I hate my boyfriends son and i think he has a mental illness

On the spectrum of autism or not he sounds VERY undisciplined. Back in the day kids would get their asses kicked, but today you as much talk badly to him and that little shit will have you arrested for child abuse.

Wouldn't doubt his mommy has something to do with it too.

Have a looooong talk with your boyfriend and explain if you are going to spend your lives together he has to make better attempts disciplining his son.
If he can't do that or won't maybe it might not work. Remember (usually) kids come first no matter how much of a little shit he is.

I always tried to find something a person and I might have in common if we're not getting along. Kids are usually the easiest to break past their barriers. If the kid like legos guess what? It's lego night from time to time.
Try to actually spend some time with the kid and not try to push him aside. I know it'll be tough, but if you're getting married to his Dad - you get him!

Good luck and sorry you're having issues. There's always something. He's your something.

I would venture to say that regardless of any impending diagnosis, the bottom line I would see is pretty much a parental discipline or lack of discipline. I would say that had proper or any discipline been laid down at all. If they had bypassed the "he's just being a kid" excuse is just that, an excuse to avoid facing the reality of their child maybe having issues that demanded some extra attention. Failure for the parents to address issues would or could at some point be considered child abuse, or at least considered child neglect. You as the girlfriend, should demand that your boyfriend and the baby mama get some other testing done, first off for the child's sske, and 2, to save your relationship. Before it gets torn apart because of the unruly kid. As for discipline, there is nothing wrong with a couple,3 or 4 seats in the ass. If when you start leaving bruises or marks on the child that's going to be a bit much. But the mom and daddy better do something or he will end up in a few years mouthing of to the wrong person and someone's gonna bust him a good one, and later on he might very well end up in jail or prison. Statistics show the number of kids growing up as unruly has a larger percentage of ending up in custody, Be it jail, or prison. The unruly kids lack self discline, and feel they don't want to listen to authority or play by the rules.

When I was in San Diego in the Navy, I had met this woman named Diane. Her husband was over seas for awhile,while I was not . Lol. Anyway, like you, I had a really hard time with her son. He wouldn't listen to anybody, he liked to do what he wanted when and how, etc. Way back there was a movie called "Trilogy of Terror" this little gremlins kind if thing was running around with a steak knife. But this critter wasn't much bigger than the knife. BUT anyway, one night her son Christopher, was in the kitchen and I heard him rambling thru the knife drawer. I go into kitchen and here is her son in a squatting position with a BIG ASS KNIFE in his hand, talking crazy shut and stabbing the knife over and over into the floor kind of like a sociopath, "hehehe I'm watching you" type of crazy shit. Ended up she took him to Dr. and he was diagnosed ADHD. I really don't know if him or his mom are even still alive or what happened to them. But I would see about having him checked for ADHD.

The Answer Is Serious Discipline Now Don't Be Abusive But Spanking Or grounding Could be The Answer Disobedience Doesn't Always Mean A Mental Issue

This is why I will never regret not ever being interested in dating anyone with kids.

Whoop the kid's ass?

Okay, bad advice lol. Get your boyfriend to take him to the doctor and get him diagnosed.

So either you knew the kid was like that before you got seriously involved & living with his father, or the kid dramatically changed recently: which is it?

If the former, you knew what you were getting and it should've been sorted out long long ago and certainly before you got pregnant.

Kids on access visits are often ulruly and badly behaved: he could well be experiencing the effects of his parents' breakup. Access visits are often difficult for the non-custodial parent (having been one, I know): sounds as if the lot of you could do with some family therapy. There's often a need to try and make the access visit as perfect as possible and to spoil the kid and avoid any conflict which would spoil their time together.

I point out that you're the adult and I'm concerned you can't deal with this kids' behavior when he's not even with you all the time. Labelling him as having a mental illness isn't helpful. Can you talk calmly and non-judgmentally with the father (NOT when the kid is there) and focus on how the behaviour makes you feel and how you'd like it to change and then LISTEN.

Hating a child is just ridiculous. Seems to me there's more going on there than you're telling us

The way you speak about and see others is a reflection of the way you see yourself.

Focus on the best parts of him and help him grow those.

Clearly lots of internal work to be done as well

You have too many damn kids, you whore! Sounds like a mess, but hopefully you're "functionally disfunctional".

The planet has enough people as it is. Humanity has enough members. Why didn't you stick to 2 or 3 kids like a good little Westerner?

Ah, now that I've said what I wanted to say, I'll wait for the downvotes to come :).

youre just bitter about your own mental illness and problems so you mock and make fun of everyone else. there are things you don't joke about and DEATH is one of them!

Firstly I wouldn't trust the psychriatic field with any child. Much just want to drug any child they can for a nice fat medical check. It's also possible he is dealing with his parents break up. I would recommend therapy but I got therapy for my parents break up and all she did was read us sad stories and try to make us cry. So I guess maybe ask the child how they feel about it and try not to be judgemental.

abort his baby , move away. you made a terrible mistake . oh wait , you are his " girlfriend". i get it now he is your meal ticket and all that comes with his wallet. So all your decisions you have made getting to this destination are "girlfriend "based. now you want the non "girlfriend "advice to solve a "Girlfriends" problem. OK abort his baby and move far away. Daddy already senses your hate for his son and didnt marry you . so you decided to get pregnant with a second child to snare him. brilliant plan but he won't marry you. His son might have problems but that son will always come before you. you blew it honey. you should have swalled his load. Now you have two kids you dislike and still no finger ring. looks like you will wind up a cat lady someday when your kids say goodbye and good riddance. (note: please ignore my thoughts unless the apply to you as i dont know you and dont even really care what you do) but i can tell already you will not rest until his son has killed himself to get away from you.

I would venture to guess that there are emotional problems displayed in the behavior of this lad and should be professionally diagnosed. ADD comes in many forms and also seems to lead to accumulation of other syndromes and difficulties. You must also realize step-parenting is a really difficult task at times and the situation often places everyone in a difficult emotional circumstances . You are doing the right thing in seeking information and reassurance and you should be encouraged to continue to impress the biological parents to pursue professional help. I wish you the best in dealing with these problems and it is really good that you recognize these problems early and understand the need for real concern.

The kid is autistic. You need special skills to handle him.

As you describe it, the child doesn't have a mental illness, he's just stupid and poorly educated (these two are strongly related). I can't see why you have to tolerate this, though. The first thing to do is to tell your boyfriend about your strong aversion against his child and make sure he understands that jealousy has nothing to do it with. He is the "weak link" and your contact with that kid is done through him, so talk to him about this. You can suggest reducing your contact with his kid or his own intervention in his kid's poor education, or both, depending on what you want. Hope this helps.