I believe she was the cause of my anxiety disorder- iin?
I have had anxiety most my life. It started at around the age of 16.
It got worse over time as I've gotten older. I do feel I'm part of the group that are classed as "mental illness".
What triggered the beginning of my anxiety was the "what if I'm a lesbian" thoughts because I was getting these feelings for my best friend. Before I met her, I never had an anxiety problem. Things would trigger it such as people asking if I had a bf or just a general topic about relationships. This was my deepest fear. I developed a bit of social anxiety and I remember I couldn't go to meet up with my teachers because of my anxiety. At the time, I wasn't aware it was anxiety. Skip forward...
the girl I fell for, I eventually told and confessed my feelings after 6 yrs of keeping it hidden. I tried my damdest to hide my tru feelings out of shame and guilt for loving someone of the same gender. She rejected me, broke my heart, was kind about it but I was still heart broken. Prior to telling her I had a ton of anxiety/ panic attacks.
I got through that but anxiety has haunted me ever since and ever since I had ocd intrusive thoughts anxiety at one point.
I'm 23f and I believe I have an anxiety disorder, the triggers have always sort of changed but now I live "on the edge".
I don't feel peace or much joy anymore as I always feel as if something bad is going to happen. I try my very best to be social, laugh and help others in any way I can but some days are bad and my heart will race all day. Even subtly I can feel it skipping a bit faster. I get anxious going to places I once loved and I have NO idea WHY! Can heart ache cause this ? I have a passion and goals but I am not really focused on it because my anxiety distracts me and says I can't do that because I feel anxious so must be bad idea.
I feel like I'm fucked in the head and that I'm over thinking (which I probably am), but I seriously live in fear.
I can't help these feelings, it scares me, and especially panic attacks. I'm only 24 and I feel the adrenaline pump through me everyday, what ever I do. I know I'm going to die young and age fast and nothing can help me.