Can a relationship between a 19 year old f and a 30 year old m work?

About a month ago, I started working for a new company on a temp project auditing that could end up being a more long-term opportunity. I am a 29 year old man, 30 in February.

The first day in full and half of the next day, I was trained by a young woman in sales support who is 18 years old. She will be 19 years old in December. I really would not have considered her as a potential partner due to her age, but we just really hit it off and the way she handles herself is like she's 22. Pretty much everyone who meets her is amazed that she's only 18.

It's just like everything is lining up and I guess I'm really only concerned about the age. I'm not a typical 29 year old - only have had a couple of short-term GF because I just never felt like I found the right one. I've a 2 year degree and my generals out of the way if I want to go back to school and she is in school pursuing a business degree that will eventually be at university. She lives with her family and is Hispanic and family-oriented. I'm white. After years on my own in Illinois, I just moved to Houston to live with relatives for a change until I'm settled with a job and such and my relatives are family-oriented and I go to church with them.

I think we're on a pretty similar level looks-wise considering people with similar levels of attractiveness end up together. She likes me and knows I like her. I can't keep my eyes off of her. She is sexy to me, but also pretty, so very capable, and just really impressive.

In the 1960s and earlier, these types of age differences could work in a relationship pretty easily. I'm not sure if, in this day and age, it can? Do I just go with what feels right and, maybe worst-case, we just end up in a 1-3 year relationship in which we both gain relationship experience and possibly both finish our education? My goal has been for the next woman to be "the one"; could a 18-19 year old female possibly be in the same mindset and know who she wants? I would at least venture to say that a Hispanic woman would be more apt than a white woman.

She just makes it so easy and it's like we both know we are working on things and she has a good, understanding heart. I feel like we could progress to "having it all", but I'm also not completely sure how to handle it. I don't want to wound her nor do I want to hold her back from her education and I don't want to see her get too giddy or attached either and have it interfere with my job or hers.

I'm kind of reserved and quiet and she is more outgoing and I believe she knows I need to be around her and see her more. Unfortunately, where we sit there are monitors blocking our view of each other so it's been hard to get completely comfortable. She has asked to sit at a different cubicle in which I will now have a clear view of her and I do think it will help me get more comfortable with her.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 25 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Even if she’s mature for her age I highly doubt this would be a good idea. Look through some old photos of yourself at 18, if you kept a journal read some of that. That’s her now. This girl’s been an adult for 5 minutes.

    Added to that dating a co-worker is a bad idea, have you heard of the phrase “don’t shit where you eat?”

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    • I don't agree with saying don't date a co-worker. Yes, dating a co-worker can get messy after a breakup. I know many people that are now married that met while working together.

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  • If you're having doubts, you probably shouldn't bother.

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  • No

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  • I suspect it's gonna be one of those short term relationships where eventually you two just kinda drift apart with different goals in life. But do enjoy it while it lasts.

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  • Of course this could work, dude. This has been the standard for like 99% of human existence.

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  • It's completely normal, it's sad people are like this, I'm 50 and have a girlfriend who is 19. Whenever I take her out to dinner, I get stares and whispers from people. Completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

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  • It can work but the problem is that you're at two very different points in your lives...

    The 19 year old will probably be looking to further their education and study at university while the 30 year old will most likely already have a secure job and will be looking to settle down.

    Like every relationship, it takes work, and long distance issues may come into play because of the sheer difference in lifestyles between the two of you.

    But I wouldn't put you off of trying. You might find that they are the love of your life.

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  • I honestly doubt it would work. Like SkullsNRoses said, she is at a completely different stage in life than you and has very little life experience due to barely being an adult, despite her level of maturity. What she is going through is completely different than you are, as well as life plans, goals, etc. (which will likely change in a teenager).

