How do i handle my bf's low self esteem about his intelligence?

11 Comments

My boyfriend has always struggled academically, he had to really work hard to keep around a 3.0 GPA in high school and could never handle the harder classes. Now through college he's struggling even more and it really frustrates him.

He's always been very athletic and extremely talented with his hands, he does woodwork and can make some beautiful furniture and is very good at figuring out how to fix any plumbing or electricity or auto problems we've had.

But math and writing completely stumps him. Even with tutoring and retaking Algebra twice he just can't seem to grasp the concepts. I feel really bad for him, because he works so hard and gets so down and frustrated over it.

I'm currently studying to be a cosmetic surgeon, which inherently pulls in some higher salary numbers, and I think he's embarrassed about possibly making less than me. And at this point, he's becoming bitter and resentful and a ticking time bomb to go on the defensive if anything threatens to make him "look dumb"

I try to encourage him to keep at his academics, but I'm not sure if I should get him to focus more on what he's good at rather than what people expect him to be good at.

Encourage him to keep trying to excel academically 1
Have him focus more on what he's good at, maybe school isn't his thing 20
Other. 3
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Tealights
    7 years ago | pl

    He's by no means stupid, but just excel in different areas. Sure, being book smart is nice, but it's not the only way to succeed in today's society, it's just the most well known method; we're lead to believe that good grades equal good job, but the world isn't that black and white. Your boyfriend, can still do amazing things, make a lot of money doing it all with his talents, some ingenuity, and hard work toward his goals.

    He's in a position to do what he loves everyday, because being good with your hands is like having the intimate tools. If you can, encourage him to explore different career paths.

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  • Cookiecutter
    7 years ago

    Not everyone is great at school but everyone is good at something so get your bf to explore those things hes good at. Its a talent to be good at fixing things I was in college b/c I was always told your smart if your good at school but thats not the case. If he excels in something other than academics than focus on that.

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    I know this is going to sound mean, but there's someone better out there for you. You might have a happier life with someone who is your equal.

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  • McBean
    7 years ago

    Computers, my dear. Have him learn to wire office buildings with Local Area Networks and he will have plenty of high paid work.

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  • herpesfreesince93
    7 years ago

    If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree....

    How much would it cost to get a hair grafting strand by strand procedure done?

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  • rayb12
    7 years ago

    ur his girlfriend, it isn't your place to try to change him, encourage him with what he is trying to accomplish. Your judgement is irrelevant even if a different choice would be better, that is his choice to make, not yours. He may have a different way of solving problems than you. I understand your frustrations but this is who he is and you need to accept him as he is.

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  • musicjuice
    7 years ago

    Maybe he has a learning disability? I recommend looking it up and seeing of any of the traits match up for ADD or dyslexia. If you have a learning disability, you are able to get special accommodations to help in school (after professionally diagnosed.)

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  • Justmehere
    7 years ago

    Have to be honest here..Is he, genuinely, just not very intelligent? If you know you're more intelligent, and, are better than him, it's going to show up at some point. It's unavoidable, no matter how nice we think we're being. He may have "other skills", but if you know you're smarter, it will work on you as well as him.

    My ex-wife wasn't exactly the most intelligent person. I knew from when I met her, the misspellings, dyslexia, lack of picking up on common things or sense..She was, not to be mean..Below me intellectually. Even in college, she'd stop by my dorm room and write "I'm in the lobie" on the door (lobby), I'd be careful around friends b/c didn't want her intelligence exposed. For years, she'd get things wrong at our house and I'd have to silently fix it. I paid the bills b/c didn't trust her to do so.

    As the years went by, and, if you stay with this guy, you'll be the same, the intelligence gap will widen and become unavoidable. He'll think you think he's stupid, and you will. And it will be true. We can't help it.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      I actually really relate to everything you said. He spells fine though, no dyslexia or learning issues, just not the "brightest" as awful as I feel saying it. It just takes him a few more tries to pick up on what I get right away. He's got common sense, just ya know not the most receptive or attentive to some things.

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      • Tealights
        7 years ago

        You seem to have a very low opinion of him. Why not end the relationship, and find a guy that is bright by your standards?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          7 years ago

          I'm not looking for bright, and I do not have a low opinion of him. He struggles educationally. He isn't exceptionally receptive. These are facts. No where did I say I didn't like these things. I love him very much for who he is and what he's good at.

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