing your friend for your sake? What is wrong with wanting to be a police officer?

    I'm truly sorry that you, and your friend lost touch, but perhaps you were, too desperate, needy, and demanding for his taste. He has a right to date other young adults, just like anyone else his age.

    What you need is to work towards acceptance so you can get over this.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
Add A Comment