I deserve my anxiety for being a terrible student
It has been such a struggle but it feels so much heavier because this is it.
-I have to write good essays for my colleges
-I have to get as many scholarships as possible
-I need to prepare for AP CALCULUS
-I need to prepare for AP ART HISTORY (It is a horrible hell of memorizing hundreds of artworks. No one could ever enjoy it, much less pass it.)
-I need to get a high SAT score (It will be hopeless if I don't do well on the next one)
-I need to stop procrastinating on my work (I have been doing some homework the PERIOD BEFORE)
-I need to decide on a major
Despite this, I'm not sure if I even deserve to complain. All I ever do is sit on my ass while my friends do twice as much as I do for the same work. It just makes me feel so pathetic, and even though I go along with it and joke "haha, yeah I barely did any work", it still hurts me so much. I think they see me as a joke, so when I do well they get upset because they worked much harder and got a lower grade.
When our teachers flaunted that I got a 5 (the highest score) in AP US History AND AP English, they just HAD to do it in front of the class. I felt so humiliated.
I also tend to be very opinionated, which probably makes them hate being around me more. The moment I open my mouth I just sound so bitchy, rude, and generally stupid. I know that they wish I would stop talking too, as they've expressed distaste over what I say (not that I blame them.)
I honestly don't think I have any room to complain considering the kind of person I am (I won't go into detail, but if I did you'd probably understand too.) I'm the kind of child that would get slapped in the mouth for acting so obnoxious.
Just imagine a terrible annoying student and it would probably be me.
I just feel so angry and frustrated with myself, I don't know what to do.