    Not to mention that IME, people often grow and change significantly in the years following the late teens. I know that at 25, I am nowhere near the same person I was at 18 or 19. None of my dreams, goals, or future plans are the same and have all drastically changed in ways I would've never imagined, and my personality and outlook on life are much different. As a result, I've grown apart from a lot of the people I was close to then and don't relate to them nearly as well as I used to. I think these big changes that occur after the teen years can create a lot of difficulty in a long term relationship as well (and is probably one of the reasons why high school sweethearts are increasingly rare).

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  • I don't think it would work.

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  • I dont see a problem with it. Go for it. Its no ones business except for her family honestly. And it may not even get far enough where u have to meet them

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  • I doubt it but go ahead if you think so. Nothing's stopping you as a legal adult.

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  • Because there's an 11 year gap, it can be a problem as people can see it the wrong way.

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    • Yes, I am certainly mindful of that. I feel bad at times about it, but then I get pulled back in on one of her better days when I get a glimpse of the woman she is becoming whether it be how she handles one of the business phone calls or how she carries herself. That's why I haven't tried to advance it too much and trying to give us both time to figure out if it's a door we should open.

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  • It works well for both. I had a 19 yo when I was 47 and it was great for both of us. Certainly I couldn’t give her all she wanted (intensive partying then and marriage, kids later) so we both were aware that that wouldn’t last many years. Keep in mind that relationships don’t need a ‘forever together’ promise to make it enjoyable.

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    • That's kind of still unusually large gap. Was it sugar-daddy-baby relationship or what brought and kept you together for the time?

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  • While it's not normal there are things that can contribute to allow or such a dynamic relationship to work. I am in a marriage where their was (is) a twenty-seven year difference. Yes that right 27. when I met my husband I was 27 (never married) and he 54 (divorced 9 years). We met on line in one of those foreign dating apps, I indicated the first contact, as his profile stated a specific age range that I clearly was not in.

    When I first contacted him he tried his best to discourage me stating the obvious, about the age difference, heck he said he was old enough to be my father ( which was true). He asked if I read his profile, (I think he asked in a more direct way like could I read) And I said yes, that I could read, and asked what the age thing? He maintained that the age difference was to great and could be a problem. I assured him that it would only be a problem if we allowed it to be come one.

    I am now 41 and he is 67 we have two wonderful children a boy and girl. Very active in our community and church. He recently retired and I am a in Education. Married for 12 years now.

    Age didn't or hasn't become because we chose not to allow it to be come a problem. I also think that because I am Asian where the cultural is different a woman looks on age as a benefit ( a person who is more mature, stable both financially and emotionally etc.

    I do however believe that age could be a hindrance, as while we were courting, he talked of girls 18-19 yrs old contacting him through the dating service its one of the reasons he showed an age preference. I think that while I was just 27 I was not naive. I was educated (BS in education, and a masters in elementary education)

    And although a different and unusually life style awaited me at age 27 I believe that I had experienced some of life's ups and downs, had wisdom/judgment enough to understand what I was entering into.

    I have more in my life than I could ever have imagined had I not taken the risk.

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  • Why not, age is just a number.. Especially if your emotional maturity matches hers

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  • You're both of age so go for it but I guarantee it won't last. Just don't make it awkward, have it end amicably. You're both in different phases of life and people change. If it works out, its a one in a bazillion situation..

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  • 25 and 36 no problem, 19 and 30 could be a problem but if she is really mature it could work

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  • It can work; but it is somewhat rare.

    What you really need to focus on is get into a bunch of relationship type books with her (you both need to read them) and make sure that you both know how to show love, caring, and understanding with each other. Have similar dreams and can work together. You likely have to be above average in your communication skills (both of you).

    May I suggest that you both read:

    "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

    "How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age" by Dale Carnegie & Associates.

    "Positive Personality Profiles" by Robert A Rohm

    "The Compound Effect" by Darren Hardy

    Those that can work together, dream together, and communicate effectively can make a life together.

    I wish you well with this,

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