I hate female sexuality

What little mysogyny I have in me is directed at female sexuality. I can't stand it that females are attracted to males, ever. I hate them a little for it, just feel it in my gut. I thought for a long time when I was younger that females were basically asexual, not interested in sex, and that romance for them was something far removed from physical love. It didn't occur to me that anyone might find the male form attractive, and I always suspected males were using some form of deception or raping women in some way when they were with them. I don't understand this hate and distrust for my own sex. It really bothers me.

I hate that I feel there's something wrong with a female having an active sexuality when I know intellectually there's not. I'm a passionate feminist and attracted to females myself. I don't really understand this feeling.
I think maybe a small part of it is jealousy when I see a couple, and the rest mostly my wierd, incongruous hatred for the male sex.

I don't think females are doing something wrong but that something wrong is being done to them when they engage in sexual activity, even consentual, with a male, and they're allowing it to happen, are complicit in it. This is just a feeling I have and can't shake. It's not overwhelming, like I'm freaking out whenever I see a couple but it's there a lot, subtle but persistent. I'm atheist and I'm not someone who belives sexual promiscuity is wrong or even undesirable in male or females. This is just a wierd, lingering emotional problem, like fear of the dark or something like that.

Is it normal?

Is It Normal?
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  • Hmm, when I first started reading, I was thinking "oh, that's idiotic," but after reading the whole thing, I think I understand where you're coming from.

    Is it misogyny? I don't think it's as clear cut as that. Perhaps because the image you had of women (almost an idealised impression it seems) when you were younger has been destroyed (instead of having romance that is above sex, it turns out that women can be just as animalistic as men), you feel a sort of resentment and that mixes with the jealousy and then as you say "a weird, incongruous hatred for the male sex." This then becomes a strong dislike for female sexuality.

    Why do you have these feelings abour men? Is it the people you've been surrounded with throughout your life and their behaviour/attitudes? Have you witnessed a man being abusive towards a woman at any point in your life? You don't need to answer those questions on here - I'm just hoping to help you figure it out.

    You say that you feel as though "something wrong is being done to them," which could point to an urge in you to protect women, or perhaps it is more accurate to say to protect the _idea_ you have of women that stems from the concept you had when you were younger.

    Anyway, the reason why I think that I can understand where you're coming from is because I've had similar feelings before. I can't recall when, but I think it probably involved someone I really admired or something.

    Just out of curiosity - how do you feel about females who have sex with females? Hahaha

    I know that I'm not really answering whether or not this is normal, but I've given up on that now because it's pointless really, so blah.

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    • Thanks for your comment. I did witness some abuse and alot of the males I grew up around- though i grew up mostly around older females-were heavily mysogynist. I love females who have sex with females. It makes more sense to me, I can approve of that kind of attraction the way I can't with female attraction with men. It wouldn't be good for me, but I kinda wish all females were lesbian.

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      • No problem :) Feelings like this are probably more widespread than you think, especially with the sorts of popularized views towards sex that we see everywhere nowadays. Literally everywhere. You can go into any newsagent and there will be "lads' mags" available, peddling the idea of women as mere sex objects. In the media, a lot of the time the woman is portrayed as the passive one, the one who submits, the one to give up something or take a backseat due to a relationship, the one who is violated in some way etc. To some degree, it seems to be an ingrained attitude or sentiment, whether people are conscious of it or not. Needless to say, this turns people off as well as on - so to speak.

        Haha yeah, if all females were lesbian, that really wouldn't be to your benefit. Hopefully you wouldn't find reason to complain if someone were attracted to you though!

        It's weird; I used to be borderline obsessed about anything to do with sex at one point, but after properly realising how transient and pointless it is (in my opinion), it doesn't appeal to me nearly as much as it once did. Really, it's not as important and big as everyone makes it out to be anyway. There are much more interesting things in the world.

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  • I love men... and cock.. and sex... so i really cant relate.

