I’m forcing my boyfriend to stay alive

34 Comments

My boyfriend attempted suicide 2 months ago when he shot himself in the head with a shotgun. He aimed the barrel up and put it under his jaw. He survived after I found him 16 hours later and took him to the hospital. His jaw, eyebrow bone, and cheekbone, was broken in half on one side where the bullet went through. Basically he had a vertical bullet path tunnel right up the right side of his face.

The bullet went through his brain, leaving him unable to verbally communicate or function his left arm and left foot, and his right eye had to be removed.

He’s not messed up mentally in anyway besides not being able to talk, but he writes things down to communicate (or more so tell me to “fuck off” or “leave” really) he effectively hates me for not letting him die, that’s my thanks I guess, and has no shame telling me how much he hates me. Still I visit him 5 times a week in rehab because he’s still the man I love, no matter the written abuse.

Am I evil for forcing him to stay alive? If I were to let him leave the hospital he would kill himself the second he got out. I know he’s suffering, he’s in pain, he hates his life and everybody in it. But things will get better for him, they have to, he survived for a reason.

Let him go 27
Keep him in the hospital and stay with him 25
Keep him in the hospital but leave 16
Take him home but stay with him 4
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Comments ( 34 )
  • ImIReally
    6 years ago

    Leaving him doesn't mean you abandon him, it just means get another boyfriend coz life is short. You may still communicate to him, what you did is good but remember he is sick, i think its called depression.

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  • BleedingPain
    6 years ago

    If he is your boyfriend, he must have loved you at somepoint. In his weakend state of mind, he needs you more than ever, no mater how much he says otherwise.
    I know from experience that when people back out of helping someone who is suicidal, it makes that person feel more alone and worthless then before. It helps justify death in their mind.

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  • ImIReally
    6 years ago

    leaving him doesn't necessarily mean abandon him.just get another boyfriend.

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  • bogbrush
    6 years ago

    It's impossible to stop someone from committing suicide if they really want to go. Don't blame yourself or get dragged to the bottom as he needs you to support him. He's in a safe place and will hopefully get the help he needs to recover.

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  • EnglishLad
    6 years ago

    Ignore my screen name for the moment, this is heartfelt genuine advice...

    Sometimes in life, we love the wrong people, and we do things without thinking of the consequences because we are blinded by our feelings for someone.

    I feel that this relates to you. Sometimes what's right and what is easy are two very different things...

    It will be immensely painful to lose the man you love, I completely understand that. But you must also recognize that if he is writing abuse to you every time you go and see him, that will only be toxic for your relationship.

    You need to leave him alone. Not for him but for yourself. Your mental sanity is being affected by his constant abuse.

    No one can take away the fact that you have tried. My honest opinion is that you let him die, and go through the greiving process with his family and anyone else who feels the love you do for him. Stay in regular contact with them all. You have done your best.

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  • Ellenna
    6 years ago

    Oh for goodness sake LEAVE THE MAN ALONE! I can understand why you took him to hospital but he's now telling you TO LEAVE HIM ALONE so that's exactly what you should be doing.

    You're not hanging around for him, you're hanging around for yourself because you're obviously obsessed with doing what you think is the "right" thing to do, regardless of his wishes.

    It would be a loving thing to do for you to allow him the power to make the only choice he now has, for you to go away and LEAVE HIM ALONE. He's virtually powerless and you're not allowing him the small amount of power he still has.

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    • nikkiclaire
      6 years ago

      Ellanna, If he is treated anything like they treated me he will have more than enough time alone with his thoughts. I thought the best thing for me was if everyone would just leave me tf alone but it wasn't. I now cherish those that hung in there and I did before. I just couldn't see it through the punishong depression and feelings of isolation.

      This situation won't be easy for anyone involved but she should gollow her heart.

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      • Ellenna
        6 years ago

        And her brain as well as her heart

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          How old are you.

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          • Ellenna
            6 years ago

            71

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  • Pumpurrnickel
    6 years ago

    Just stay with him at least until he gets better. If he really will try to kill himself again after he gets out, that's his choice. You can't do much about that.

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    • Todaysmusicsucks
      6 years ago

      Yes, I would say the same thing.

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    Honey child, I don't even know.

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    Thats messed up.

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  • TheMightyOz
    6 years ago

    I've never seen a post this serious. Talking to us amatuers is probably not a good idea. Talk to a counselor that has specialized experience dealing with suicide aftermath. Explain your feelings of numbness. Your commitment is commendable, but you have to take care of yourself with a professional first. If not, PTSD could haunt you in your future.

