Housewife, yay or nay?

Suppose you have the following deal:

> Husband can afford to be the sole breadwinner

> Husband gives you three options:

1) You work full-time: the two of you split the housework, the home expenses, the child rearing and expenses, the decision-making, and each covers their own personal expenses;

2) You work half-time: you get the housework, he covers the home expenses, you split the child rearing and expenses, and each covers own personal expenses;

3) You stay at home: he covers the home expenses + gives you a semi-monthly allowance for personal expenses; in return, you do the housework (cooking optional) + take care of possible kids in the future (above two kids, he hires help) + look fappable + he has the final word on various couple/family matters

> Husband's stated preference is #3, but still gives you a choice

Which would you pick in this scenario?

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  • I picked part-time job. My actual preference in this situation is the housewife. Largely because it would be very important for me to personally oversee my children's education, nutrition, and general well-being.

    However, I don't trust another person to have complete control over finances while I'm unemployed.

    Suppose the marriage turned ugly or abusive? It's safer for me, and possibly the children, to at least earn some of my own money, and have a source of stability outside of the husband.

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    • Fair enough. But that's also what marriage agreements are for. Pre-nups aren't just for when a rich guy marries that chick who works at the beauty parlor. No, it's supposed to protect both spouses from bad (mostly financial) surprises both during the marriage and in case of divorce.

      The husband makes his requirements, but the wife also makes hers. For instance, that semi-monthly allowance for personal expenses I mentioned, the husband can be required by law to provide it. You agree on the amount beforehand (say, $300 adjusted to inflation) and it'll be automatically transferred from his account to yours each 15 days for as long as she's unemployed. Keep in mind that's just for personal expenses (mostly clothes or whatever she buys), he takes care of the home (food, bills, etc.) and kids' expenses as per 'the housewife option' agreement, and that too can be put in the pre-nup. Actually everything I mentioned in my three options' deal can be put in there, and the party that fails to respect its end repeatedly gets penalized in case of divorce.

      And re: divorce, you also both agree on a separation amount, which is what the man primarily does the pre-nup for. Generally, it has to be high enough to allow the divorcée to pay rent or add to it and buy property and maintain a decent standard for several months without working, but not so high that it incentivizes divorce in and of itself. Generally it's one payment around $40K adjusted to inflation, and that's it - no alimony, no half his stuff; just that payment + whatever child support until they reach 18.

      That way you both enter the marriage with an eased mind. You know your financial security and the husband taking care of business are protected by the State during marriage, and if he fails at that you get a higher payment than the one agreed from divorce; and he knows you better be taking care of the kids, keeping the house tidy, and not letting your legs grow hairy.

      By the way, if you're wondering how come I'm so familiar with prenuptial agreements, well that's because the four of my buddies tied the knot in the last three years (hence me thinking about settling down), the four of them are well-off, three of them married women well below them in income/wealth, and the four of them drew up similar pre agreements, which they wouldn't shut up about for the entirety of their engagement period.

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      • Interesting. Thanks for educating me.

        I still have little interest in the world of love and relationships, but this information gave me a slightly more open mind.

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  • Marriage is a partnership And I'm a fifty percent stakeholder, so he doesn't decide to give me an allowance unless he receives the same amount.

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  • Before children, I'd prefer to work at least part time but if he insisted on wanting me to not work..assuming he's my perfect man and this is very important to him...then I could agree to stay home as long as I could take occasional classes, maybe have a little home business and a hobby farm.

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  • If there's a child involved then I think one should stay at home. Whoever has the more stable, higher-income job should bring in the money.

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    • Whoa! I thought you were pretty much against the stay at home thing in the past.

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      • I remember I was, yeah but if I can recall I think I took exception to when a kid was involved. I can't remember that far back on the subject haha.

        Either way, it's up to others how they live their life. :)

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  • Childcare often costs as much as one persons salary. If younplan on having kids, especially more than one, a stay at home parent is uaually the best iption formthe family. Considering you live in the states.

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    • I just looked it up, and it says an average $400,000 for 18 years. And that's counting housing (30% of the expenses). So if you're already a homeowner, it's gonna be $280,000 until he reaches adulthood, i.e. $15,500 a year. Fifteen grand a year, even an average earner can afford around three kids on that, provided he owns a home and has no debt.

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  • Despite what the media tells you, most women still prefer the man to be the bread winner.

    I am fortunate enough to have made my own money doing porn, but it's not for every woman.

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    • So if you met a guy capable of taking care of business, you see yourself putting your outside job on hold and instead take care of the home and kids?

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  • I'd probably go with #3 as well.

    Let us know what will your wife's answer be.

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    • I'm not married, actually. But that's the point, I'm trying to see if it's worth settling down or not. I'm surveying the field, so to speak - what are my chances of getting a wifely wife vs. a "my independence uber alles" type. Looks like it's the latter by the initial results. Meh, the casual girlfriend lifestyle isn't that bad either.

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      • That's why this is best discussed before - way before - you decide to ask for marriage. If any given girlfriend or even hookup and yourself don't see eye to eye on this issue, then don't even consider settling with her, especially if neither of you is flexible on his position. Or else you know it's gonna end, and it'll end soon.

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        • Guess you're right. Thanks.

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        • You're very correct in saying that this should be discussed far prior to marriage.

          More than a few couples undergo too much preventable bickering regarding work, housework, and who'll do what with the children.

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  • Men are welcome to state their preferences in the comment section.

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  • Housewives are women who's dads took care of them their whole lives and can't hold down a job, so they seek any alternative to actually going to work. Not that having a job is that awesome or necessary, but basically there's a loophole that once you have kids suddenly doing your own laundry is a "full time job." Most daytime TV dr phil style shows who pander to these people support that mantra. It's not a job, it's a luxury lifestyle for certain people who trap workaholics and people with too much money.

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    • No one's trapping or tricking me. I genuinely want a housewife for a wife, one who keeps the home clean and tidy, irons my shirt, takes care of the kids, and on whom I have some responsibility and authority. So long as she carries those tasks, I don't care what she does with her free time or money.

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      • Have fun living a boring, vanilla life. I hope you're happy never imagining more than that.

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        • Why would having a housewife be any more vanilla than having a working woman with whom you'll have to share the housework and kids' care after work? If anything, coming home and finding all the housework done and kids taken care of leaves the both of you with more free time to do fun stuff.

          You're stinking of sour grapes, SmokeEverything.

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          • Housework and boring jobs as a basis for your life shows a lack of creativity in terms of what your life could be.

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            • And coming up with random shit just to diss someone's life which you know nothing of betrays pathetic misery and envy on your part.

              Housework and jobs are necessities everybody does, not "basis for life". That's like saying brushing your teeth is a basis for your life. Maybe you like keeping your home a mess and not having a source of income, but most people don't, hence the housework and job. And you don't know what my job is to call it boring. YOU'RE boring.

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