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  • we still, as a culture, suffer from the Virgin/Whore dichotomy - and THAT's what kicking you in teeth [metaphorically]. we all of us, even womanly me who's had sex with as many people as i've had birthdays, fall into it sometimes - and i know better on EVERY level.

    it's like cannibalism - we just KNOW it's wrong [why? it would feed masses that are starving if we shipped them our dead - no need to even create MORE dead, just the ones who die already...] we KNOW that a woman who LIKES sex is a "whore", and that *being* a "whore" is somehow degrading, devaluating... dehumanizing.

    and again, the question is "why?" it comes down to "Virginity"

    "Virginity" is our stand-in for purity, and goodness, and WORTH. it's a STUPID stand-in [i mean, i was one of those 2% or so who was born sans hymen - was i EVER a virgin if i wasn't "sealed for freshness"? what PURPOSE does a hymen serve, anyway? why is THAT the indicator of Virginity, when something like ballet or horseback riding can break a hymen *more easily* than sex? when just TIME will wear it away?]

    why do i mention all this?
    did you ever watch the movie "Chasing Amy"? remember the scene where the guy was trying to convince Amy that she MUST be a virgin if she'd ONLY had sex with women?

    lesbianism is [generally] not considered a threat to "virginity" - only PIV [penis in vagina] intercourse is considered "real sex" by a LARGE portion of the populace. if no penis has entered that vagina, it is still "pure", no matter what ELSE has entered.

    this, i think, is why you're "comfortable" with the idea of women having sex with other women - they're still "pure" after it.
    you have, to some extent, tried to place half the human race on a pedastal - elavating women "above" the "base" desires of men.

    the question [and response] about your negative attitude towards men has been asked, but i think part of your problem [beyond the fact that you don't see that ANYONE can be beautiful - the human body is a marvel] is that, in your head, men are automatically "not pure". in addition to what you've said above, i think some of it is society's attitude towards MEN and sex - the idea that men are *so* freaking ruled by sex that they have NO control over themselves, *clutches pearls* heavens, if they see an ankle, expect a large reaction!

    that is 100% BS. SOME men REFUSE to control themselves, thereby giving ALL men a bad name. some men ARE whores, in the sense that they'll poke anything that lets them. [some women are, too - but i don't think that's necessarily a BAD thing].

    and so you've set up the Virgin/Whore dichotomy in your mind [sub-consiously] as "Female/Male" instead of "Virgin/Whore". for a lot of reasons, i'm sure - these things are ALWAYS much more complicated than one thinks - and that could be another place to attack your issue - reclaiming YOUR male sexuality as something *good*.

    i wish you luck and send GoodThoughts your way!

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  • Its not that we have no sexuality, far from it, but we just don't obsess on it every waking moment the ways guys do.


    Most of the time.

    Or, put it like this, we may be just as sexual, but we don't tend to flaunt it the way guys do. We usually radiate inward, having been taught from a young age, usually, that sex is something to be cherished.

    (and so it is! On the Other hand, I have spent a lot of time wondering about fems who only seem to give it out as a reward for something)

    And here is the tricky part: You GUYS tend to get defensive, threatened and disbeliving when we act forward and uninhibited sexually.

    I mean, if I am in a chatroom somewhere, and announce that I'm Female, I get hit on by guys ( :) ) - but If I Respond, if I get explicit (when I wish to) or get really nasty (on occation) guys seem to freak.

    After a little bit of "COOL" guys start going "You're not really a girl, are you! No, No way are you a girl!"

    And in real life it is worse. (shakes head)

    Guys say they want a girl who is open and willing to try new things sexually - yet when we try and Be that way, we get called things like slut, whore and worse.

    So, even when we DO wish to make love (and we do) we don't just find the nearest guy and jump on him.

    Hope it helps

    The Divine Ms. O.

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  • It definitely sounds like you want to protect the idea of females as pure, with an almost divine stature. It also sounds like you have been taught or embraced the idea that penetrative sex is inherently degrading or immoral: therefore a woman who enjoys it is equally so.

    Another bit on the matter is that many men do not find it attractive when women lead the hunt, as it were. They want to be the ones in control, in the pursuit of the sex and relationships. If a woman is as much "on the prowl" as he is, then he can't say that it was a full conquest. He wants to know he's been where others have failed to enter, that it took his prowess to crack the nut, setting him apart and making his mate a trophy and attribute to his stature.

    Lets also not forget the angle of loathing the male form, which you say you can't understand a woman being attracted to. If you are heterosexual male, this makes sense. Of course it's easier to wrap your brain around lesbian sex, you like women, you understand innately attraction to women. Attraction to men, is scary for more than that reason though. If a woman is attracted to a man, then she could be attracted to any man the way a man can be attracted to any woman: this vision of the situation can induce pre-emptive jealousy and defensiveness.

