Do i have an obligation to say something about a mans infidelity?

16 Comments

A man at work in a manager type position is married but has been seeing a woman at work for the last 8 months. Age doesn't factor but he is in his mid 40's and she is fixing to be 22. Before I knew of this, I have come to know her a little. They have recently made it public knowledge at work, making a lot of people mad. I was leaving it their business even before it came out, should I care since I'm not dating either),but the last couple days he has been hitting on me. He was about to try to kiss me and then yesterday he came by my section and blew me a kiss. Should I do anything? Am I obligated to?

No, it is none of your business. 10
Do nothing, it'll die down eventually. 0
Yes tell because it's the right thing to tell 13
No, he is doing nothing wrong. 0
Yes tell because now your involved. 9
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 16 )
  • CozmoWank
    5 years ago

    Threaten to tell his wife if you don't get a pay raise, longer lunch and more paid vacation.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Himars11
    5 years ago

    Do you know if this isn’t an open relationship first of all? And if it isn’t then tell her. I would want to know if I was being cheated on (even if she was doing a shit job at hiding it), especially if he’s trying to start something with you. It is also possible that the other woman isn’t aware he’s married. At least from what you’re describing and I know it would really suck if I was “the other guy” and didn’t know it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      The other woman knows for sure. I've had a talk once on why and where she thinks this is going. I've seen them out at Walmart. He tried to hide. Described to the other woman the domestic situation I saw. She is ok with it. To they have now taken up to a Sunday here and there at a motel. So I am not sure if the wife knows or not. I have very limited ability to interact with her. He makes it that way. I'd have to be blatent to tell her of what's going on. Due to the fact she doesn't know me, I'm wondering if she'd believe me. Would get her watching though if not already.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    I'm with RoseIsabella on this one: what the slimebag gets up to with other women is really between him, his wife and his girlfriend(s).

    If he has started to harass you, then you should be keeping detailed records of exactly what he did and exactly when he did it, and how you responded. Ideally, you should have video or at least audio recordings, since it's unfortunately not unknown for HR departments to close ranks with managers when accusations are made. If you have physical evidence, they realise that lawyers acting on your behalf might get involved at some point, and they take that very seriously.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    The business with the other younger woman is probably something you had better keep your nose clean about. However, if he starts to make passes at you then you can report him to Human Resources for sexual harassment. Only do something if he's sexually harassing you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    If I were being cheated on, I'd want to be told.

    This chickenshit attitude about avoiding "getting involved," is so puerile. Who the fuck cares if people think you're a "narc?" Put yourselves in the shoes of the person being betrayed and honestly ask yourself, "Would I want to be told?" There you have your answer. It's called empathy, and it's sorely lacking in this world, in good part thanks to passive attitudes like I see in here.

    All that evil requires to prevail is for good people to look the other way.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      In part I agree with you. The thing is, I believe she has a right to know, however there is proof all over if you wanted to know. You don't even have to dig deep to suspect and then uncover any lies.

      I do put myself in others shoes constantly. And you know, just like on cheaters, you can tell someone of infidelity and they don't want to believe it, so they create in their mind that you are making it up for some selfish ulterior motive. And I don't even know this woman, have never talked to her. How much validity is my meddling going to hold.

      Would I want someone to tell me? They wouldn't have to. I'd know and do some digging. I don't feel that anyone should owe me information on my relationship. I don't want them involved in any other area of my relationship.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        5 years ago

        Perhaps you're more observant and intuitive than average. It should go without saying, we're not all wired the same.

        I do understand what you mean though. The ability of the human psyche to ignore or deny the truth right before us is often astounding.

        That doesn't mean we should be apathetic to doing the right thing.

        It's great that you consistently try to put yourself in the shoes of others. :) Do you encourage others to do the same?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          Of course. I set the example. People tell me all the time they assume me to pretty much be a lady, so they don't talk or do anything unbecoming. Hense the normal question. The thing is I respect others way of living even in contrast to mine. That's why I would go to many denominations of churches to show my support to friends. I don't ask them to conform unless they ask or need

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
  • Anonymous Post Author
    5 years ago

    This has been going on since I've been there, which is going on 6 months. I found out about a month in so 5 months. Never said anything to them or anyone else. I held the view that it isn't my man/woman so none of my business and tried not to judge-at least judge and impact anything. So I haven't been just seeking to do damage. It's just that him hitting on me and calling to me anytime I pass kind of impacts me now. I try to act nonchalant but it's not working. I don't want to make any rash decisions being that it is my work and I have to deal with the consequences. If it hadn't have impacted my atmosphere I wouldn't even be contemplating a course of action. If I don't tell her, what is my options?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • barstool
    5 years ago

    You're not obligated to do anything except whatever is in YOUR interests.

    What he does with other people isn't really your business. So unless you can use it to your advantage, there's no reason to tell anyone.

    If he harasses you, that's a separate issue. Unless you think you can use his infidelity to leverage the harassment issue somehow, then treat the harassment on it's own and deal with it in the smartest way possible.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • TerriAngel
    5 years ago

    Mind your own.
    Knowbody likes a narc.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • IrishPotato
    5 years ago

    Tell his wife. She deserves to know.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • leggs91200
    5 years ago

    So he is already flirting with you?

    Here is the thing - even if you don't say anything, he will get caught soon enough. You think his wife and upper management isn't already aware?

    If you are wondering why nothing has been done yet -
    Companies like to pretend they are paying no attention at first. They like to give a person enough rope to hang themselves. But then soon enough, his ass will be history.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Zeikfried
    5 years ago

    I absolutely hate males who do this. Like is it normal for a dude to just think with his penis and have it on whenever around a girl? Tell him to back off he's overestimating himself.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Himars11
      5 years ago

      Woman do it too. There is another woman in this situation that could be aware of the adultery. Not gender exclusive.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0