I get a dull sensation in my gut

Whenever something modest about a person looks bad like if an average guy's attitude and appearance is tasteless I get a dull but hard sensation in my gut, even worse when the love is nauseating which causes a light, dull sickness for years, unlike the tasteless guy the love itself makes me want to vomit. I felt this way with modest people and likely the case not with my mother, she's not sickening, do you know what she does? Twists my moral rules and tries to overrule me. It's frustrating taking a tablet with my feeling of sickly sentiment when the illness goes away when they become evil. Evil is really good with making you feel better because the evil man is actually beautiful, they're attractive-looking people who will scream at you for breaking a rule of theirs and are at the ready to stab you or throw boiling water at you.
These people think they're good, but the terror they create makes me want to vomit. Most Islam is a little bit evil, religion makes evil out of good things. It was intended to vent the founder's frustrations, what frustrates me is stonewalling, being stuck in a corner to choose between religion and antitheism, and I don't want to choose.
What makes me sick is changing too much, it makes me want to vomit making so much change. I haven't changed, I decided, I found what direction I'm going: the one direction of extremism in Puritanism and in ultraconservatism, that's it, it would sicken me to be a moderate because I feel guilty of not following a belief wholeheartedly. I base my extremist pride on that Muslim fundamentalist's pride on YouTube. So yes I'm an extremist, extremely traditional, extremely gambling-free, extremely moral.