How do you deal with a friend like this?

7 Comments

How do you know when it´s time to let go of someone who was once Close to you?

Background; We´ve been best friends for at least Three years, friends for four. She´s 23 and I´m 26.

The first four years Went friction free and I let small things pass because it wasn´t important enough to create a fuzz about them.

But when me and my boyfriend, whom I´ve been together with for four years, was about to sign our contract for our first apartment and would move in together ... Everything changed.

She backed away that same week and either didn´t respond or responded rudely- Causing that week to be incredibly awful to me when it should have been an Amazing week.

After we had not spoken at all for 4-5 Days (Never happened Before) I wrote a long text about how sad and worried I was and if I had done something wrong even though I knew I hadn´t done anything wrong.

She responded, saying she was sad and depressed and jealous that I was moving in with someone and she feared I´d dump her.

I comforted her, saying I would not. But the next time she acted up like this I´d not be as nice (She knows that I have zero acceptance for friends who attacks me because they are sad)

But every since that week, it just never returned to the way it was.
It has just been small insignificant things but I do not wish to just take it and accept her rude behaviour when it drains me.

I want my old friend back, but she´s very depressed and has been for a while. I`ve so much going on that stresses me out and requires my full focus.

We do need to talk about this, really talk it through. But she doesn´t want to and prefers to try and act as if everything is normal while I know it isnt.

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Comments ( 7 )
  • S12207
    6 years ago

    Your friend sounds like a child who has some issues, but you know this. She should be happy for you, and instead is throwing a temper tantrum because of her fears and her personal bullshit.

    It's hard to lose a friend or have things change, but she has alot of growing up to do and you shouldn't be left taking the brunt of things.

    She's not going to change until she wants to and life throws things at her to make her eyes open, no matter what you try to do for her. It's a hard sad truth.

    Let her go through what she needs to and maybe down the road when she addresses her issues you can work it out.

    It sounds like you are addressing it appropriately by not tolerating her bs and trying to talk it out.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      Today I asked if we should hit the gym tomorrow, she responds that there´s a storm coming so she don´t know if she dares to leave home (It´s understandable, we both risk getting stuck for hours if the trains wont run)

      So instead I said that we could in worst case do friday and if she wanted to we could hang out further at me and my boyfriend´s .
      She hasn´t even opened it to read ... (She has been Active in other chats, one of them is a Group chat with me and Another friend)

      How would you suggest that I proceed now?

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      • S12207
        6 years ago

        I would try my best attempt to talk to her and explain she is being ridiculous and ruining your friendship. If you can get in touch with her shoot her a text or something. Tell her how her behaviour is affecting your friendship. Let her know you're there for her if she needs you, but you also have a big step you're taking with your bf and not chasing her around. Let her know what's up in a nice way, and move on with your life. I'm sure she just needs space to figure herself out and will come around. If she doesn't, well you don't need a friend treating you like that because she's jealous and insecure. Sometimes people get complacent and have a tough time with change.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          She did open the message but did so about an hour Before we were supposed to meet up and I pointed out it took her a while to respond.
          She claimed she didn´t see the message ( She has previously told me that sometimes when she isnt certain if she want to do something she holds off her reply so she can Think about it in Peace)

          We did meet this friday, felt decent.

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  • Pumpurrnickel
    6 years ago

    If she doesn't want to fix the friendship you both once had, that's completely on her. You've done everything you should have. The rest depends on her.

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  • nikkiclaire
    6 years ago

    Did you ever think maybe she has/had feelings for you? It doesn't sound like she is actively perstering you from what you described, in fact you sound like the one with the issue with her.

    Give her some space and let her know you live her as a friend.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      The most resent example is that she blåmed me for her lack of motivation during our work out sessions because my charisma wasn´t motivating her enough.

      We are relatives also, so I don´t Think she´s into me.

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