Can being good looking prevent a guy from being friendzoned?

I’m 26 and a virgin. I’ve been overweight most my life and think the reason why I’m rejected is due to my looks. No one has told me that I have a bad personality so my looks kind of narrows it down.

Is It Normal?
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  • Friendzone doesn't exist. This was just up in another topic, people who are friends start dating all the time. But being salty that a friend isn't dating you will prevent that 100% of the time.

    I guess being really hot makes it easier to get people to hook up with you, I've been with people better and worse looking than me, most of the time people don't pay that much attention to what you look like

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    • True. I am more likely to date a guy i've been friends with for a while personally.
      And if someone is really bitter about being someones friend there's always the choice to not agree to be friends, therefore no friendzone.

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      • I have a really close girl friend, we've had sex, she's dating somebody so currently we're not having sex. So I'm in the friendzone? Or just value the friendship.

        Friendzone is made up. It means "This person I'm infatuated with doesn't want to date me yet but if I keep hanging around and being nice they'll give me a chance" but you're not a real friend in the first place, you're just using it as an excuse to hang around somebody in the hopes that they're going to give you something. If you thought you were giving it a shot dating a friend and found out this person has been obsessing over you for years that kind of changes the situation

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        • No. Friend zone is a situation in which you like somebody but the other person doesn’t like you back. Unrequited love is the better term. Or lack of chemistry.

          I never stick around someone who sees me as a friend because that’s never going to change. There’s nothing to be bitter about since they have a type in guys that I don’t have. That’s ok.

          My assumption is that girls are attracted to guys the way that guys are. When I find someone pretty or cute, I think “she’s someone I really like”. Same with girls when they see a guy they find cute.

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          • Nobody "likes" anyone outside of school. If you stuck around friends you might have a better time at life bud, I mean that as advice. Dont catch feelings for people like some shadowy figure hididng in a cave that other adults cant see thru.

            Pretending to be somebodys friend is a lame way to deal with unrequited love or whatever.

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          • I see what you're saying, but if someone doesn't want my friendship then I don't need their love!

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  • You can still be friendzoned if you're good looking. Perhaps you'd get friendzoned less but it will still happen.

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  • Losing weight will increase your chances because it helps you look like you're taking care of yourself, but it's not a total guarantee that you'll never get friendzoned. Personality can determine if the relationship will work in the long run. I don't know what you're like in person, but I'm just gonna put it out there that just because nobody says you have a "bad personality", doesn't mean you can completely rule out the possibility of having aspects of your personality that aren't attractive to women.

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  • Reading this tells me that you know nothing about women. Good looks has nothing to do with the "friendzone" if looking for a mate and theres already interest for to be filling that roll then yes looks help but very small amount. The end of the day it depends how close you are, and just how much she likes you. Its a fine balance between potential mate and "gay besty".

    Basically I suggest learning about women. You'll be happier that way

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    • Women are humans and they get attracted the way guys do. Looks are a determinant to how much another person likes you and I see it on college campuses. I’ve never seen a below-average looking guy in a fraternity with a girlfriend.

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      • College campus romance doesnt mean shit to the real world. Oh boy kid you got some growing to do. Haha you clearly dont know much in this field

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        • Lots of people from college marry after they finish. I’m from the South so it’s probably a different culture than where you live.

          Also, I find that Christian girls care more about looks because they don’t see a faithful guy being disloyal, mo matter how attractive he is. It’s in the Bible, “thou shall not commit adultery”.

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      • Eww. Yeah, when I was in college I never even considered pledging a sorority, and pretty much saw the majority of fraternity boys as douchebags. The whole Greek life thing just struck me as really conformist. I worked as a disc jockey at the campus alternative radio station before I started working at a local commercial radio station, and I pretty much did whatever the Hell I pleased, and if people acted snobby toward me I told them to kiss my ass!

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  • And what is so bad about keeping these women in your life as friends? Are they just walking genitalia to you?

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  • I personally like a fatty. But you can’t be lazy and fat. No one wants a chubby, sweaty gamer.

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    • You know, it is funny cause a lazy man is a woman's number one turn-off. A woman will lose her temper at the very thought of being with a lazy man.