    I think it's important that you know that there are many different kinds of women out there, who wear their sexuality very differently. It seems with your present issues, and I do consider them to be ISSUES, you would be best suited to look for a mate who see's sex as something to be shared with one person only, and is not a visual creature (the latter should be easier as most women are distinctly NOT visual).

    Sex has evolved a long way past the cave man days of bashing a woman in the head with a stick and dragging her off to the cave. We are not merely creatures of instinct, we are creatures who embrace the concept of self discipline and control as well as enjoyment. I think your views on sexuality are archaic and definitely tainted by the things you've experienced and witnessed in your life; that therapy would not be a mistake to help you adjust your specs.

    There's nothing wrong with still not being attracted to someone who has sex with anything that comes along: concern for ones own health notwithstanding, most of us also want to feel like the sex means something beyond mere fornication. A partner who is more carnal, or visceral than oneself can be off putting, and that's fine. But when your beliefs are so puritanical that they prohibit you from developing any relationship at all: there's a bigger issue to be dealt with.

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  • Sounds like you might also have a little unresolved homophobia as well, if the idea of being attracted to the male body is so viscerally unappealing to you.

    Women are people, just like anyone else. Women have drives, urges, emotions and desires, just like regular people do. And, btw, we're 'women', not 'females.'

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  • yes it is normal for boys that have been raised in a abusive relationship to become like this.
    Some boys go the other way and start hating women but by the post i gathered your mother was really loving so you became disgusted by your farther actions.

    So i am assuming every male figure you had in your life hurt you or someone you cared about.
    That and being raised by women you only know women so it makes sense.

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  • I agree with you, infact I admire asexual people. I wish I was too. I wonder how much time and energy is wasted thinking and doing stuff in that topic. Not untill marrige and never to be enjoyed. Ok, maybe thats a little to harsh but I cant stand it when teenagers get pregnant. I see 16 & pregnant on T.V and think how much of a loser in life they are, lost their childhood so early.

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  • I hate people like you, i hope you die actually. You think "ohh male are ugly so they shouldnt have sex with females because females are better than male ". Well FUCK U. your a fucking retard. Please, ur disgrace to men. Pls go kill your self

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  • I'm a female and I often find myself instinctively despising male sexuality as well. It's just so tied up with issues of power and domination that I'd rather be celibate than deal with all of that. Honestly, I'm often happy that I'm gay, just because heterosexual relationships as a woman seem very tricky to navigate, and if I were to attempt one (in some alternate universe where I magically didn't like women more) it would have to be very unconventional.

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  • I just finished a four hour masturbation session about sweaty young men doing extremely innapropriete things. Soooo I can't really relate hahaha

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  • Okay that was off topic sorry

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  • In a way I kinda feel the same! But that's only because some of those women you see are straight up skanks probably. That's when it makes me want to throw up. Because you see a guy that looks just great! And a girl wears clothes with no bra. Sexy? No gross.

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  • If you imagined females were asexual you need to meet my fiancee.. She's into bondage and being treated rough lol, she's got a higher sex drive than me because she's even said "you can be so boring in bed sometimes", so that shoots down your OP anyways, you're probably just asexual, its normal.

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  • <.< >.> *whistles and walks away* *now bumps into the table* *then causally walks again*

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  • Thank you very much for your comment. I think it's the most insightful and accurate I've ever recieved, especially on this site. I have been in therapy and I believe I have gotten a lot better and am still dragging myself away from my past when it comes to "lessons" I've learned.

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  • Just wanted to say that I had similar feelings when I was young. Oddly enough, I feel the opposite way now. It sounds more like frustration towards men is the cause.I realized I disliked them because I couldn't always relate to them on issues of sexuality and I was being judged because of them. For me it was a simple matter of accepting males for who they are, and realizing we're not black and white creatures.

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  • I love when people leave like 4 page comments...

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  • I have felt this same way at one time,and I thought I could never escape those thoughts... every time I saw a hetero couple I thought both that "the girl is so stupid and weak" and aminosity/hatred/jealousy toward the man but like many other viewpoints, including mine, perspectives change with time. You might find that one day you will realize you're more accepting of other people regardless of their choice of whom they have sexual relations with. That happened to me, and now I just don't care. And I feel liberated not having those reoccurring thoughts multiple times a day. Psychotherapy did help too.

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  • Fucking feminist. Get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich, bitch.

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  • VerdeGato- was that you asking for money on the street this morning? hope hades has had a bad day when you die. maybe he'll try out a new punishment for you.

    anyways, i can understand where youre coming from. is Artemis your role model?

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