    PLEASE, just do it. Call for an appointment today.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      I talk to counselors biweekly, we talk about my boyfriend, I talk with my friends about my boyfriend, I talk to strangers about him, I talk to my teachers and mentors about him, he’s all I ever talk about. Medical updates, routine therapy, how is he? How are his stitches? How are his X-rays? I know better now than to ask about his brain, I stopped asking about that two weeks ago.

      I talk, and repeat myself, again, again, and again, I don’t know why I feel so forced to tell this story, but I have to. The picture of the incident never goes away, it will stay with me till the day I die, maybe making other people cringe or squint or pull away from the story is what makes me feel normal.

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  • nikkiclaire
    6 years ago

    I recently attempted suicide and there is no easy answer. My girlfriend Kate was by my side the entire time and never gave up on me. I am only alive because of what she did for me.

    However, there is no way for you to know what is really going on in his head. Most likely, he doesn't even know and he is reacting from fear, shame and any number of things.

    I liken it to trying to have a logical conversation with a drunk person. It's impossible.

    Do what you feel is best in your heart. You are going to have to live the rest of your live with the choices you make now. It sounds selfish but do what is best for you.

    My girlfriend is still really pissed at me and I can tell she tries to hide her feelings but I know I damaged her severely by my actions.

    Like I said, do what ever YOU need to do to live with yourself. He has help both psyhically and mentally at the moment, make sure you have someone to help you too.

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  • NashamaTheWeird
    6 years ago

    Stay with him until he physically recovers. After that their is not much to do to help him if he doesn't want to be helped. Let him know that you care about him and are there for him. It is important that he feels like he is not alone.

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  • brookelexx
    6 years ago

    have a serious talk with him. say you want nothing more than do be there for him and with him. but you don’t want to harm him. reassure him that you’re there for him. and understand he is definitely not okay mentally. make sure he’s getting professional help no matter what though

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  • LuxM4G
    6 years ago

    After an attempted suicide he will most certainly be checked into a psyquiatrict ward. You should stay with him unless he doesn't want you around and he's serious about it. Is there any known underlying mental condition or situation that instigated this suicide attempt?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      He was delusional and aggressive with a high fever for a week before the attempt, held his head sideways and staggered, had an insatiable thirst, he had gone to the doctors between the week and they said he had the flu.
      I should’ve insisted they run more tests.

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      • MrDexter
        6 years ago

        Well he might be angry you didn't let him die but suicide is illegal and letting someone die is illegal. So you did what some might think is morally correct as well as by law correct. You are not a bad person for saving him but if he's in such a bad state maybe he thought that solution made the most sense. I'm sorry you are going through this. I'd ask doctors how you should proceed if he does recent you this much though.

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      • LuxM4G
        6 years ago

        Okay, if he was delusional he will definitely be prescribed with some atypical neuroleptic(s). He may definitely get better over time now that he will be taken cared of.

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  • rayb12
    6 years ago

    U are doing all the right things. I'd recommend leaving this site asap. As it is filled with "trolls" who give awful cruel advise to take the piss.

    Thank you for doing this. I know its weird bc we never met, but someone needs to thank you.

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    • fakeaccount3
      6 years ago

      Right..geez, this is the heaviest IIN post I've ever seen, any response to it from here feels inappropriate (even this one I'm writing)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      I’m so numb to it all by now I’ve heard every response in the book, I’ve asked myself and others what to do so many times with so many repetitions, I thank you, maybe repeating myself over and over is my way of coping. Guess I’m just waiting for people to yell at me on what to do.

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      • rayb12
        6 years ago

        Actually, we all have blinders on when it comes to being loved.
        Just like he cant see now, what you do.
        You are loved tremendously.
        Let that carry you and him, even if its just the knowledge

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      • insanebotv21
        6 years ago

        He can't speak, he's missing half his face, and he's definitely pretty god damn depressed more now than ever. I fail to see how it could get worse. He's not being any more selfish than you were by saving him, although now that you have you might as well keep him that way.

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      • rayb12
        6 years ago

        You want yelling? I won't yell, but will instruct that you buy yourself a pen and notebook, even just a piece of paper.

        Write, anything

        I'm sure you will figure out a solution

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  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    its not like you shot him so i wouldn't fret to much about it. hey on the bright side when he goes off antibiotic he will die anyway. problem solved. see if you can buy some life insurance on him.never mind he is crazy , they wont insure him. if you are pregnant with his child you might want to get that abortion now, what does your dad say about all this stuff?

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  • bob7
    6 years ago

    how old are you both

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      He’s 27 and I’m 26

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