I like him and he has a girlfriend, what do i do now?

This guy in my class used to stare at me constantly, and I'll admit I stared at him a bit too since he was cute. He also consistently goes out of his way to sit next to me. He doesn't talk to me, just sits directly next to me unless one of his friends calls him over to sit by them. I immediately gained a small crush on him.

Then, I walked into class at the last period of the day one day (and the same person was sitting in my seat and wouldn't move, as per usual,) so I walked up to the back of the classroom and sat down in a random chair and started on my work.

After a while, he walked in and sat next to me with his friend and they started talking. I finished all my work in a short time, and was really bored, so I thought "well, this cute guy is sitting by me, I guess I'll talk to him." I said hello, we had a conversation, I enjoyed talking to him so I asked for his Instagram to talk to him more.

So, I message him later after school and we discover that we have SO many things in common. It was like we were reading each other's minds. Every time one of us brought up that we liked something, by some miracle, the other had the exact same interest.

I go to school the next day, talk to him a bit more, then I get home and message him for a bit before asking him if he wants to hang out outside of school maybe, and he drops the bombshell on me that he has a girlfriend. "So what are you doing this weekend?" "I don't know, maybe I'll hang out with my girlfriend."

I'm just kinda disappointed. Sure, I barely know him, but I've never had this much in common with one person before, and someone's already snatched him up. Should I still pursue him but be sneaky about it? Should I just be his friend? Should I stop talking to him? Should I wait until they might break up and then shoot my shot? I don't know what to do!

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Comments ( 8 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Sounds like me and my high school bf before we started dating. He had this on and off girlfriend and he may have ended up with me for about a year but the whole thing was trouble to say the very least.
    First mistake is even thinking about trusting someone who's flirting with you while in a commited relationship. Like you said you dont know him but that he's showing interest is all you need to know. Its easy to romanticize someone whos basically a stranger.

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  • Id just keep talking to him if I were you. Yall are in school the likelyhood of his relationship lasting is nearly 0 anyway. If they were married I'd probably say leave it alone. But if you like him that much and he will talk just talk to him and see where it goes.

    Just dont let him play you. He's possibly gonna try to get you to be a fuck buddy and keep his girl (what id do) but he will probably do this by lying to you about how unhappy he is with her and how hes gonna one day leave her for you. If he starts that dont fall for it. Its a lie to keep you fucking him.

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  • I wouldn't pursue him. It's disrespectful to his relationship and any guy who would be willing to leave or cheat on his current girlfriend for you isn't relationship material, as it's almost a guarantee they'll turn around and do the same thing to you with another girl. I don't see anything wrong with staying friends with him as long as you respect his relationship and both of you are on the same page about it being a strictly platonic friendship, and if somewhere along the line his girlfriend and him break up, maybe you can have a chance then. I wouldn't interfere in his current relationship, though.

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    • Bro, competition. Besides, nobody needs to dump anybody anyway. Who says you can't have 2 girlfriends at once?

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  • Well you could be girlfriend number 2. Keep going

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  • Ask him if his girlfreind someone that he is thinking of as a possible long term partner... or someone just fun to hang out with and to have sex with.

    Many people are not looking for a long term (or lifetime partner) and are only looking for someone fun to date until something better comes along.

    Others are looking long term and thinking the same.

    If he is interested in seeing if his GF is a long term match, just let him know that you would be interested if it does not work out... and then stay out of their relationship, and you should definitely wish him the best with it (support his goal now - and he knows that you will likely support his goals later if his current GF does not work out). You can be casual friends and talk about stuff and even do some minor casual get together (and he might bring his GF along).

    If he's just dating her for fun; then ask if he would be interested in having someone for a possible long term relationship possibly leading to planed children and potentially marriage.

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    • Sounds like she'd be not mind her business. You don't just barge into some other couple and ask them questions like that.
      And u realize they're probably in high school? Like, kids, marriage?

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      • Yes, people do in fact ask, and it can be done politely.

        I've been asked if I was "available" so many times in my life that I cannot even estimate how often (and perhaps a dozen times in the last decade alone).

        Prior to marrying my wife there were times when my answer was "yes" and we looked into seeing if we were compatible (and I even dated at least 2 of them).

        My wife has been asked a number of times in the last decade as well (and she normally wears her engagement and wedding rings).

        I don't know what kind of strange world you live in where people looking for romance or long term partners do not ask other people if they are available.

        It's been going on for thousands of years according to the literature I have read.

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