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Hi. I hate having sex with my husband and usually cry when I (very rarely) do it. I'm not unhealthy in any way, I can have an orgasm, and I have sexual urges that I gratify myself.
Obviously, this is not normal. But what should I do?
Please help!!
I'm not sure your being fair boiboy....I have the same problem.....my husband NEVER wants sex (he would go for head any day..one sided of course)and i cry or at least want to cry most of the time afterward. That isn't normal! It has taken 6 years of degrading comments and some things that are just plain mean! (not physically btw) I used to have an extremely high sex drive...but he seams to be killing it. It may not be the posters fault at all. @ the poster....assess your situation and if there is no logical explanation then seek therapy.. ..I'm not sure this helped .....but i hope so!
I agree completely, it is not her fault, whether it is due to her husband's behavior or due to her own psychological issues.
However, as I mentioned, we do not have the back story here. Being as she did not mention selfish and appalling behavior such as that exhibited by your husband, I felt safe in assuming that the issue resided in her own psyche.
Your husband, limbo, is being psychologically abusive. You are clearly intelligent, articulate and caring. Such a person does not deserve to be belittled and degraded. I recommend you confront this issue with your husband and seek counseling. Your life can be so much better and you deserve for it to be.
In an effort to cheer you up, every girl I know feels the same way about sex with your husband.
Lady, you do not have a problem. There are too many expecations placed on us from all around. The only expectations that matter are our own. At the same time be tolerant of his needs.
Men see sex more as a physical release rather than an act of intimacy. How many men have stayed awake afterwards! This being the case your husband will have urges that he needs to satisfy somehow.
Be tolerant and understanding of any of his small blemishes and in return he should offer you the same. A good relationship is based on intoimacy and trust.... not the physical act od sex.
It is difficult to tell you what to do when we do not have the full backstory. When you say that you are "not unhealthy in any way" that is clearly untrue as you are unable to be intimate with the one person with whom you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with.
You will need to go to counsiling. Keep in mind that my recomending that is in no way a reflection on you. I do not blame you for this issue, nor would a counsiler. However, you need to be able to get past this for both your happiness and that of your husband. What is happenning here is that you are having a thought, whether you notice it or not, that is crossing your mind whenever you have sex that is making you sad. You need to find out what that thought is and examine it for its actual merits. A cognitive therapist can help you do exactly that.
You, however, must take the step and avail yourself to therapy. Many people have trouble doing this (especially those in learned fields such as doctors) as they feel it is a sign of weakness. It is not.
The best way to say "I Love You" to your husband is to seek help for this; and in the end, you will find that it was the best way for you to acknoledge that you love yourself too.