How to respond when somebody asks "do you mind if..."?

5 Comments

I don't know if this is the right website to be asking this but...I realized that when somebody asks "Do you mind if...", you can't just answer with a simple "No". There has to be a phrase that comes with it, otherwise it'd be taken as "No, u can't" instead of "No, I don't mind."

When I moved to America, a guy asked me "Do you mind if I sit here?" pointing at the empty seat next to me. I said "No" and the guy and some people around me gave me looks. I got confused for a second. And then he asked me again "No?" And I finally realized what was going on and I said "No, I don't mind". It was one of the most awkward moments of my life.

I mean he was asking me if I mind or not and I said "no". Anyway, how should I respond to this question? And are there other tricky questions similar to this one? And how should I respond to them? Thank u.

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Comments ( 5 )
  • wigz
    6 years ago

    He might've been confused by your tone- thinking...no? I can't? Or, no, you don't mind? I usually answer that with a bit extra, like 'no, go ahead' or something. Never really thought about that before though, kinda interesting to have it pointed out!

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    Your response was logical.

    However, I can understand why your curt "No" confused him.

    "Do you mind if..." is one of those over-complicated phrases that people use to oil the gears of of social interaction.

    He could have just said, "Can I sit here?" but some people think that sounds a little rude, particularly if they're addressing a stranger. "Do you mind..." indicates that the person speaking recognizes that he's addressing another human being with their own needs and preferences, and that he's willing to take those into account before acting. I suppose part of the reason the guy was a little taken aback might have been because you didn't respond with your own little squirt of social oil.

    All cultures have these little quirks and mannerisms which you only encounter when you deal with the locals on a daily basis. No need for you to feel embarrassed or cringe when you recall the incident. It was just a moment of social adjustment. The guy has probably long-since forgotten the moment.

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  • rayb12
    6 years ago

    I say "oh, not at all". It is such a confusing saying as sometimes people even say "yes" to mean they don't mind. It is all in their tone of voice, body gestures, and facial expressions. I'm sure there are other tricky questions but can't think of them right now

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    I usually say "Sure" or "Yes, it's fine."

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  • Murun
    6 years ago

    I confused myself silly in Bulgaria where a nod means no and a shake means yes.

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