Husband doesn’t share finances with me?

I wish I didn’t have to ask strangers about this but I do. My husband doesn’t respond well when I ask him financial stuff. He says I’m being a nag. He comes from a very broken family so I understand why he is weary about sharing stuff but it hurts me that he thinks it might happen to us. Anyways we don’t have a joint bank account. We have been married a little over a year. He had a bad credit score when I applied for a mortgage in July(which I didn’t know about). Someone took out a credit card in his name and didn’t pay it off. We don’t know who it was.. However he froze his credit lines and refuses to pay it off. It’s only about 200 dollars. I totally understand why he wouldn’t want to but he also isn’t making an effort with phone calls to try and get it taken off his credit score…. Doesn’t really make sense does it? I have been working so hard to build my credit to buy a house and he still doesn’t even have a credit card. I saved up money to pay his car off to help his score and he won’t give me the paperwork to pay it off. Does this sound normal to anyone? Because to me it just sounds… sketchy. Is it normal to want your spouse to have nothing to do with finances? We live in an apartment and he pays ALL the bills. He doesn’t want me to help.. ? He HAS a nice job but refuses to work on his credit. What should I do about this? It’s very weird and doesn’t seem normal to me, although I don’t have much experience in the financial aspect..

I love him very much and he’s a great person so I feel bad pressing him about it when he obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. And when I tell you he doesn’t want to talk about it.. i mean he will REFUSE to talk about it. Trust me I’ve asked over a million times. He takes care of me, pays the bills, we have a nice two bedroom apartment. I just wish he wanted more out of life? It’s very weird. There is no sitting down and having a heart to heart conversation with him

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Comments ( 10 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Personally, and this is just me, I would never live with someone unwilling to discuss basic finances. You don't have to give me your bank account stuff but if you're helping out with rent, bills, or any other money related things I want to at least know you're good on money.

    I don't care if my roommate never speaks to me. I just want to know if they guy is good on his half of the rent for that month.

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  • No reason for him not to give you access to see what money or debt he has. In my relationship I am in total control of all our finances. Everything is in my name, the house we live in, our holiday home, the car he drives, everything. As well as his partner I am his boss, I own and run a property company. The wages he earns go into his bank account and then most of it is transferred to our household account which is in my sole name. He keeps a small amount as his personal spending money. However, there are no secrets, he can look at any of my bank accounts anytime he wants. He just has to ask and I will show him what money goes in and out.

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    • You also own your husband though right? (Sub/dom)

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      • I don’t own him, he is free to leave our relationship any time he wants. But we have an understanding that I am in control. He does as I say and dresses the way I want him to. If he disobeys me he is severely punished. There are no safe words, no debates, no arguments. If he doesn’t like something he will learn to deal with it. However, there are still no secrets. As I said before he is free to see any of our financial information, he just needs to ask. If he wants to know something, again he just needs to ask and I will answer him truthfully.

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  • This is not acceptable behavior by your husband. Please get counseling

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  • This is a difficult situation. My wife and I had full financial disclosure before we got married; and have individual His & Her accounts as well as a joint account for normal household finances. We both have the ability to see what is going on in the other's individual bank and retirement accounts.

    There are many reasons why he does not wish to share; and some of them could really be innocent.

    Marriage is not just about sharing a life together - its about being able to resolve problems. You have what I perceive as legitimate concerns. I would suggest that you seek some kind of counseling. You should ask - and tell him its not a trivial issue to you; and that you are willing to be flexible and work with him to build a better life together once you understand what is going on as long as he is also willing to work to build a better life together (and what he's doing is not illegal).

    Often a good place to start is within a church where they have the knowledge and experience on how to start the process (often it starts with just you going and talking with someone - and they suggest ways to bring the other party into the conversation).

    Are you in a community property state? If so you may be jointly liable for any financial transactions that occurred after you got married (but not the ones that occurred before); unless you executed and lived by a proper Prenup agreement,

    While rare, be aware that perhaps not everything is kosher, and you may have some very difficult decisions ahead of you.

    I wish you the best in this...

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  • I feel like he is hiding something.

    https://youtu.be/cDGlN6mluGA

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  • Maybe he has alot of savings and he wants to hide it incase things dont work out. Did yall sign a prenupt?

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    • Maybe you’re right lol, and no we didn’t.

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      • Thats what it is i bet since you've only been married a year. He probably have cash app and robinhood and money going in different directions too not just a bank account.

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