      Kind of like how a man's number one turn-off is being with a woman he is embarrassed to be seen with.

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      • I can't stand a lazy man! Lazy men also tend to be quite entitled. I was married to someone very briefly who didn't want to do anything other than drink beer, and play video games. I left his sorry ass after three months, it was one of the best life decisions I ever made!

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    • From my experience, Christian women tend to focus more on looks because they know that a true Christian guy will not cheat, no matter how attractive they are. So there’s no risk to dating someone attractive.

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      • I said “you can’t be lazy and fat”. You neglected my comment and responded about Jesus. What a fucking bore.

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      • I only cheated because god told me I can.

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        • Ohhh Tommy.
          No fault, none to blame, it doesn't mean I don't desire...to point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over

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          • Psychopathy, Misleading me over and over and over

            Don't you dare point that at me

            Don't you dare point that at me

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            • I'm sorry. Birds gonna fix it all soon. Birds comin' 'round to put it back the way it oughta beeeee.

              Learn to swim learn to swim learn to swim learn to swim...

              Cause I'm praying for rain
              And I'm praying for tidal waves
              I wanna see the ground give way
              I wanna watch it all go down
              Bird please flush it all away
              I wanna see it go right in and down......

              I wanna watch it go right in
              Watch you flush it all awayyyyyy

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      • Yeah, keep telling yourself that, guy.

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        • I tell that to other people because it’s true. I can tell you’re not Christian because you don’t speak for the type of women I’m interested in.

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          • Nope, I'm very much a Christian. Christians aren't perfect, and they certainly aren't sinless either. If someone tells you they are sinless they're lying. Nobody's perfect.

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  • I hate the term friendzone. There have been plenty of instances where people are friends or become friends and one may be immediately physically attracted to the other, but not vice versa, but after really getting to know someone and loving their personality and all that jazz, the looks become more desirable, like damn, I didn't realize he/she was so cute! Do not despair, my chubby friend.

    Also, plenty of good looking dudes are shot down because they are total douchebags. Like fuck you and your chiseled features, you schmuck! How 'bout some humility and couth.

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    • True, and I'm of the belief that my friendship is not a consolation prize.

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    • I’m actually shy and lack approach skills. I don’t fall into the “douche” category at all.

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      • I didn't imply that you did. You definitely don't seem the douchey type, from your few sentences. Shy guys are super adorable to an extent. Chances are that you will find someone worthy. I'm sure its stressful and annoying and it may seem like theres no hope, but just hang in there.

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  • I disagree with what all these women are saying about the friend zone. When you get stuck in it you are unlikely to ever get out. That said, being friend zoned is not all about looks. Certain impressions can put attractive men in friend zones as well.

    There are good videos on friend zone avoidance from relationship coaches on YouTube. He's one to start.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ciFoRV5NzWQ

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    • I'm a guy and my life experience tells me the whole friendzone thing isn't accurate. Like this idea that if you don't immediately make the right move at exactly the right time it's over and a woman is now going to see you as a friend forever. Human relationships are a lot more complicated than that.

      If you're permanently a girls friend and she has no interest in dating you, she just isn't interested in dating you. People have friends they might consider dating in different circumstances, my exs friend started going out with a guy in her 30s that she was friends with from high school. They said in retrospect probably the only reason they never dated before was they were never both single at the same time. I've had sex with female friends of mine. If friendzone existed this wouldn't be possible.

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      • Of course, friendship exists on a spectrum. But, we have a problem with definition here. So, I checked urbandictionary.com, the language authority for people under 35. This is what it said,

        "When a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.
        Friend1: Are you still with that girl?
        You: We're just friends.
        Friend2: A moment of silence for our brother in the friend zone."

        As you can see, your relationship with women, which was friendly is higher up on the spectrum than what fits this definition. Therefore, you were never friend zoned. Probably, there have been women that have put you in the friend zone, but you were too disinterested in them to notice.

        By the way, congratulations on sexual enjoyment with your female friends. It's nice to see vibrant healthy sexual dynamics working for people like you.

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        • I mean if youre applying urban dictionary stuff to real life that might be the cause of the problem.

          If you're all thirsty and make people uncomfortable they ghost you no matter who it is. Im talking the opposite of vibrant healthy stuff. If you start thinking of people in your life as a spectrum youre doing something wrong. Just talk to people. Things happen.

