Am i a bad friend for being embarrassed of my friend in public?

24 Comments

I feel like I might be really shallow and maybe care a bit too much about what other people think, but I am embarrassed sometimes when my friend and I are in public.

He has long, tangled hair that looks like a rat's nest, he doesn't bother to take care of, and sometimes has an odor to it that I can smell just by him turning his head. I've seen giant mats in it before, too. It always looks like he just got out of bed and sometimes it's greasy.

He wears clothes that are way too big for him, sometimes wrinkled or stained, and usually his shirts have some really stupid saying on them like something along the lines of laziness and apathy being cool, being a slacker, or something like that. The sayings are pretty dumb, but the fact that the clothes don't look presentable in the first place is the bigger deal to me.

He belches and farts loudly in public, talks about disgusting and inappropriate things loudly, and if something bores him, he acts like a child and sits on the floor, like in the middle of a store. His excuse is that his legs are so tired, but it's only after like 5 minutes and he doesn't have this problem if he's looking at something that interests him. He also smacks his lips when he eats in public and opens his mouth full of food and exhales loudly while saying "HOT!" when his food is hot. He farts in restaurants and laughs and makes a big production about it, and talks about disgusting things like bathroom-related subjects at the table.

He has also smacked and groped my ass in public, which got us several dirty looks. I don't even appreciate this in private, but I think I at least got the message across about this one because he stopped after I got really pissed about it.

It's getting to where I'm embarrassed to bring him in public with me. He gets us stared at a lot and it's embarrassing. He wonders why people stare and acts self conscious about people "thinking we're dating" if we walk side by side, but none of these other things seem to bother him. It is also kind of hurtful that he is more embarrassed of people thinking I'm his girlfriend than some of the shit he does.

Am I shallow for this, or not a true friend?

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 24 )

litelander8

4 years ago | pl

What you should do as a "friend" is tell him he's nasty as fuck.

Comment Hidden ( show )

7

7
[Old Memory]

4 years ago | pl

No, you're not being shallow. This dude sounds in huge need of a shower and some manners.

Comment Hidden ( show )

6

6
SkullsNRoses

4 years ago

The fact that he smacks and gropes your arse despite you not liking it and lies to you to manipulate you into paying for him shows that he has no respect for you and does NOT value you. Real friends are honest with eachother and respect boundaries.

Feeling sorry for someone is not reason enough to stay friends if he is being this disrespectful.

You say he is unemployed and his other friends have given up, but this is due to his own poor life decisions and isn’t your mess to clean up. He is a grown man and you’re under no obligation to be his unpaid down-trodden babysitter.

Comment Hidden ( show )

4

4
RoseIsabella

4 years ago

Ugh! Why are you even friends with that guy? Do you enjoy torturing yourself? I would seriously dump that guy as a friend, or at least ghost him.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  I guess I feel sorry for him because I'm all he has left and his family doesn't really have any interest in helping him, so I'm trying to. It doesn't seem to be working and I'm growing tired of it and an starting to realize my worth and that I deserve better, though, and not just because he's embarrassing, but because he's been using me and disrespecting me as well.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Boogienights
    
    4 years ago
    
    Lesson 1 - You cant change people
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    Dump him!
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
Boojum

4 years ago

So what the hell are you getting out of this relationship? It sounds pretty lopsided, and what you said in a response to another poster suggests that you feel some sort of obligation to the uncouth, semi-domesticated dirtbag, in that you're apparently the only person in the whole world who's willing to put up with him.

Do you have some sort of messiah complex, and believe that it's your true role in life to save him?

The fact is that it is not your responsibility to try to educate him in how to behave in socially acceptable ways, and nor do you have a duty to pay his way when he can't be bothered to find a way to earn some money.

It sounds to me like he's a manipulative person, and so far you've willingly gone along with his manipulating. I'd suggest that the responsible thing for you to do as a friend is to tell him in explicit language why you find being with him unpleasant, and what aspects of his behaviour you find embarrassing. From what you say about him, I imagine this would be difficult face to face, so do it by some sort of text medium, and then break off contact.

Be prepared for him to do the classic deflection move by saying that you're selfish, shallow, lacking in empathy, unreasonable, prissy, obsessed with social conventions, a sheeple and various other insults. Even though he's clearly far from fine, he needs to believe that he is, so he'll likely try to convince himself that you're the one with problems.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
Ellenna

4 years ago

This person is NOT a friend to you! He sounds totally self-centred and manipulative and it's time you realised no-one can fix anyone else. Of course he has no interest in changing while you're enabling him to continue his laziness in the guise of "helping" him.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
Primus

4 years ago

I’d feel good knowing im the hot one.

On a serious note, I’d try to fix him before dumping him as a friend. Maybe its because I sympathize with losers with little to no redeemable qualities, but at least tell him how he makes you feel first.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  This is my issue as well. I've stuck by his side and don't feel like I could dump him because I want to help him.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Cuntsiclestick
    
    4 years ago
    
    He's the type of person that doesn't deserve friends. Stop wasting time on someone who's useless.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
Jdlc

4 years ago

My longtime ladyfriend has dumped me cause I tie my very long hair in pigtails especially when riding my harley. She is embarrased to be seen in public with me now. all my other friends say it look fine and also a VietNam Vet should do whatever he wants with his hair. Your thoughts?

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  I don't see a problem with it, as long as it's clean, doesn't stink, and isn't matted or tangled.
  
  My friend's hair embarrasses me because it is all of those things; dirty/greasy, smelly, and matted/tangled.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Boogienights

4 years ago

Why the hell are you friends with this person in the first place? Id run in the opposite direction from someone like that.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
mauzi

4 years ago

Let me guess this is the "autistic" guy from the phony feel-good post earlier?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  No, it isn't. He hasn't been diagnosed with anything to my knowledge.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
- RoseIsabella
  
  4 years ago
  
  Which one is that? I wouldn't want to be friends with someone with such a high cringe factor.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - mauzi
    
    4 years ago
    
    High cringe factor - As in autistic people? Honestly, if I was a guy this sounds like a hilarious friend, but as a girl I can see the cringe when people assume youre either dating or keeping him around as some kinda orbiter. I am betting on that post about the girl self conscious of being friends with an autist being the same as this OP, and either a troll or holier than thou personality.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Boojum
      
      4 years ago
      
      "some kinda orbiter"
      
      The image of the OP's scuzzball "friend" circling around her as she shops made me laugh.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      4 years ago
      
      I don't think I'm better than anyone and I'm not trolling (EDIT: sorry, I didn't realize you are talking about the post about the autistic kid), it's just embarrassing to be stared at and associated with rude and childish behavior. Plus, this friend has no job and expects me to pay for everything, and I've caught him lying to me about having no money in an attempt to get me to help him out, when his mom actually gave him money. I have been trying to help him learn to be more responsible, but he has no interest and I'm seeing no use at this point.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - mauzi
        
        4 years ago
        
        Still, you seem like the OP of the other post...so you like to take in all these kinda pitiful guys, for what purpose?
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        Anonymous Post Author
        
        4 years ago
        
        I'm really not the OP of the other post.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
    - RoseIsabella
      
      4 years ago
      
      Not necessarily autistic people, but just a gross, nasty person.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0

Are You Normal?

Am i a bad friend for being embarrassed of my friend in public?