How to thank our vets

So I work in retail, and I have a lot of people tell me they're back from overseas or have served. I don't know the appropriate response because I've heard that "Thank you for your service" actually bothers some people? I want to appreciate them and thank them but I don't really know what to say. Any advice?

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Comments ( 10 )
  • Boojum

    I spent nearly a decade in the US military, and I find the whole "Thank you for your service" thing very annoying.

    It's a platitude: something that people say automatically because they're believe they're supposed to say it. Sort of like how if a total stranger told them that their drug-dealing, child-abusing brother was recently killed when a meth deal went bad, they'd automatically say "I'm sorry for your loss", even though they actually don't give a shit about how the surviving sibling is feeling and think the scumbag's death made the world a slightly better place.

    At the moment, America glorifies military service. I think that says something very worrying about what's going on in the collective psyche, and I also think that the "Thank you for your service" thing is a way for those who never chose to serve to massage away their guilt for not signing up and having skin in the game. It's a polite way to say "I'm glad you served, because I sure as shit wasn't going to". Many of those who say it are flag waiving zealots who never signed up, spend no time thinking seriously about world events or domestic politics, and happily agree to sending the military off to war without a second thought about the physical, emotional, financial and societal costs of military conflict.

    The vast majority of those who serve in the military never see combat. All those in the military have volunteered to give up many of the freedoms civilians enjoy for several years, and during that time they are at a higher theoretical risk from terrorists than civilians, but it's not like those in support roles wake up ever morning wondering if they'll survive the day. Thanking those people for their service makes as much sense as thanking every cop, nurse, sewage worker, telephone lineman, Amazon warehouse worker and Starbucks barista you ever meet for their service in helping you have a safe and comfortable life.

    As for the minority who have been in combat, those of us who've never been in that situation will never truly understand what it's like, and no platitude will ever be enough to make up for the trauma they've experienced.

    I suggest you treat veterans with respect - but then that's a good policy for everyone you meet. If someone makes a big deal of how they served and how this means they merit special treatment, then they're probably either a dick (and there are just as many dickheads in the military as there are in the civilian world), or they're possibly a liar that's trying to exploit the current reverence for vets.

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    • Nikclaire

      Well that's just about the most jaded, cynical bullshit I've heard all week, and I've had a really crap week.

      How about just taking the gratitude with a little humility.

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    • McBean

      Hear, hear.

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  • RoseIsabella

    Tell them to you appreciate their service to this country. Just be polite, friendly respectful.

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  • CDmale4fem

    As a 7 year veteran myself, I take no offense to the "thank you for your service". I had no hesitation signing up when I finished high school. There are many people that have never been to places I and so many have been. It was an experience that I'm glad to have had. What bothers me is when do many would rather sit around and smoke weed and other shit to avoid going in the military. We as Americans should be proud to be, and have the freedoms we do. In that respect, we should not be afraid to do what we have to do and should do as an American. I honestly will say I have issues with so many people coming to U.S. and they are mad or kissed about whatever because of their "beliefs". I agree that if you don't like it - then hit the fucking road and get the hell out and go home. As for the Veterans, be respectful, treat them as you would want to be treated. If you know a veteran who could use a helping hand, don't be afraid to offer a hand. It might make a difference in their day and yours.

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  • TerriAngel

    I agree with 90% of boojums reply.
    Its a volunteer job.
    There is no draft.
    If they went, its by choice.
    That said, they signed to defend this country.
    IF they are injured while enlisted.
    WE OWE them, the best care our country can provide.

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    • Boojum

      I totally agree with your final point.

      There's an implicit contract between a nation and the people who agree to do the dirty business of defending it (how ever wrong-headedly the politicians of the day may define that): if you're damaged in any way by what you're ordered to do, you will be looked after.

      The USA is far from unique in not always honouring that contract; British veterans often receive care that falls far short of what they need and deserve. But at least the UK doesn't make a huge pretence of putting vets up on a pedestal. Most vets here don't make a big deal of their former employment in the armed forces, and thanking vets for their service just isn't a thing.

      The Veterans Administration has a long history of failing vets, and that's a scandal in the richest country in the world. VA medical staff are paid far less than what's available in private practice, which means that there are chronic personnel shortages. It's not uncommon for a vet to wait for a month to be seen by a doctor, and the standard of care they then receive often isn't up to the standard of what's available in good non-VA hospitals.

      And that's not to mention failures of bureaucracy which have meant, for example, that delays in processing paperwork have resulted in hundreds of thousands of vets never getting the benefits to which they were entitled before they died.

      Around 13% of all American men alive today have served at some time, so virtually everyone in America has friends or family members who are former military. If Americans truly cared about vets, they would be kicking up a stink with the politicians about providing adequate funding for the VA, not merely routinely spouting platitudes when they learn someone has been in the military.

      (BTW, if that 13% figure seems high to anyone, the calculation is here: https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/what-percentage-of-americans-have-served-in-the-military/ )

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  • cupcake_wants

    Ask them if they're ok from the experience. Imagine having to go to a foreign country to kill people! No wonder so many have PTSD! Maybe you could be their opportunity to express such a thing.

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    • Although I'd be totally and openly willing to sit down and talk to them if they proposed the idea, I feel like asking that may be triggering to some veterans.

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      • cupcake_wants

        Hmm, well ok I see where youre coming from. Just asking if they're "ok", do you think that would be so bad? Without sounding like you're prying or anything.

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