Getting downvoted could absolutely ruin my day

So I'm on this place on reddit where I'm actually learning quite a bit and occasionally helping out, but it seems I sometimes ask questions that annoy people. My learning style is a little different. I can understand this doesn't go well with all, but I don't know. I often have trouble deciphering how others feel about me.

At some point, I started getting downvoted simply because people instantly recognize my username and profile picture.

Maybe I'm too reactive, but it really makes me feel uneasy. Sometimes it literally ruins my day.

At the same time, I feel it's sort of coward to come up with a new account, as it'll just buy more time before it happens again or I'm noticed.

What should I do? Get off there? Change my username? Talk less? For some reason, I always feel compelled to respond to questions

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 18 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Or... just dont give a shit what people think about your opinion.

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    • I am trying but I didn't make headway yet. For as long as I remember, I've taken other people's opinion to heart more than mine.

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      • I get this, as I used to struggle with low confidence and it took me years to quit caring what others think, and especially to quit putting their opinions on a pedestal over my own when they really didn't mean shit. It's hard to get past, but is doable. What helped me was doing things that made me feel proud and accomplished to realize that I am, in fact, just as good as anyone else, and eventually I just learned to quit taking others' opinions to heart. I don't really know how else to explain it and I wish I could.

        Just remember that these are just people, and if people dislike you for no reason (especially for something as simple as asking questions, good grief), there's a problem with them and not you.

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      • I've shrugged off peoples opinions since highschool. It made bootcamp easier funnily enough.

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      • We can't answer your question. You made this an IIN question instead of a poll or discussion....

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  • Living for others approval is going to leave you unhappy

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  • People on Reddit downvote everything that isn’t about jerking off or having low self esteem or whatever. You should make another account just to see how many downvotes you can get. My record is like -150 for saying their self-diagnosed mental disorders are more likely just a side effect of internet addiction

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  • Only a true psychopath doesn't care about the opinions of others (well, actually even they care, but only in a detached way - the opinions that others express are feedback which helps guide them in their manipulative ways).

    When it comes down to it, opinions have no physical reality. Objectively, they're nothing more than a bunch of electrical signals flickering at a particular moment through a particular brain that has a particular set of paths that have been laid down through a lifetime of experiencing and learning a particular set of things.

    Still, opinions matter if they're expressed by someone we care about enough to want them to be happy or someone who can have a real impact on our life in the real world. Even when those opinions are completely at odds with reality as we comprehend it, we should pay attention to them. Sometimes, those opinions can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves and the world around us. (And sometimes that better understanding is limited to confirmation of our suspicion that the person expressing the opinion is batshit bonkers or completely lost in their delusions.)

    One of the fiendish things about social media is that it provides a simulation of real social interaction but it isn't. So much is lost when you try to communicate your thoughts and feelings by text; so much is added to what you've written by those who read it. If you choose to, you can read what I've written here and imagine I'm talking down to you in a condescending way, or you can imagine I'm your favourite uncle who's sharing his thoughts in a completely non-judgemental tone while you drink beers on the sofa in front of the fire. What you take from the opinions I express here will be coloured by that.

    We're members of a species of social animals, and we're hardwired to get a little hit of happy-hormones when someone expresses approval of us. That's another fiendishly clever aspect of social media: most people get at least a little buzz when they're liked or up-voted, and it's mildly addictive (for most people, anyway - some people become hooked on that drug).

    So I do understand how you find it challenging when people down-vote you. The real-world equivalent of that would be you talking to someone and them snorting in derision, rolling their eyes, suddenly throwing up their hands and walking away muttering or even spitting at you. But the difference is that normal, sane people have to be really provoked to do something like that in real life, while on the internet, it just involves a risk-free, casual mouse-click and a scroll down.

    You don't know - you can't know - why a particular person has down-voted you, and you'll almost certainly achieve nothing positive by fretting about it and trying to second-guess why they did it. Maybe if you return to your down-voted posts in a few months or years, your new perspective will allow you to understand why they did it, but it's very possible you'll just conclude that something about what you've written rubbed a little clique the wrong way or a few people weren't able to grasp where you were coming from, and so they felt the need to chastise you.

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    • Seconded. Also, downvoting hurts the ego, but it's nearly always about the other person, not about you. A slight to your ego isn't going to make you keel over and die. It probably means nothing to them to do it.

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  • There will always be people who down-vote you... and it may even have nothing to do with you.

    I get more up-votes than down-votes. That is what matters as it means that more people appreciate me and what I say than those who object or just randomly down-vote people.

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  • You're the same as me. I posted to these facebook groups where the rules are you have to be nice and no bullying and yet everyone was bullying me and the fact I "posted too much" well SOOORRY (not) I'm allowed to post whenever I want and also I hate it when anyone dislikes my youtube videos

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    • Ugh, sometimes I feel like Facebook groups are the worst. Lots of cattiness and cliquey behavior. Not to mention that the mods/admins seem to be control freaks who take their jobs way too seriously and go on huge power trips. Even the better ones I was in seemed to have their fair share of bossy know-it-alls (I get every community has its bad apples, but they seem rampant on Facebook for some reason).

      YouTube is another very touchy community, not to mention full of trolls. The animal community on there is the worst, as suddenly everyone is an armchair vet or trainer and everything is abuse. The one time I had a public video on there of my cat doing something cute, it got a bunch of downvotes by butthurt people who didn't like a comment I made on another video that was nothing but factual, but something they didn't want to hear, lol.

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  • I'm not a huge fan of negative criticism either but you can't let it ruin your day. I find that Reddit overall often has a pretty rough tone like many forums often do and Reddit is definietely one. I wouldn't advice someone sensitive to make posts on there but rather choose a different forum, on most you can't get downvoted and there's some with a kinder tone as well.

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  • If it's a community focused around learning and sharing knowledge then it seems a bit twatty to downvote you, unless what you have said is offensive or incorrect.

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    • I had a history of saying incorrect things. But even after months since then, I've been extremely cautious with what I say. And I still get downvoted even on correct advice.

      Luckily there are still sane people out there to point out that I was actually correct.

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  • People who get upset with others for asking questions and trying to learn are generally assholes, and also usually the worst people to learn from, as in my experience those are usually the types who get flustered because they really don't know the answer themselves, but have too much pride and are too much of know-it-alls to admit that there's something they don't know. I would find a better community. Sometimes I find that certain subs on Reddit can have a bit of a hivemind/herd mentality issue and when a couple of people downvote something, everyone else tends to follow suit.

    With that being said, I don't think it should affect you to the extent that it does. Try to remember that these are just people and none of them are any better than you, and none of their opinions of you really matter. If this group of people can't handle being asked questions, that is their own very weird problem.

    People also tend to be more of assholes on the Internet because they're not interacting with someone face to face, and some people tend to forget that there's an actual person on the other line.

    If there's a chance they're doing it just because they recognize you when all you've done is ask questions and try to learn, they sound like a very weird group of people.

    Downvotes really mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, though. Unfortunately, there will always be rude people who dislike you or something you say or do for no reason, and it's best to learn to disregard it.

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  • I absolutely hate getting downvoted, it affects my overall health and wellbeing!

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