I accidently have a crush on a 40 year old

I am at a store internship for people with mental and physical health. There is a guy there I thought was really cute and I said hello to him everyday. Well today he asked me to lunch. He also included me in conversations with the others which I actually appreciate a lot. I feel comfortable with very few people and hes one of those people I feel comfortable talking to is what I realized.

When I got home today I was able to figure out his full name and look him up... Turns out he's FORTY years old. .-.
He looks and sounds very young... so its very shocking to find out. I am 25 by the way.

Well I feel like I should avoid him now. I feel embarrassed because my mom asked me if theres any cute guys at work so I said well theres this one guy whos kinda cute and now she wont let it go.... I have terrible taste in men. .-. Hes not handsome its mostly his cute awkwardness im drawn to and he has a cute smile. Now I feel weird plus its even worse if he LIKES me and he thinks I like him because im really bad at acting normal around someone I find cute .-. He's started smiling at me a lot... and it's my fault too because i've glanced at him so much...

Im embarrassed now plus he has mental health issues. No one has worse taste in men than me I swear. I should be admitted because im experiencing some kind of a crisis for this to even be happening in the first place probably

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 25 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Oh babe! Go to lunch with him! You never know what the possibilities are. Don’t worry about the age gap. Especially if he seems young.

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  • Thats not that bad of an age gap. I was recently flirting woth a guy in his 50s and I'm 23. Still bummed that one didn't work out. If you like someone go for it. Don't let something petty like age stand in the way

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  • So what if you both have mental health issues? Haven’t you ever seen the movie Silver Linings Playbook? If you haven’t, I would watch it. It’s a great movie. As far as age, it’s just a number. Believe me I’ve dated women 10 years younger and 10 years older.. you would think the older ones would be more mature but honestly a lot of the younger ones had their lives together. It’s all about how the person is in general. Don’t bail on someone just because of age or because they may have some mental issues. I guarantee you more people have mental problems than we think; it’s the ones who want to admit they do vs. the ones who continue to deny there’s an issue that really separate us

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    • Yah ive seen it love that movie but I find it a bit unrealistic (the overly happy ending).
      Ive known people younger than me very mature and almost seemed old in their way of talking and being but still age is a fact and means this person probably experienced a lot I havent yet :O

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  • You can't control who you're attracted to. I met my ex when I was 28 and he was 42. Watch the documentary Age Gap Love... most of those couples have an age difference of more than 15 years and they seem happy.

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  • I honestly don't see what the problem is, So he's older than you, if you're both attracted to each other, and you get on really well, then just go for it, he could be your soul mate for all you know! Xx

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  • Fuck him and get it over with. (You know you really want to).

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  • Age doesn't matter

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  • My brother is 16 years younger than his wife and they get along fine. I actually prefer older men.

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  • How do you "accidentally" fall in love with someone?

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  • Who cares? As long as the job doesn't have some pressure of forced compliance, 25 and 40 isnt weird.

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  • Suit yourself.

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  • When I was 22 I had a crush on a 41 year old. I never attempted it because it's too big of a gap BUT it can work. I think you're at the max age gap before you have a high chance of not being a good fit. 15 years imo is the maximum so there's a chance it might be okay especially if you both have the same maturity level.

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  • I wonder if you want to believe there's some hard and fast rule about acceptable age differences in relationships. If so, what's the magic number? Say you do believe this and you also believe that a guy should be, at most, five years older than the woman. What if you met some guy you really, really liked, but he was more privacy-aware than the guy you're talking about in your OP, so you only found out after you got involved with him and spnt lots of happy times with him that his birthday made him seven years older than you. Would that be enough to make you dump him? How about if he turned out to be five years and four months older than you?

    Or maybe you're one of those people who believes that the rule is that women should never be less than half the man's age plus seven. I understand this is commonly stated as being some sort of cosmic fricking law amongst people who love to pass judgement on other people's relationships on social media.

    If you think this is a valid rule, would it change your views to know that, as best as anyone can figure out, it originated with Elijah Muhammad, former leader of the Nation of Islam. He thought that age difference was ideal because it allowed a man to dominate and control the woman.

    Really, it's just a huge pile of nonsensical crap based on nothing whatsoever.

    I know that people with Asperger's are often very uncomfortable with uncertainty and they generally much prefer it when there are fixed rules and certainties. But, frankly, that's pretty silly when it comes to age differences in relationships. Some people are incredibly emotionally immature and lack the life-skills that allow them to have a healthy relationship when they're seventy; some people are wise and mature beyond their years when they're twenty.

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    • Watch it Boojum, please don't use Islamic terrorists as any metric for the age gap that is acceptable for men and women (or girls in his case and louis farrakhan as well) having sexual relations. You were okay before you went there. Women not Girls, and Men not Boys is all that matters if they're not forced or felt to comply by a person in power.

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      • First, it's a real stretch to say that the Nation of Islam is a terrorist organisation. It was founded by a total nutjob, its theology is bizarre, illogical and counter-factual and it is one of the most influential racist hate organisations active in the USA these days. But I'm pretty sure the NOI does not promote terrorist violence as a means to achieve its aims. Also, many Muslims don't consider the NOI to be really Islamic - kinda like how many Christians don't consider the KKK to be truly a Christian organisation.

        In any case, the point I was trying to make is that the origin of the "half plus seven" rule seems to have been a religious whacko and the logic behind it was misogynistic and about controlling women.

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    • Well ive never thought about it tbh. I dont go out much but when I go on dating apps I reject and block all men above 30-33 who messages me. In reality i've had crushes on obviously older men before but not many because I choose to pay attention to men my own age. I have sometimes thought about if I should date an older man though, since it never works with men my age because they're not as serious about dating as I am. I've been told I need to be more "fun" and that i'll most likely never find a man as serious about commitment as I am until i'm older.

      I don't necessarily think age gaps are wrong as long as both people are adults but it makes me feel embarrassed because for example I had to admit to my mom now how old this guy is, because I made the unfortunate choice of telling her before I knew his age that there is a guy I find cute and she has not let it go. She immadiately reminded me of my grandparents who had a 10 year age gap and how unhappy my grandma was because she was very outgoing and youthful. And I feel kind of 'dirty' for some reason because idk it just feels wrong to like someone older, like it automatically means you have daddy issues or something. But in my situation I didnt even know. I could see at one point that up close he looked older but I guessed he was 35 at most. .-.

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  • What are his mental issues? The age difference is large but yall could still be cool

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    • No idea he seems socially awkward maybe some kind of anxiety. For me its aspergers and anxiety its possible he has something like that I guess since we seem to get along easily

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      • I suggest that you look past those issues for now.. and see what kind of gentleman he is.

        Nothing ventured, nothing gained... and even if it does not work out, you will likely make a good friend and have good times.

        My best friend in life is a Lady I dated in College over 40 years ago. It did not work out for marriage... but, we have had over 40 years of solid friendship.

        My wife is impressed that I have such a long term friend and could sort out the friendship from the sexual.

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      • Could be anxiety and hes nervous around u because he likes u

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