Boys, men, women would you leave someone if ?

Mostly men this is aimed at. I went on 9 amazing dates with the most amazing man. He never once tried anything on, he would make an excuse to hold my hand or touch me with a finger gently on the leg or back. The thing is I never did anything back. It got to the 8th date where he put his arm around me and pulled me in, and I didn’t even cuddle him... why? Cause I’m fucking stupid.
Social anxiety, being shy and awkward and the fact this is all new to me fucked it up, or so I felt. I was just getting comfortable to do that stuff... but my anxiety fucked me over. I would nudge him and if he put his arm around me in public I would lean into him.

I phoned him two days after our last date to explain why I hadn’t show affection as it was eating me inside out. And he said he was ready for a relationship. It wasn’t me and I’d done nothing wrong, and I’m a great girl and if the timing was different he would snatch me up. Then he said affection comes with time. I tried to explain myself but he didn’t say no to not seeing me again but ‘it looks like it’ll have to be it’ he went and I messaged him a long message about all our memories.
He replied saying he felt valued as a person and that I would find someone.
I replied and he replied again saying ‘listen, I’ve been blessed to have experienced all that stuff with you, but there comes a time where more has to happen, and that’s what was missing for me’
I don’t know whether he’s pushing me away cause he’s had a bad experience with an ex or what. But I miss him and I feel like it was my fault. I messaged him last saying I had feelings for him and that I wanted to do that stuff with him. He was amazing on the last date and even before I called him...

So what should I do?
Is it my fault?
Would you leave someone or would you talk to them about it first ?

Is It Normal?
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 21 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • You can contact him, if no response, move on. If he answers, then explain your feelings about him to him. If he don't get it, then move on. Don't stay in a dead end relationship.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I would just leave it alone. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, he just wasn’t feeling it and he doesn’t really have to have any exact reasons why other than he didn’t feel a connection after a certain point. I’d just move on.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    • -
    • He did though! He just said he wasn’t ready

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I would leave someone who refuses to communicate direct to the point or refuses to be available for any reason. I think you should stick with him and if he refuses to open up, then leave. Relationships are two ways. Unfortunately, the reality is move on in this scenario. It sucks but reality works that way and life happens.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    • -
    • We were having such a good time. Watching films etc

      Comment Hidden ( show )
    • Should I contact him?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      • -
      • Maybe one more time and if you don't get a positive response, sadly you'll just have to move on.

        Don't let this experience put you off relating to someone else: maybe it was just a practice run for the real thing?

        Good luck!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
  • If you've already told him about your anxiety issues and you've had 9 dates the sad news is I don't believe his attitude will change and he will decide to pursue a relationship.

    I wouldn't worry and blame yourself. He seems well practiced in dumping women.

    Not the news you probably wanted to hear but I wish you well. You sound like a genuinely nice person.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    • -
    • I told him I was shy. I just want to tell him how I feel or talk to him

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Sometimes when I poop I can see bits of corn in it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • This is on him and not you. You should try to find someone who will love you for you no matter how it is in the beginning because of your anxiety. I have a girlfriend who we barely even said anything to each other on our first date because we both are anxious as hell. She is honestly more confident then me relationship wise and she excepts when I don't want to do things. We've only been dating a few months (3-4) but I just think if it wasn't for her being understanding we wouldn't even be at this point and I wouldn't have seen her after the first date. To say that it is your fault is ridiculous. You did your part by explaining what happened and he needed to do his in trying to understand. He just wasn't good for you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I can say first-hand that I have a girlfriend with gender dismorphic disorder, and physical contact used to be really hard for me. There's moments where it still is for her.

    Anyway, I'm saying it's worth waiting and dealing with. You're somewhat the same, you don't like being touched and all.

    He doesn't seem to disagree, and that's fine. What was different for us is that we've been together for a year or so before we met irl, so the love is already there and I was willing to go through anything regardless. Since you two have been just dating, maybe he doesn't want to deal with the package. That's okay too, I'm not condemning him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Leave the poor guy alone, you need to sort yourself out or you will become a mad ‘cat’ lady and have no man in your life, you have frightened him off, so leave him, move on and learn from this experience, he sounds like a good guy, you will find someone else in time, but I really think you need to work through your anxiety issues, learn to love yourself and never settle for something or someone who does not live up to your standards,
    One more thing, never go with a guy just to keep him, never get in a situation that scares you, and on the first date, talk about what you would be looking for in a relationship, how fast or slow you want it to grow,

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • You don’t go from saying it’s good and being okay to saying I’m not ready... if the time was different I’d make you my girlfriend. It’s like he’s pushing me away cause he’s scared.
    I get the commitment thing but I never once mentioned a relationship.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • It’s just weird how he was fine and normal until I phoned him. And what he said didn’t make sense so I wanted some help in making sense of it.

    Would a man just leave if he was getting affection? Not as in sex he said he wasn’t just after that because if he was he wouldn’t have travelled. Yes I should be able to let it go and I am honestly trying. But he means a lot to me as a person. How can I just let someone walk out of my life ?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • He said he isn’t ready for a relationship.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Offer up your anus. And don't eat corn or peanuts.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • This is the third post about the exact same thing.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
Add A Comment