Good friend is sad as i’m not moving in with her, seeking advice

7 Comments

The UK has started locking down again and in my area visiting someone else’s home is now banned. I live with my parents (one of whom is difficult) and agreed if lockdown 2 happened I would move in with my good friend G. She said I could live with her rent-free and was very excited about the idea. However when the new rules were announced I changed my mind mostly due to financial concerns and uncertainty over how long lockdown would last and the fact that it would literally be illegal for me to go home.

G was very understanding and we agreed to go on a walk together today (which is still allowed) but she is clearly depressed. She stayed up until 2 am last night drinking a whole bottle of cava meaning she was too hung over to do anything today and admitted it was partially due to sadness at me not moving in.

I know I can’t fix someone else’s mental health issues and even though it feels like I’m choosing between a rock and a hard place I think staying with my parents was (probably) the right decision. I’ve let her know that I appreciate her very generous offer, there was just too much uncertainty.

I’m asking if you think there is anything more I could do or do I just have to let G be sad for a bit?

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Comments ( 7 )
  • Ellenna
    3 years ago

    You made the right decision for your own wellbeing and it's understandable your friend is disappointed: all you can do for her is stay in touch by phone, emails etc.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      Thank you. I will certainly be making the effort to stay in touch from a distance, I know good friends are hard to come by.

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  • Jamie_Sulky
    3 years ago

    I know you feel bad for her, but whether you stay with her is strictly your decision. I know it sucks but this is a hard pill to swallow (something i learnt from JaidenAnimations)

    You're NOT responsible for someone elses happiness.

    Its amazing if you can make someone happy, but your in no way responsible for how she deals with this. Be there for her, but don't beat yourself over it. Your both adults (or at least i'm assuming), you have your own ecosystem to take care of.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      Yes, we are both over 18.

      I think we both romanticised the idea of me moving in and running away from my problems at home but when it all became real it suddenly seemed like a much more flawed plan.

      You said it so well, it is a bitter pill to swallow that I can’t make my friend happy this time. Thanks for your reply.

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  • Meowypowers
    3 years ago

    No. You have to risk being locked down with family, not G. G is super needy if she is willing to offer you free rent and then goes off the deep end with 3 little glasses of crappy Spanish bubbly. Where in the U.K. are you guys locked down so militantly? Islamabad?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      Thank you for replying. A chunk of the southeast of England is now in “tier 2 lockdown” so no visiting our friends’ houses or going to the pub with them.

      When I told G I’d changed my mind she admitted she had (unintentionally) been putting a lot of pressure on me to move in. During the last lockdown we had more relatives living here, they were awful, I was unemployed and my many-a-day phone calls with G became my escape. Despite our differences we are very in tune with each other.

      It’s a really unfortunate situation and a big part of me wanted to move in with her but I think in the larger picture it would have caused more problems than it would have solved. Sadly.

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  • Mintystripes
    3 years ago

    It sounds like G needs a dog.

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