How to get wife to clean downstairs

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I have a stay at home wife. I work 65 hour weeks. She never has to ask if she wants to buy somethibg. I take care of the yard and fix shit. But we have a big basement and she never cleans that shit. Theres cats that we leave down there and she will not do the litter for 2 days sometimes and there will be cat hair everywhere and grime. But then the upstairs will be absolutely pristine. How do I get her to clean downstairs? Ive been bitchijg about it. I know its hard raising the kids but its kind of her not doing her job. Her job is cleaning and raising kids. My job is making money and keeping the house standing.

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Based on 9 votes (5 yes)

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Comments ( 23 )

darefu

1 year ago

Don't know what to tell you except be honest, frank, and communicate, a lot.

Is the basement a deal breaker? Is it important enough to end your relationship over? Or is it the straw that broke the Camel?

Kind of had that situation my SO at the time, another female, was a stay at home homemaker. I was the bread winner and worked 8 to 12 hr days. No children involved, so her responsibilities were really taking care of house, meals, and me! She was half ass taking care of the first two, the last one was pretty good. However, I had the same question and was told the same thing. Do a little extra and show her you care, and how much you appreciate what she does. Well, it took a while but pretty soon I was doing the dishes, laundry, feeding her animals, and making my own meals. Meanwhile she sat on the sofa, slept in, and went to bed early. Gained about 30kg, 65lbs no longer wanted to be playful in bed and frankly I wasn't much interested in her anymore.

I soon found myself just as happy by myself and looking for excuses to go separate ways. So, is it really the basement and have you talked (really talked) to her about it.

Good luck!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  1 year ago
  
  I cant see myself ever leaving my wife honestly. But it is a big issue. The house is starting to smell like cat piss and theres just layers of hair everywhere and grime and all kinds of crap downstairs. Its disgusting.
  
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  - darefu
    
    1 year ago
    
    As I see it, just as with my situation, you can quit winning and do it yourself or prepare to leave. Even if you get her to do it. It will most likely be a temporary thing and she will resent it.
    
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Cable4nerds

1 year ago

I would say I agree with some of the things as far as try a different way to communicate and figure out why/how to express how much of a problem it is for you and why and see how she feels about it. Maybe she needs a break for a few hours to decompress and then she can refocus on household things? That worked for my family. I know it sounds stupid because you’re killing yourself working and it doesn’t seem exactly “fair” but it is exhausting watching the kids and her going out could be her way of getting out - but it should be she helps get the household things done, even if it has to be a few small things before cleaning an entire space from top to bottom, just starting small, going to do her thing and then coming home to finish? Idk just creating options here but I do feel you man. Same issue here having a kiddo and slacking on things and then it gets frustrating coming home to a mess.

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bigbudchonger

1 year ago

I'm with you, man. Fuck, a 65 hour week? Yeah, dude I'd expect a clean house too. It's not like you're asking for the moon here.

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olderdude-xx

1 year ago

Actually, the problem is likely much more than cleaning the house.

She likely feels unfulfilled, and has no motivation to do something nice for you.

You need to change that.

Most often its because you have not communicate to her how much you love and appreciate her - in a way that she understands.

Please get 2 copies of the book: "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. 1 for each of you. You will likely read them at a different pace, which is OK as long as it gets read and acted on.

Learn to show her that you love and care for her, and appreciate her... and a lot of good things will happen in your life in return.

That's usually about 90% of all the problems in situations like this.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  1 year ago
  
  Im not sure giving her more hugs and telling her how much i love her is going to magically get her to start cleaning. I believe it would make the situation worse because she would slack off even more.
  
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  - olderdude-xx
    
    1 year ago
    
    That's why you need to read the book, and she needs to read it as well.
    
    Hugs and telling her you love her is probably not her "love language". You need to find out what it is - and start to communicate in that form to her. She also needs to find out the same about you.
    
    The fact is that neither of you likely understand anything about a very key aspect of a long term relationship. The book will educate you on this area.
    
    Of course, many people are not willing to admit that they need to learn something new. Which is my view is the ultimate expression of stupidity. Where you fit is up to you.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      1 year ago
      
      Yeah maybe you're right
      
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MiyokoMei

1 year ago

Why don't you do it together? She might not know where to start. Being a stay at home mom is a job too. Maybe she wonders what the point is to constantly be cleaning the basement? Do you have people down there a lot? If not, then I don't see the big deal.

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Tommythecaty

1 year ago

You can handle all of that but honestly need to ask this question.

People are interesting.

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litelander8

1 year ago

Literally, just clean it yourself.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  1 year ago
  
  Thats not fair to me though. I am always working and she's out hanging with friends everyday and not cleaning downstairs. We are supposed to be a team.
  
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  - olderdude-xx
    
    1 year ago
    
    Who said life was fair or easy?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      1 year ago
      
      What are you saying, you want me to be a cuck? Let the woman not do anything and I pay for her to just basically stay on vacation everyday while I work 24 7?
      
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      - litelander8
        
        1 year ago
        
        Helping your wife makes you a cuck? What a fag.
        
        Just do it. Grab some beers and go do it.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        1 year ago
        
        I dont know if you missed the part where I said I work 65 hour weeks. This isnt an exaturation I also have a long drive home. I have 0 freetime. When I get home I go straight to bed just to sleep 6 hours a night. While she goes shopping everyday and hangs out with friends.
        
        Why cant you look at this from a practical stance and not a feminist stance? I know you are a feminist and say you bathe only twice a week and have multiple baby daddies so maybe you are the wrong one to get advice from. Probably why men dont stay with you.
        
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- bigbudchonger
  
  1 year ago
  
  He works a 65 hour week. Marriage is meant to be give and take, and he's giving a lot.
  
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How to get wife to clean downstairs