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          • Spontenaiety works. So does charm and wit. I'm not the OP. I hope he reads your comment.

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            • I hope so. I mean it as basic life advice based off my own experience not like bragging that I banged a couple of my friends over the years. Im not a player or anything, I'm way too skinny usually drunk and my teeth are shit.

              I get what you're saying too, the problem with this whole incelly friendzone mindset is it breaks human interaction down to like video game levels of "Do X to get Y result" If a girl isn't into you it means you failed to woo her because you didnt say or do the right things in the appropriate time frame. Some people just aren't going to be into you, no matter what. Sometimes feelings develop over time. All that pickup artist stuff is transparent bullshit. There's no special magic series of words and actions that guarantees winning somebody over, and saying your friendzoned implies that the whole reason youre friends with somebody in the first place is because you want it to develop into a relationship. It's possible for friends to become more than that, but secretly pining for somebody and pretending to be their friend as an excuse to be around them isn't going to work, and is also kind of creepy and rude if you put yourself in the other person's shoes.

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  • I have a question. Are you attracted to women your age who are as overweight as you are?

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    • Not really. And I can’t blame anyone. Either I can lose weight or stay single. I just don’t like being deceived by people who think “confidence is everything”. Because it’s not. It comes across as arrogant most of the time.

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      • I can't disagree with that. I'm just glad I don't live in Las Vegas anymore, because sometimes creepy losers will want to show me magic trick in an effort to try to impress. I honestly hate magic, and I especially hate card tricks.

        Well, at least you know what you have to work on, and now you just have to do it. I know it's easier said than done. I honestly think over confident people are really boorish.

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  • How not to be friendzoned is by being straight up and being able to handle a no from a potential partner. If she says yes you are golden, if it's a no then dont keep barking up that tree until the end of time, there are always more trees in a forest.

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    • I feel like the problem with friendzone dudes is they don't get a no, they actually hide any interest in the person they're obsessing over because they don't want to risk the rejection so they use friendship as an excuse to hang around her hoping a relationship will just happen on its own, then get mad every time she meets somebody because it should've been them.

      How many friendzone guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

      Doesn't matter because they all just sit around complimenting it hoping it'll screw eventually.

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      • Good joke.

        I was stuck in the friendzone trap during highschool. Ditched the girl as a lost cause soon after, she started to smoke meth, bullet dodged. Now I got an girlfriend going for a long term relationship.

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        • If you still have any contact with the meth chick hook me up.

          Yeah it happens more when you're a kid and kind of "pick" somebody just to have a crush on them. The way I look at it is "friendzone" only exists when you're using friendship to try to create a relationship. Would hook up friends who wouldn't ever date seriously also be friendzone?

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          • I wouldn't consider a friend with benefits as a friendzone since I'm getting what I wanted out of the "relationship" I do friends with benefits to female friends who are not in the looks nor personality department.

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            • Yeah idk, the whole concept doesn't make sense. Some people marry the person that lived next door to them growing up. Some people see opposite sex friends they grew up with as siblings. Some people kill their neighbors.

              The whole "game" trope where romantic success is based off saying the right things in the right timeframe doesn't exist in reality. It's oversimplifying human interaction which is complicated.

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  • When things open back up, start hitting the clubs and flirting.
    Do not waste time on dating sites.
    You do not have to lose weight first, just dress and present yourself best you can. Maybe you want to lose weight first but you know that is not going to happen. How overweight are we talking? A man has to be in pretty bad shape for it to truly impede his chances in the dating scene.

    Basically you need to get out there and go to work. Also, carry condoms.

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  • Looks won't help you escape the friendzone. Looks have very little to do with sexual attraction, which is mainly about how someone holds themselves, their confidence, their sense of self, values.

    Go to any busy store and open your eyes. Most women are with ugly or mediocre looking men or women.

    99% of the worlds inhabitants are fairly repulsive to some degree or another.

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    • Women who date ugly guys have low self esteem because they don’t find themselves worthy of an attractive guy.

      It’s the same for guys. Both genders are visually oriented. Studies have shown that it takes women 30 seconds to figure out if they like someone they just met. In 30 seconds, you can only find out how they look.

