Homeless, broke

I want to help my homeless friend60 and I know he can't pay me back, I just know how stressful it is for him at 60, alone, homeless, and always broke. If I gave him 20.00, he'd buy beer,.. but I can see why, I guess it helps numb the pain in his life. / OK, I helped him get set up in a gov-paid unit, but now he calls me for more help.. socks, table, chair, food, and ect.. he gets so aggeravated at gov agencies time delays for help. I got some money stashed back, but would it be a mistake to just give him $100... *hell that's a tank of gas!* but I want to make his life easier. (I am just a good hearted person)

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67% Normal
Based on 3 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Whatintarnation

    A lot of homeless people have mental health issues to begin with so you need to be careful. I commend you for trying to help another human being though.

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  • RoseIsabella

    It's normal for a kindhearted person to want to help someone in need, but don't let this old guy mistake your kindness for weakness. It's not your fault that this dude is impatient.

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  • Grunewald

    One thing to bear in mind is that being a friend to this man is not synonymous with selflessly meeting his needs - whether at his request, or not. Friendship is not predicated on how much you 'do' for someone. It's different from simply being a benefactor. If this distinction gets confused, something probably isn't right.

    That having been said, another thing to bear in mind is that you do not 'owe' him anything. You especially don't owe him anything if he somehow makes you feel like you do, even when you don't want to.

    If you want to continue to help him and not end up in a mess, you need to do it in a way that is sustainable from your point of view - emotionally and financially - and you need to be sure what your limits are and not change them under duress. If you are to be friends with a person who drains you and doesn't give much back, you will inevitably find yourself depleted. You need to 'budget' for this by also having friends who do not leave you depleted, and enough income to finance the both of you as you need or would like to be financed.

    If the guy has decided in his mind that this is his way of life and does not sincerely want to be able to sustain himself or to make steps in that direction, then he will never stop needing this sort of help from you. As his health and life situation worsen, as they will, he will need more and more help, and none of the help will bring overall improvement if overall improvement is not what he is aiming for. If that's the case, you need to decide if you're okay with your help enabling him to continue living on the way he is living. You can't 'save' someone who doesn't want to be saved. If you want to encourage or inspire the desire to support himself in that man, prepare to be in it for the long haul and conduct yourself in a way that you can keep going for an unspecified length of time. Don't start a pattern that you can't continue unless you make it clear that it's a 'one-off' and maintain that boundary if it's challenged.

    If he tries to make you feel guilty for not giving more or asks you for more and more when it is clear you are overwhelmed, he is not a good friend to you. I would say that such a person is socially toxic. There are plenty of other homeless people who would be better friends, if one of the main reasons why you want to keep associating with this person is that you feel bad for him being homeless. A different homeless person might use your help to become less and less dependent on you, and increasingly able to have friendships that aren't lopsided. There is no end of people who are in desperate situations that they're determined to turn around, and a great number of them are in need of healthy friendships.

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  • Tommythecaty

    Good hearted people who tell you they are good hearted are buttholes.

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  • AngelLoc

    You already helped him a lot, if he doesn’t patience, that’s on him. If you help him every single time with every little thing, he’ll never learn how to become independent and will keep relying on you for everything

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  • 1WeirdGuy

    Why is he homeless? Was he kicked out of his parents house? We are living in a good economy he could have a job tomorrow. And the jobs have never paid so much in my lifetime. The starting wages are ridiculous rn in the usa.

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  • kikilizzo

    That's great that you want to help but it's not your responsibility.
    If this man buys beer for all his money then he is irresponsible and if he's miserable he should save up money for therapy instead of drinking away his money. That's how you should help, by letting him know he needs help and by telling him you have helped out but you can't do anymore because you need your money for yourself and he has a responsibility as an adult to take care of himself. He is going to keep using you if you let him, because this man isn't kind and good hearted like yourself which is clear from the fact that he keeps calling you for help with things expecting you to be available and do everything for him. If he needs a lot of help there is help available for an old man like himself if he seeks it. I dont know what kind of help is available for unemployed and elderly people in your country or where you even live but i'm sure there is something.

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