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Is it normal I give up dating because every man I've dated turns into an evil villain then I react to it and he gets angry with me so I just leave because I'm tired of being involved with an idiot who thinks he's always right and always gaslighting me
You sound somewhat like a friend of mine.
I'm not sure how to help!
She was in a ten year marriage to what I consider a lazy good for nothing, but that's my opinion. He never held a job for more than six months, after ten years he says, I never really loved you but thought it was what I was supposed to do and maybe I would grow into it. Oh and I really want to be a female.
On the other hand I've known this person since HS. She really doesn't want a career, or to work, anything other than a pt job. She would rather be a stay at home partner. She's got that artsie brain, photography and painting are her skills and desires.
Sorry I think you need to know a little background before the comparison.
She loves having a guy but she wants to be the chaser, she doesn't like being the one they are chasing. When she catches she gets board and actually starts building defenses when they start liking her. She seems to persue or look at people that are like her. Those that really don't have much of a life. Still living at home at age 40, little or no career goals, if they work it is a minimum wage or slightly above job. (Nothing wrong with that if you're happy and don't have big aspirations). However, if you want to stay home and be a kept person your going to need something more substantial for a partner.
Anyway when she does find somebody she's kind of a leach. Immediately thinks live together, monogamous relationship, and you take care of me. They run like they're caught in a fire. She brings little if anything to the relationship except sex and extra bills. I know guys that would be okay with that but they're not the ones living in their mom's basement playing games and maybe working a PT job.
As rose said her picker is broke. Somewhere along the way you need to look at what you want or where you want to go in life. If you have little or nothing and prefer to do little or nothing looking for somebody like you, may not be the best way to go.
My best theory has always been learn to take care of yourself. Establish your own way to be happy in life, quit looking and waiting for Mr. or Ms. right and just start living. You will be surprised at how many good people you'll meet.
Look at your inner self why do they turn into evil idiots. They probably were at the beginning you just had your blinders on. We all do it, we only want to see the best and block out the bad of a person we're attracted to. Time opens our eyes. Look for the bad traits first, are they okay and can you deal with them a year or two down the road. Look hard! because, most people put on their best and hide the bad stuff when you first start a relationship.
Well when you always go after the same type why would you think the outcome would be any different? The ones you are looking for are the ones you wont give a second look at.
I don't have a type. I just go for nice and intelligent men then they change.
This is a tough one... and my message is not always what people are looking for.
But, I learned the truth of it myself (I was raised in such a way that in my younger years I was likley in running for at least the State Champion on how to antagonize, attack, and run down people and destroy friendships. I too had lots of relationship issues.
It took some years to learn to change things.
First, in truth you will find the most responsible party for the situation by looking in a mirror. Feel free to point is you wish.
Good news is that you can improve yourself, which will attract different men who react more pleasantly with you.
I suggest books on how to communicate and hold conversations. I've reread the following books (or in one case its predecessor) almost every year for decades and I'm still learning from them (although the biggest changes occured in the 1st couple years):
"How To Win Friends & Influence People In the Digital Age" by Dale Carnegie & Associates (A modern update of the 1937 How To Win Friends & Influence People).
2 phamplet books (quick reads) that compliment each other:
"Skill With People" and "The Art of Dealing With People" both by; Les Giblin.
A good book on personalities, emotional intelligence, and "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman will also help
Learning how to communicate better also tends to increase your earning power. A nice side benefit.
I wish you well with this,
How old are these men you’re choosing? I’ve had issues with women who were generally younger than me for some reason… great for 6 months to a year, and then they turn crazy. Don’t start to blame yourself; unfortunately it happens both ways. Go for a beta male; Sounds like these guys are pretending to be one way for as long as they can but ultimately their true colors shine after a while. If they’re always picking a fight, they obviously thrive on it and enjoy getting a rise out of you. You don’t need the aggravation. Not sure how old you are but there are plenty of nice people out there
As someone who has given up dating (though not because all men are horrible because they aren't; I just don't have any interest in dating), there's certainly nothing wrong with not dating, but I wouldn't suggest giving it up if it is something you actually would like, or because you've lumped all men together.
I think everyone suggesting that the problem is the men you have surrounded yourself with are probably right. People all vary greatly and there are definitely good men out there. You might have to look elsewhere for them.
I think you need to realize why you're drawn to men like that because even if they don't act that way at first, there's always a reason why you're subconsciously drawn to a certain energy. Work on yourself, stop being so hateful and bitter and try to see those bad experience as lessons learned. Once you've figured things out and matured you'll attract people who match you in a healthy way.
"Bad experiences as lesson learned".
Sorry to break it to you, but you can't always turn experiences into " life lessons". The fact you think every bad experience needs to be turned into some positive life lesson, is idiotic. Also, it does not automatically mean she'll just magically start attracting "good" people.
Well if I'm the problem then I'll stay alone so no problems for anyone. My choice in men is normal. I go for kind and intelligent men but after a year or more they turn evil.
If everyone you meet is horrible it’s a very clear sign that you are the actual problem 99% of the time.
Maybe you should try the other choice. Females tend to be a little more caring. However some can really turn more evil than any guy I've known.
Could be away for you to find out if it's the people you pick, or, is it just you that brings out the worst in people.
I can't be bothered to Google so I can cite solid numbers, but I recall reading that domestic violence in lesbian relationships is definitely an issue, and one that gets little attention because of the stereotype that women are naturally more caring.
As a matter of fact, there's currently a horrific murder trial drawing to a close in northern England which involves a 28 year old woman and her 20 year old female partner. The victim was the younger woman's 16 month old daughter who was killed by a blow to her abdomen that ruptured an artery. During the autopsy, it was discovered that she also had suffered other injuries - including a leg fracture - that weren't immediately obvious. The older woman was a fitness fanatic, boxed and worked as a bouncer. During the trial evidence was given which strongly indicated that the mother of the little girl was the victim of physical and emotional abuse. All the evidence points to the older woman having punched the toddler (and there's also video evidence of her repeatedly slapping the kid around on another occasion), and the only real question for the jury to decide will be how much the mother was complicit in the murder of her child.
I remember when I was in high school that there were these butch lesbians who got into a fight, and it took several football coaches to break up the fight. Those bull dykes fought like raging chimpanzees! 😱🐵🦍
I agree, as I said, "some can really turn more evil than any guy I've known"
When it comes to domestic abuse, there is plenty of blame to go around for males and females and in all lifestyles. Both need to learn the signs and take action to get out of the situation early.
That really should be the required action not treatment. Some people respond well to counseling or treatment programs but a lot of them don't. During this time people's lives are at risk. If a person stays or goes back after a dangerous situation has occurred or been identified, then they are part of the problem, and should be charge as an accomplice if anybody gets hurt. Including themselves.
I've personally been involved in cases where one partner stayed on purpose thinking they could "change the other", or they say "they're all talk they won't physically hurt anyone". However, I've also seen the ones that stay to, "poke the bear" trying to get them to do something, enough to win a divorce or court case so they can take everything they want and make sure the other person gets all the blame. A lot of times that doesn't work out well for the 'poker'. They end up dead or maimed.
Too many times it's the children or innocent bystanders that get hurt.
Why is it a weird thing to say? I'm just curious. I could never be attracted to, or in love with another female.
its weird seeing straight ppl say that. i dont rlly know how to explain it but like,,, as a lesbian i never liked when ppl said 'iwish i could be lesbian' cause its kind of like,,, treating lesbians like a thing ppl can just choose to be? sorry im not good with explanations
The rat probably thinks, if you say it out loud three times it will really happen.
Hard to get the genie or Beetlejuice back in the bottle. Lol 😊