I am an indian girl, 30 years. i am depressed because of my mother-in-law

22% Normal
22 Comments

I can understand that a 'Mother-in-law' in any country, corner can be tough. I am an Indian girl, I used to be simple, with some interest and passion in my dreams which I thought I would achieve it someday.......
But unfortunately after my marriage, I experienced severe verbal abuse, insults, domination from my mother-in-law. She dominates and literally controls everybody at home. She feels that her two sons are her property, and that the wifes must hardwork and serve the family..
so much of aggression, ego... what shoud I do?
Its been more than 4 years, I have been living with them. I have a 3 years old child. Mother-in-law conpletely takes over the child as well. I feel like I dont want to see another 'tomorrow' living in that hell.......
I do work but unable to concentrate on my work

Voting Results
22% Normal
Based on 9 votes (2 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 22 )
  • olderdude-xx
    3 years ago

    Unfortunately, the cultures and common practices in many counties allow that - and provide no real way for a Lady such as yourself to escape it.

    India is one such country based on a number of people I have met from there - and how common it is for multi-generations to live in the same household (or very close to each other).

    I feel for you; and have no idea of any quick or easy options for you to get out of such a situation as I don't know India that well.

    However, there may be a longer term - and harder route.

    Life is not fair (which is true in all countries and situations).

    The key to all success is personal continuing education and development. If you can start reading personal development and success books, and perhaps you may be able to start a home based business that leads to your financial - and life - independence. Such businesses do exist in India.

    PM me if you'd like to discuss more in private.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
      -
    • whythisworld
      3 years ago

      Thank you for showing empathy. Means a lot.
      I am trying out options, which are -- getting a new job in a different location and moving out with my husban and child. Since the pandemic, you also know the kind of job situation outside. Its quite difficult even for a Software Engineer like me.

      Typing here with my identity anonymous at least makes me feel I am heard by another person in the world

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • olderdude-xx
        3 years ago

        You are most welcome.

        Let me know how things are progressing...

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • SwickDinging
    3 years ago

    You genuinely have all of my sympathy.

    I have known other women from India in this situation and it sounds like fucking hell on earth. The Westerners usually advise you to move out, or kick her out... our world is different to your world and I know that those aren't realistic options for you.

    What's the wider family situation? Are your parents still alive? Do they have the means for you to live with them? What does your husband think of this? Does he see what his mother is like, does he support you emotionally?

    What would happen if you started to say no to your mother in law? Who else lives with you?

    Sorry for so many questions, I'm just trying to figure out what your options are

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • whythisworld
      3 years ago

      Hi, Thank you for your response.

      Wider family situation: My father passed away many years ago. I don't have siblings. I don't have much external family. I am all by me alone. My husband always supports me which even caused more problems between him and his mother. He wants us to move out as soon as possible. We both are searching for alternate jobs as of now.
      I started saying NO to my mother-in-law, for which she stops me by extensive screaming which can be haerd even outside of the house. Her screams scare me away.
      Right now Me, My husband, my child, my brother-in-law and his wife, my father-in-law we all live together.
      All the household works needs to be managed by ladies, which is becoming a great challenge when I have too much of office work.

      Thinking of moving out, trying for a job..... job and location change are the only options I can think of....

      just that, the depression. anxiety and stress haunts me

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Pilum
    3 years ago

    I understand this is fairly common in India. I don't know what you can really do besides leave and search for a better life, preferably outside of India. Beautiful country but not the best place to be a woman.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Have you told your folks what's going on in your home?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • whythisworld
      3 years ago

      I haven't told my mother thinking she will be upset. But she came to know it only recently and is very very sad. She lives far away and my mother also had very bad experience, insults with mother-in-law.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        3 years ago

        That's so awful. Have you spoken to your husband?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • whythisworld
          3 years ago

          Husband only asks me to change my job. He is ready to move out with me if i get a new job

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • RoseIsabella
            3 years ago

            What does your husband think of the way his mother behaves?

            I hope you can find a good job that you truly enjoy.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
        • whythisworld
          3 years ago

          Yes, we did. My mother-in-law insulted my mom infront of everyone in the family. I was feeling helpless and just stood watching all this. I wish I had the courage to raise my voice. I din't raise because I know my consequences. I cant step inside a sewerage tank and get ugly myself.
          'Suffering in Silence' was my only option since my marriage.
          I used to skip food. Skip office.
          Briefly, all these years I had been only suffering.. no smile... no peace..

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • RoseIsabella
            3 years ago

            I have a very hard time not raising my voice at people who insult me, or my loved ones. Of course that means that I also have a difficult time not engaging in arguments with people who give me a hard time, and get up in my face. Sometimes it can be hard for me to back down from a challenge, but the flip side is that I've wasted a good bit of energy engaging in bullshit arguments with people who just wasted my time, and drained my emotional energy.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • Str8racers
    3 years ago

    Can you move out?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • whythisworld
      3 years ago

      Its difficult. Only job change to another location will work. I am trying for such job by all my means

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • jethro
    3 years ago

    Get your husband to move out and get your own place. In a different town or even different country. If that doesn't work, just move out, by yourself, with your kid and be on your own.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • whythisworld
      3 years ago

      We both are trying a lot for this option.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        3 years ago

        Yes, I hope you can move far away from those awful in laws. Honestly, I'm just really glad to be single, and I'm feeling more, and more that a great reason for me to be glad to be single is that I don't have to deal with in laws at all.

        I'm starting to think that I'm an introvert, I dunno, maybe I'm just depressed, or maybe it's both. I know one thing is for sure, I'm not interested in unsolicited advice, and opinions from other women, particularly other older women, and especially if it's the mother of someone I'm dating. I have been married twice, and now looking back on all of it I think that both experiences were mistakes for me. I wish I had been someone who took her time much, much more, and I wish that I had had higher standards. I do think that there's more to being compatible with someone than just getting along. I think there are socio-economical, cultural issues to be considered that I was not able to truly grasp the importance of in my youth.

        I'm really glad to hear you say that both you, and your husband are interested in living further away from his parents. I don't live with my parents, although I do live quite close to them. I figure if I don't live with my own parents I certainly don't want to live with anyone else's either.

        Sorry for my rant about my past experiences. I just hope ya'll can manage to live separately from his parents, and do so happily! I'll say a prayer for you, dear heart! 🙏🏻🕊💓🌹

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • whythisworld
          3 years ago

          Very kind of you! and Thank you so much sister

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • RoseIsabella
            3 years ago

            No problem, pains me to think of you going through this ordeal. I'm probably too old now, and too set in my ways to try to ever get married again. I can't have kids anymore, but I remember what it was like when I was a little kid about three, or four years old, and much of my world was just my mom, the house, backyard and later my little sister.

            I figure I can at least offer my hopes, and prayers! I think those early preschool years really affect children, and influence how they grow up into adults later in life. Hang in there, and stay strong! 🙏🏻🕊💓🌹

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    Your mother in law sounds like the biggest scum of the earth.

    Your best option is to get away from people like that.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • whythisworld
      3 years ago

      True. I am trying for a location change since living everyday is getting difficult for me

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0