I dont know what else to talk to someone about

Ofc I will show interest in what they like or are pursuing in life but I really would like to know from people what else I can strike up in a conversation especially on a first date and further.
Sometimes I feel insure about my lack of knowledge in a lot of areas or not bein able to seem very interesting or impress the person.
If I find a gf how can I keep the conversations interesting? I have my good sense of witt and animal loving nature but im not sure what else I should try to learn before chatting up a women 😀

NOTE- please don't assume my sexual orientation or gender

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  • Sorry, this is a long post - but I assure you well worth reading.

    Talking to people is a skill... and can be learned.

    There are a variety of books on the issue that assist people with learning different ways to approach conversations.

    Here is the list of the books I've given people to assist them with this:

    "Skill With People" by: Les Giblin. I suggest you start here - its a very short book and packs a lot of very good information.

    "The Art of Dealing With People" by: Les Giblin. Another short book when you have the concepts of the 1st book down.

    "How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends" by: Don Gabor

    "How to Win Friends & Influence People In the Digital Age" by Dale Carnegie & Associates. This is an update to the all time best seller in this category of the 1937 How To Win Friends & Influence People.

    The Les Giblin books are very short and easy to read. The other two are full sized books which present things in a more fuller and at times in different contexts.

    Start reading these books (or even part of them), and read them every 6 months or every year until you get as good with talking to people as you wish. I've been reading "How to Win Friends... every year for over 20 years... and am still learning things from it as you don't really understand some concepts until you master the previous concepts in the book.

    Note that the reason I use books are:

    If you are reading a book - you are actively engaged and read it in your own voice. Listening to audios is passive, and your mind often wanders - and you have to work at resetting the audio to go back to what you remember (thus most people miss things).

    Paper books are more effective than e-readers as you can judge where you are in the book.

    You can underline or highlight in a book things that speak to you.

    Overall, comprehensive studies have shown that people who read educational material printed on paper have a much better comprehension and understanding of the material than if they listened to it; unless they were very trained an focused listeners (like the blind often are).

    One study in an educational institution where they used printed material or a podcast of the exact same material showed that the grade difference was going from an A to a D, or a B to a F.

    Studies have shown there is no real difference between media for recreational materials. But there really is a difference if you are trying to learn something unless you are a trained and focused listener (which almost no one is).

    I wish you well with this.

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    • Did you find it helped you maintain long lasting friendships or find a relationship

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      • Yes, to both in fact.

        It's also allowed me to increase my income and build businesses.

        People generally get paid for high paying jobs based on their social skills, not on their technical skills.

        Much of social skills is being able to communicate and hold a conversation.

        Please let me know what you think of any of the books after you read them.

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        • Awesome as soon as I have pay day I will hunt one down:D

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    • Okay thanks VERY MUCH

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  • When you're not sure what to say you can always ask questions. Most people's favorite subject is themselves. Lol

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  • I'm working on this stuff too. I've noticed sometimes I get so mentally worked up on "finding" something to say, and then in turn my heart rate increases and I'm probably secreting adrenaline. I'm trying to integrate a policy where I can recognize how to extend what the other person is saying

    Like if someone says they just made an apple pie, I might blurt out I love apple pie or that I've made them before, but those are selfish responses since they focus on me. What would be better is to ask if they picked the apples or if they have any secret ingredients

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    • Hmm interesting thanks for sharing this with moi!!! I think its a good idea to focus the attention back on the other when conversing in conversation and can especially help with developing people skills

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  • Well, like what has already been stated, the best thing you can do is ask the other person lots of questions.
    I suck at communicating and that is what i've been told and noticed to be true. I've experienced people getting offended by me not asking them enough questions even, so people REALLY love talking about themselves. Especially extroverts.

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    • You're a dumbass get off my post u bigot

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  • Stop trying to impress people. Instead focus on getting to know them.

    If you have nothing to say, ask a question. Maybe they can teach you something cool. Listen and hear them out. It's okay to ask follow up questions, but don't be that person who only asks questions.

    Tell your date about your life. Even mundane things can be relevant. Once your relationship deepens, you can start introducing more personal topics such as things about your family and past experiences. You could also go the more scholastic route and discuss politics or philosophy or science (if your date is into that). Or a hobby you both share. Maybe there is something you can both do together during the date? Like an activity you can bond over.

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    • Thanks this is very insightful 👍

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