Am i hostile?

20 Comments

Am I being hostile and cruel because I am ignoring an ex of my dead best friend? I was his closest friend and he had a rather complicated life. I left him to it for the most part and didn't judge him. But he had a history of choosing the craziest women to date. Pick a mental illness, he dated someone with it. After he passed I was contacted by this woman who was emotionally destroyed over the event and claiming to be the love of his life. She was a love, but not the love. Anyway, she asked me for his parent's contact info and his things. She wanted anything he once touched to pretty much build a shrine to him. I kept asking myself, if you were so important, how come you didn't already have access to these things? If you once had a life with him, why are you reaching out to a stranger for personal details? I was cordial and tried to be nice being fully aware of all the crazy stories he told me about her. Most importantly, he warned me that she was emotionally manipulative and came back into his life after a 20 year pause in communication. She is toxic but he was too nice to tell her to fuck off. I strongly believe she was taking advantage of a dying man. But I am not cruel, I can't tell her the truth of how he really felt. She wouldn't believe me if I did. But the fact that I am ignoring her makes her think I am being cruel to her. I did intentionally delay communications on the funeral so she couldn't make a scene. I couldn't do that to the family. She views this as a hostile act. She is really friendly to me in emails but she doesn't know I found her social media. I do feel bad for her, his death was hard on everyone who loved him. I know she is planning to reach out again and I am wondering if I should reply.

no 3
well.... 2
yes 1
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Comments ( 20 )
  • imnotnormal555
    11 months ago

    I would communicate to her exactly how you're communicating to us. I guess I'm too honest though and it gets me into trouble. Just tell her that she should have the parents contact info and access to his things if she was that special...she's obviously not as special as she thought and so that should make it easier on her to let him go and be at peace. but maybe you can just keep avoiding her and avoid the headache...but another possibility is that she and the other ex girlfriends aren't as "crazy" as he lead you on to believe. You said she's been polite through emails. The fact that he was the supposed victim to all of his romantic relationships and you are a "closet friend" of his speaks a lot. Why did he feel the need to keep you hidden?? Was he fucking you and coming to you for comfort from all the "toxic and mentally unstable girls"? Maybe he was the manipulative one and getting her side of the story might reveal a lot of secrets about him that you never knew...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 months ago

      Closest friend, not a closet friend. I wasn't a secret. But I appreciate your comment. Now that this is in the past I do see things more clearly and some truths did come out. However it didn't change how I see my friend. I know I am not the hostile one in this situation and I completely understand just how stuck he was. Telling a mentally unstable person the truth about something that could potentially lead to self harm is not an easy situation to deal with.

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      • imnotnormal555
        11 months ago

        Wow! that 's' was really crucial!!! Ok that makes sense. I'm glad you're getting some clarity now. Really sorry about the loss of your friend. Good luck to you.

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  • F12Z3
    1 year ago

    It seems to me that if your best friend really wanted to give her this information, he would have done it long ago. It seems to me that you are doing the right thing by not answering her. It's right that you continue to treat your deceased best friend with respect.

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  • normal-rebellious
    1 year ago

    Well, I think you're not hostile, and I think things will go absolutely disgusting, you probably are a sad bitch who wants to manipulate my advice to do what you want, so fuck it all, I don't give advice to sad people who want to kill me.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      I don't want to kill anyone. Weird reply.

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      • normal-rebellious
        1 year ago

        Well, I think your husband shouldn't be dating another woman, your ex can date another woman, and I think things will go disgusting with you.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          1 year ago

          What are you talking about? You are very disgusting with how confused you are.

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          • normal-rebellious
            11 months ago

            Logic, besides, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, you're fine and wait a minute, you're being contacted by your dead best friend's ex-girlfriend over a dying man? And why are you ignoring her? And if anyone is eccentric, which is an odd thing to have, is you frightened of them because they're strange people. I think you should tell her she was a bastard to her man. Doing abstract things and forgetting about it, which might sound weird to you, will solve your problems. I'm not making a weird reply, I'm very conventional, no need for you to define that. I think you should condole your friend's woman for the loss of your friend.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              11 months ago

              I was very nice to her when she first contacted me and we had a couple conversations despite them being difficult. Of course I offered condolences. And she was a little too forthcoming with praise for me and my role in everything. Her kindness was as fake as it comes. It was when she demanded that I give her his things and his father's contact info so she could bribe him to "do the right thing" that I paused for thought. She someone made herself believe I had control of these things, which I didn't. It got weird. He was a private person and she wanted to literally spam the internets with news of his death so the world could "drop to their knees and mourn him." Turns out she has a personality disorder and distancing myself from her was the safest course of action. I expect I will hear from her one more time. It's actually a much bigger story than I care to share here, but when I first wrote this I had never dealt mental illness like hers. And once I started looking into it and rereading all of his descriptions of her, all the pieces started to click. Ultimately, I know I did the right thing.

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