How does one forgive and forget

35% Normal

My boyfriend reciently just passed and i was helping him complete his bucket list. His last thing was to not die a virgin so being me, i said yes... The problem is that we did it unprotected and now im pregnant... Although its my fault for not making sure we were protected, im still inraged that he would leave me like this. Is it normal that im angry? How can i forgive him?

Voting Results

35% Normal

Based on 34 votes (12 yes)

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Comments ( 28 )

Holzman_67

9 years ago | pl

well, you knew the risks of having unprotected sex. You can't blame him in full you're at least 50% responsible. For this reason I voted not normal for being so angry. But I understand you'd be going through a lot right now and it might be hard to make sense of emotions. Speak to some family members, go through the proper grieving process and clear your mind before you decide what you want to do with this baby.

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kelili

9 years ago

Be brave.

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howaminotmyself

9 years ago

You will get over it. If not with the first sound of its heartbeat, then with the first kick. If not with that, then with the first moment you lay eyes on your little one. Its natural to be angry, but you do have someone wonderful to remind you of him.

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- Gspyder
  
  9 years ago
  
  I think this is true. If you don't feel this way, his parents may want to keep it for those same reasons.
  
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    9 years ago
    
    His parents think less of me and know that im not 100% all in on this baby. If i give the baby to them, chances are they will do everything in their power to not let me see the baby.
    
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TrustMeImLying

9 years ago

Me thinks your anger over the pregnancy is your way of coping with his passing-away

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LadyOfDecay♡

9 years ago

You're angry at your dead boyfriend for dying, something he couldn't control, and leaving you pregnant, even though you had the chance to use protection and you didn't?

Mentioning in your post that you know it was stupid to not use protection, doesn't let you off the hook here. This is officially your responsibility, and you need to accept it.

Getting an abortion would be a really lousy thing to do, killing the last part of your boyfriend that lives. That's like, he's legacy. If you don't want to keep the child fine, weasel out and give him/her up for adoption, its the better thing to do versus abortion.

I'm sorry for your loss, but really? I can't believe you're angry at your boyfriend who died because you allowed him to get you pregnant. That's all on you.

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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

You have no right to be mad at him for this. You knew the risks of unprotected sex just as much as he did.

Being angry at a dead person is incredibly selfish. They are gone and there is nothing you can do about it. Try to remember the good things instead of bad. I hate when somebody complains that somebody died and they are mad for reasons like they owed money or other petty bullshit.

Reminders of people who have passed are a good thing. We should not forget those who have died and remember them with respect they deserve. Sometimes memories are sad but we have to deal with them anyways. I hope people don't want to forget me when I die.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I realized that it was stupid so im keeping the baby
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    9 years ago
    
    Sometimes the best things in life are mistakes.
    
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noid

9 years ago

It's not like he just chose to die.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Sometimes i think he inadvertently chose it
  
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  - VeganKiller365
    
    9 years ago
    
    I think it'll be more sweet if you don't abort it, you can keep it or put it up for adoption, every time you see the child it will remind you of your boyfriend :)
    
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  - noid
    
    9 years ago
    
    People don't choose cancer.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      No, but he chose to smoke.
      
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davesumba

9 years ago

It's a two step process. You forgive, and then you forget.

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RoseIsabella

9 years ago

Get over it and have the baby. At least you have part of him now! Try to think this child as a blessing. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it! Think of all the young women whose husbands and boyfriends die in the war and have nothing left to remember them by.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  The only reason why i wouldn't keep the baby other than finances is because i wouldn't be able to look at the kid without thinking about him and stuff but in all reality, theres always a positive to a negative (and mostly because my reason is cheap and lame)
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    9 years ago
    
    Of course you would be reminded of your late boyfriend when you look at the baby, and that's normal and natural, but please try to look on the bright side and see the child as a product and symbol of your love for one another.
    
    If I may ask, how did your boyfriend die?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Lung cancer
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        9 years ago
        
        Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! How do your parents and his parents feel about this pregnancy?
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        My parents said that if i ever needed a babysitter, they'd be available. His parents are giving me shit
        
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Energy

9 years ago

Abortion or set it up for adoption.

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thegypsysailor

9 years ago

Why the hell are you mad at him? He had little or nothing to do with your getting pregnant, as you said "Although its my fault".
Way, way misplaced anger here and towards a dead guy, that's just nuts.
Get an abortion and be wiser next time you are fulfilling someone's bucket list.

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eu1979

9 years ago

did you loved your boyfriend? so why shouldn't you love a baby from you both?
maybe your angry at the universe and not him for the way things turned out.

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DingDongCabong

9 years ago

Im sorry for your loss..
but you shouldnt be mad at him

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alextsang08

9 years ago

Abortion or adoption.

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How does one forgive and forget