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      • I can see why you are still a virgin. Everything you think is true is 180 degrees from reality. Many other responses here agree with my assessment to varying degrees. You can chose to ignore us, but nothing will change for you if you do.

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        • Did the truth offend you?

          What I’m saying IS reality. What I know is you’re probably a liberal Democrat who desires “artistic communication” over qualities that women find attractive: height, slender tone and a muscular build.

          I’m a virgin because I failed to lose enough weight in college to find someone. When you say “keep telling yourself that”, you’re obviously denying the basics of attraction.

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          • Why would I be offended other than your ill conceived notion that I am liberal.

            You are the one who can't get laid, asks for advice, then summarily ignores all advice, preferring to stick with your delusions of how the world works.

            Good luck with that. I see a bright future for you as an incel.

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            • I have autism so all I’m asking is how I can use good looks to bypass the standard requirement of social skills and confidence to date. You don’t know what autism is like.

              And I’m sorry I made broad assumptions of certain women having low self esteem. I meant to say that some of those women are pretty to you but not to me because they might have tattoos or nose piercings. Different strokes.

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  • I doubt it, dude, generally. Sure there are going to be some women like that, but honestly women are a lot less shallow than dudes normally. I've known some right fat, ugly bastards pull hot girls. Personality and some degree of societal standing seem to be the keen thing to attract a woman.

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    • Where did you get that information about women somehow not caring about looks as much? Generally speaking, hot girls who date ugly guys have low self esteem because they don’t see themselves as worthy of being with an attractive guy.

      Also, many of these girls are left-wing Democrats who date guys of a certain race due to being “woke”. They view white guys as racist and ignore them. I’m investigating one now.

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      • Girls really don't care that much about looks, dude. I agree with the pushed interracial aspect from the "woke" perspective, https://reader.elsevier.com/reader/sd/pii/S0191886998000543?token=74992EA2A1656737AB1700742FC5E0A812D2D414F7630B8DD086F92FBF67C77B1F4A3781AEAD4FD91699C60F53BD1212

        https://academic.oup.com/qje/article-abstract/121/2/673/1884033?redirectedFrom=fulltext

        If you can't access them let me know. I can download the first study though my uni; not so sure about the second , but I can give it a go.

        Those girls, who date uggos, don't have low self esteem; there are just most important factors at play. The ones who are doing poorly are generally the girls who settle for weak, male feminist types, or the low confidence types, or those who just have terrible social skills and no standing in the world in terms like things such as security and proven intelligence. You can also see that women don't overly care about physical attractiveness from where the SMV values for men fall.

        The peak, male SMV value roughly correlates with when they should be established enough to support a family, but not so old as to not be able to protect it.

        Women are far more practical in choosing a mate than men tend to be. The only really big practical issue I can think of where men get it right is that we prefer younger, and thus more fertile women.

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  • If you're obese, lose weight for you not for someone else. Once you feel better about your looks and about yourself, things get better.

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  • Honestly yes. People only care about how attractive someone is when hooking up with them. And they use how attractive they are as the first condition when starting a relationship with someone. Other requirements like having a nice personality only come into play if that person passes the initial attractiveness test. It's sad but it's true.

    Nice aftershaves, a good haircut and sharp clothes go a long way in your looks though. Plus being attractive isn't all about looks anyway. Confidence is probably as important, not that that's an easy thing to acquire, but it is possible.

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    • I wasnt remotely attracted to my ex when we started dating. I dug his personality though.

      My current guy attractive yes but if was his personal interests in life that made me give him a chance

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  • Ha, absolutely, it's why I'm never friend zoned.

    Well, except that one time. But that was high school. I got to see her walk around with the fucksock nerd she chose over me & who treated her like crap. Fucking little high-pitched-voice-having neckbeard assface.

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  • It depends.
    I would reject an attractive guy if we were incompatible or I felt no spark. You don't automatically connect with someone just because they're attractive.
    It definietely raises your chance of getting a womans interest though but you'll still need a decent personality too.

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  • Some girls are shallow and only go for super good looking guys but most aren’t. But if you’re worried, you could always lose some weight and just make sure to take care of your appearance a bit more.

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