Boyfriend hiding debt - wants to move in together

I 25f and my boyfriend 28m are planning to move in together in the next two months. We’ve been dating about a year. The problem is he makes almost double what I make, and seems to be financially struggling. He hides his finances while I’m very open about mine.

What I know is that he owes one of our close friends a substantial amount of money, he has loan debts, some that may be in collections. I found out about the loans / debts while on his I-pad snooping. (He does not currently know I know any of this)

Last night he randomly admitted he has bad credit due to his divorce. He said he wanted to tell me since it might affect the deposit and leasing terms.

My question is, how do I bring up these hard conversations with him? I’m going to tell him I was snooping and tell him what I saw. Is it even my business to be wondering these things?

TL;DR: Boyfriend hiding finances, how do I start a conversation about it before moving in together.

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Comments ( 10 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • just straight up ask him if you cant do that then your not ready for this relationship

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    • We gonna act like a girlfriend going through your private financial records is normal? She had to really go deep into the snoping to find out all that she did. Makes you question her motives if she knows he makes double why does she feel the need to do that? Shady af.

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      • Snooping gets a bad reputation. I would want to do a background check on ANYONE I plan on living with. Better safe than sorry.

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      • I really just skimmed through his email and saw a bunch of ones he applied for, ones that got denied, and ones saying he hasn’t made payment. I don’t even know what his bank account looks like or how much debt he has.

        He also voluntarily told me how much he makes, so I started wondering why he was always saying he was out of money when I knew what he made. I asked questions but knew he was lying. That’s why I snooped.

        I don’t want to move in with him if he won’t be able to pay his half of the rent, and then I’ll have to worry about being able to pay for all of it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable of me to want to be sure I’m not making a huge mistake that could set me back.

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  • Forget about him.

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    • Makes me think of what Dave Ramsey says: your partner's debt isn't your debt unless you're married. There are so many sad stories of a loving boyfriend or girlfriend helping to pay their partner's debts and they get dumped almost immediately after

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      • I don't think I need to get married again. It's too risky, and I can't afford the legal fees. I'm NOT a ride, or die chick. I know where my ASICS are, I'll lace em up, and run if I have to do so.

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  • I do not think it's a good idea to move with someone who is so secretive about his finance and who obviously has very bad finance. I would be scared to commit with someone like this. When things go wrong you'll have no other choice than to support him and he has not even talked about this to you.

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  • Bad signs. I would break up tbh. If you were to ever get married those would be your debts too. Never commit to someone who cant handle their finances.

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  • He's gonna be upset you were snooping. Its really sneaky that you went through his finances like that. I wouldnt trust a girl like that.

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