How to handle grief?

My wife of more than twenty years died about fifteen years ago, so I have experience of losing someone close, and I agree with the points made by SwickDinging.

You can't know what the woman is feeling because people do not experience grief in one standard way. My wife died because of the recurrence of a brain tumour about a decade after she was first treated for this, and the terminal phase of her life went on for some months. This meant I had time to come to terms with her departure and I went through some of the grieving process before she actually died. It didn't make it easy, but my experience was completely different to someone whose healthy, happy child is holding their hand as they walk down the street one moment, and a few seconds later is lying mangled and dead in the road.

You say the man died after a heart transplant, so he had clearly been unwell for some time. It's possible his wife understood that the transplant was a last-ditch effort that might fail and she's moving towards acceptance quite quickly. It's possible she's been in denial for years and his death has hit her hard. It's possible that some of what she's feeling is relief that her husband's struggle has finally come to an end, and she's feeling guilty about that.

The bottom line is that it's perfectly natural for you to not know what she's going through and you don't need to feel guilty about this. It's also natural that you feel awkward since, in our culture, death is something most people try to very hard to avoid thinking about, and being confronted with the reality of our mortality can make us feel very uncomfortable.

The feeling of grief either happens or it doesn't - don't feel guilty if you don't feel it. It probably just means that you weren't that close.

In terms of how to act, just be sympathetic and supportive, and don't awkwardly avoid the issue. When you see her say "I'm so sorry about what happened. If there is anything at all I can do just let me know". And actually mean it. She's unlikely to ask for anything but just the offer is nice.

Don't pretend that you know how she feels. Don't be overly formal. Don't avoid the subject. Don't tell her it will be ok, because it won't, and she knows it won't. Just acknowledge that it's a really shitty time for her and be supportive.

If you care about her, go and see her. It's not necessary to take flowers because she's probably already buried in them.

Tell her you're really sorry about what's happened and ask what you can do for her. Keep asking this at intervals over the following weeks and months: many bereaved people say that they get lots of support immediately after a death but that it tapers off and then vanishes as people forget, which is something she can't do.

Under no circumstances say that you know how she feels, because you don't or that the person who's died is in a better place: these are both common cliches people trot out and which are no help at all.

Above all, remember you're going to see her and attending the funeral not for yourself but for others.

If you’re concerned bc You’re not grieving, be a caretaker. Just be there for those that are sad. Do your best to give them comfort without bleeding yourself dry.

Kinda have to trick yourself into caring. Act like he was more important to you so your behavior reflects it.

Stiff drink and a good night's sleep. The amount of drinks is proportional to how close they were.

crying is a pretty decent way to deal with grief not all the time though but every now and again until you forget about it