I have feelings for him but he says this can't work?

6 Comments

I'm not saying this because I'm infatuated by him, but he's really the most handsome guy I've ever seen. I think, one of the things I like the most about him, is that he's got that Italian gene. He's German and he does look German but at the same time there's something really Italic and Mediterranean about his looks. He's got those striking blue eyes that seem even more striking because of his tanned skin and dark hair. And he's got such amazing high cheekbones, and a perfect, sleek jawline. And what a side profile too! Astonishingly handsome, nothing else to say. And I have to say, most of the time I avoid guys like him because they are jerks and just empty, but when I started talking to him, I realised he's got more than an attractive face. He's smart and intelligent, and nothing he says is stupid, he's very mature, and as a shy girl, I like the fact he's kind of an introvert too, but confident at the same time. I would always catch him stealing glances at me, but he never made a move,I did want him but I'm 32 and he's barely 18, then I just decided to listen to my heart I showed interest and he started feeling more and more comfortable around me and talking to me first, touching me, kidding around etc. and in a middle of a conversation I just said: " listen, I like you a lot. "And we started kissing. This morning he texted me and said that he feels the same but this can't work. He's from Germany, and I'm from Sweden, and we're in Italy. I do not want to lose him, but this morning I said hello to him and yes he did say hello to me back but in such a cold way I almost froze.

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Comments ( 6 )
  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    He's probably not comfortable with the age difference.

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  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    well grandma . like you said he is smart and mature and he knows it will never work. if you were smart and mature you would agree.

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    From what you wrote, it sounded to me like you two were both working in Italy over the summer and this had been going on for weeks, but now you clarify by saying you're on holiday.

    What I read was an account of sharing a moment of intimacy after a very long build-up, then him "breaking up" (as much as there was anything to break-up) by text and treating your coldly when he next saw you. That would be asshole behavior in my book.

    If it's just a holiday thing, that's different. He could have handled it better, but he's really not much more than a kid, so that's perhaps excusable. Interesting how you're now defending him when the tone of your original post was hurt and disappointment.

    What you've had is a holiday infatuation, and you've got enough life experience to know that's what it was. Ships that pass, and all that. It happens. Eyes meet, heart rate increases, chest gets tight, head gets light. Everyone over the age of 12 has been there lots of times.

    Don't let yourself get lost in thinking about what might have happened with this "perfect" guy. First, he's no more perfect that you or me.

    You have a life, he has a life, the two intersected for a moment. In an alternative universe, there was some magical spark when you met, you both were instantly certain you were meant to be together forever and you figured out a way to make it work (and it could indeed work if you were both determined that would happen). In this universe, you need to sigh, acknowledge that the butterflies in your tummy confirm that you're still emotionally alive, and move on.

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  • JonathanOo
    6 years ago

    😔

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    Ouch!

    So you were totally infatuated with the guy (which he must have been aware of), he teased you a little and then he cuts you dead.

    Regardless of whatever fantasies you may have about how he's a wonderful man and attractive in every possible way, the fact is that he's behaved like an asshole. If someone acts like an asshole, it's reasonable to conclude they are an asshole.

    Him texting that he "feels the same" could mean a number of things. It could be that is completely true, and he's distancing himself because he doesn't see how this could end happily for anyone. It could be that he's trying to let you down easy. Also, consider the possibility that language and cultural issues might mean what he's saying and what you're hearing are not the same at all.

    The age difference is a thing. Not only is it less socially accepted for younger men to be involved with older women (consider the response to Emmanuel Macron in some quarters), most 18 year-old guys are far from emotionally mature. You say he's intelligent, but emotional intelligence is a thing completely separate from practical and intellectual intelligence.

    I'd suggest you keep your distance for a while, and just let him think about things. Try not to be flirty and try not to look sad or disappointed. If you work with him, try to keep things courteous, professional and emotionally neutral. Avoid initiating any physical contact, but don't flinch or jerk away if he touches you.

    At some point, when some sort of new equilibrium has been established, you can ask him why he thinks it wouldn't work.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      Why do you think he acted like an asshole? What did he do wrong? I don't want to make it sound like he's perfect in every way, I genu inely don't think he did anything wrong.
      And I already know why he thinks it wouldn't work. Not sure it was clear from my post but I'll be miles and miles away from him next week, we're in Italy for holidays. That and the fact that I'm way older. Not just a few years older, I was almost an adult when he was born.

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