I hooked my girlfriend up with another guy before we got together
My neighbourhood is a pit stop for trailer trucks, and alot of drivers stop there to sleep, either in a small motel or in their vehicles. I used to hang out on the outside parking lot. One of their drivers told me he hadn't gotten laid in months, and promised me a bottle of booze if I could find him a girl who probably would be up to fuck.
Well, a girl I knew had told me she wanted to lose her virginity just to get it over with. I called her, and she showed up. Long story short, they clicked, and while I sat in the driver cabin, they had sex in the bed further behind. It was kind of impossible not to look, and for the most part, all I could see was a hairy butt going up and down. He didn't use a condom and climaxed in her twice. Both times he noisily raised himself on his arms.
The aftermath was kind of undramatic. She naturally left a spot of blood on his bed, and I followed her home after she had found her clothes. Before we left, he kept his promise, and gave me one of the bottles. The girl felt slutty, but was happy to have "gotten it over with."
A few years down the road we got together. I had more or less forgotten about the episode, but now it's coming back in every small detail. In a way, I pimped her out. She tells me it would help if we looked humorously on it all, but it's hard. The guy certainly got to blow off some steam, while I got some alcohol that got me very, very drunk. He had a good deal, in other words. Me, not so much, having had to see what happened to my future girlfriend.
How do I deal with this? It's messed up, but in a way it's a turn on. It was kind of hot when it happened too. At the same time, it's humiliating.
Should I look at it as a sexual experience to be cherished, be angry with her and me, or just try to forget about it?