I have no friends

I am 26 years old and I have no friends. I've never had friends. I've been platonic friends with some guys I met via tinder but those friendships never last, I knew they werent real friends too but I didnt care as long as I had someone to go outside with. I have stopped using Tinder now because I hate it and it is filth.
I have aspergers and social anxiety. I have had exposure therapy and it didnt work for me. I think I have selective mutism not just anxiety.
At my new job all of us are women. I feel inferior to the other women who have families and are very experienced in life. I dont talk to anyone. I never talk to people because it's like I cant form words in social situations. If I manage to get some words out I stutter because i'm so overwhelmed and anxious that my brain starts to lag.
My boss really likes me and says I am a good addition to the work group and that my coworkers agree but I cant see that they do ? The only woman I get along with is a woman in her 60s, we share the same hobbies and she's the only one who makes effort engaging me in conversation and she always comes up to me like "hiii *my name*!" and seems happy to see me. It makes me relax enough to be able to speak to her a bit. The woman I am supposed to get along best with who works in the same department as me is my age and we also share the same hobbies but I get a sense that she doesnt like me. Its very stiff between us and even when she has asked me to have lunch with her she doesnt talk to me for the entire lunch unless its to ask a quick work related question. I dont know if that means she hates me ? Sometimes everyone is standing around chatting and I am literally the only person working. I hate that and I find insufferable. Work is for working only and they could help out a bit. I do not understand these things. I want to make friends at work because I have no other place to do so but I dont know how. The only way I can ever relax enough to talk to someone a bit is if we are alone with no one listening to us talking and judging how I engage in the conversation and if I feel accepted by the other person by their vibe being good.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 6 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Bumble, the dating app, actually has a whole separate part of it dedicated to finding friendships and it seems to be pretty popular among young women

    You’re at the age now where finding friends feels incredibly hard. University, work, a partners’ family, athletic teams, organizations, those are the usual social hubs.

    Socializing is likely going to feel like work to you, think of it like getting back in the gym after a long time off, you need to build up that socialization muscle all over again and it will be sore and awkward until you start feeling progress

    Some frienddate ideas I know my wife enjoys are cooking/baking classes, pottery and craft classes, flea market and thrifting, hikes, ice skating, brunch, stuff like that.
    There is an app called AirBnB and they have a section called Experiences which will show you local classes or events hosted by people in your area.

    I think meeting some granola-outdoorsy gals will be a nice bet for you, you can go on easy hikes and find cool rocks at a creek or something. Take some outdoorsy photos

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    • I'm not sure how active Bumble is in my country but I will check it out.

      I don't like hiking and stuff. Carrying heavy packing while walking long distances is my worst nightmare and I have bad feet. Some of the other stuff sounds fine though. Only problem is I am scared to show up to something by myself, usually people join new activities with a friend or a partner (I am currently single) so it's a bit tricky because I would already be weird by showing up alone and not even being a social person. I did give volunteering a go last year at church (even though im not religious) but it was so awkward I never went again. Everyone else knew each other very well and expected more from me since I had the courage to show up. How can I go to something new and not be awkward ? I would really like to

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  • Maybe you shout try meditation & breathing exercises for anxiety.
    Seeing a counselor may help. and how about a public speaking course to gain confidence.
    I wish you luck and I think you have a few friends at work. I do not think they are all bad. also read 48 laws of power by Robert Greene.

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  • If you have to force being friends with someone or if you try to be friends and you feel uncomfortable and anxious the entire time, then it's probably better for your own well-being to not be friends with that person

    When you're working and your coworkers are standing around chatting, what bothers you more? Is it that they seem to be friendly with each other and enjoying each other's company or is it that they're slacking off when they should be working?

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    • Both bothers me. I feel excluded but I know its my fault. It bothers me too that there are things to do and only I am doing them.

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      • It's a learned skill, but hopefully you can recognize that you prefer spending time on your own over spending time with others while feeling stressed out the entire time. If you're fine with having few to no friends, there's nothing wrong with that. If there are already people who you know you'd like to be friends with, try to find any shared interests you have with them that you can maybe start to build a relationship on

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