Age gaps in young relationships

22 Comments

Context:
-I am 18, and the girl in question is 16.

-I am not super religious, and the girl is the pastor's kid at my friend's church(for this reason along with age I am apprehensive).

-She has shown many signs of being "into me" that she does not give to the other guys I'm friends with. Yes, I acknowledge the possibility that my conclusion that she's into me could be wrong.

-I go to my friend's youth group once a week, and thus see her once a week, because I like the people there.

-I am very hesitant to give her signs of liking her because I fear that 1. it will get awkward, and 2. people will think I'm a creep.

Okay, so on to the question. Should I try and date her? It makes me uncomfortable that she's so much younger than me.

She's never had a job, doesn't know what she wants out of life, and probably hasn't formed her own beliefs on many topics like I have. Hell, I'm still forming my opinions. Every time I have a conversation with a friend about politics or whatever social issue, I change an opinion about something.

She knows basically nothing about me, and I her. She likes Christian music, and I like most genres that aren't that. I'm a 9-5 apprentice in a blue-collar trade, and she's never had a job. She's mature for her age, and I am for mine, but the numbers matter.

I don't know what to do.

You're a weirdo if you date her 1
You're a weirdo if you don't date her 10
She's a weirdo 0
You're a weirdo 1
Other/Multiple(reply below) 11
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Comments ( 22 )
  • thepuppet
    2 years ago

    it sounds like you should try to get to know her first. in this situation i think the "i know nothing about her and she knows nothing about me" seems more relevant than a 2 year age gap. maybe try to be friends and then see where that leads?

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  • Somenormie
    2 years ago

    You are totally fine, it's just a 2 year gap. Therefore you aren't a weirdo.

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  • olderdude-xx
    2 years ago

    Its normal to have such an interest; a 2 year age gap is quite common (and my wife is 5 years younger than I).

    1st question: What is the age of consent in your state (on average its 16 in the US; but some states have 18, and other states used to have some variations based on possible parental permission - I'm not sure if those exist anymore).

    2nd question: Even if she is not of the age of consent you need to research if your states allow an age gap even among younger people who are sexually active. You might be totally legal with a 2 year age gap, where a 3 or 4 year age gap, etc., may not be.

    As long as things are legal... you have no worries other than pleasing her and impressing her parents that you are a decent young man.

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  • jrbsportz
    2 years ago

    Dude if you are into this girl I mean into her all the way,it ok I was 19 and my lady was 17 when we marry,I talk with her parents that I would marry this lady when time was right and believe me it was right.dont know what area you are but our state adult is 17 and both agree to get marry boom !!!! Life good!!!!

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  • darefu
    2 years ago

    Dating her doesn't mean, having sex with her!
    Be open with her and her parents, matter of fact I would ask her father for his permission to ask his daughter out.

    That being said 18 is a tuff age especially for a male.
    18+ females are looking for older guys. Under 18 could be a problem depends on country/state.

    Yet, back to the first statement there's nothing illegal or wrong with being 18 and dating a younger person. I know of no laws against it. The laws all apply to sexual activities.

    Now acceptable standards is a different thing, if you're 18 and start dating a 12yr old, sex or not could get you killed.

    Papa's got a big old knife! Lol

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I know that dating =/= sex. That's not the point. As I said, she's the pastor's kid; I'm not after sex. I just wanted to know people's opinion on the emotional maturity gap, basically. Maybe I'm overthinking everything.

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      • darefu
        2 years ago

        2yrs is not that much. 16 and 18 there can be more of a difference in maturity level than lets say 25 and 27. Girls do have a tendency to mature a little earlier, but if all you're looking for is friendship and dating, you'll never know if you don't ask.

        Long term relationships in my family have little to do with actual age or age gap. We have anything from same age to 9 years different.
        I will admit I was in one with 10 yrs difference and it was fun but a challenge at times.

        Treat her right get to know her, as I said ask and respect her parents. If she's not ready or wanting to date she'll let you know.

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  • S0UNDS_WEIRD
    2 years ago

    I'm not good at this sort of question because despite maintaining a lot of childlike fun in adulthood, I was always drastically mature for my age before adulthood. I mean drastically, as early as 10. I spent all day thinking about how I'd ideally like to die in the end, career plans, etc. Therefore it's hard for me to properly assess the mind of a typical 16-year-old.

    Age gaps in youth can certainly mean a lot whereas two years matters little more than two months post-25. Most 16-year-olds seem way more like 18-year-olds than those younger in my experience. It seems to be kind of a transformative age, which is why 16 is actually the age of consent in 31 out of 50 states in the US, more common than 17 and 18 combined. That said, it does get progressively more disturbing imagining that much older adults could be with them while 18 or so doesn't exactly set off warning signs.

    I think what this really comes down to is _you_. You have to ask yourself some questions. If she _does_ end up eventually dropping some tell-tale signs she's a bit behind you, are you going to prey on that? Are you going to manipulate her? Are you going to try to make her do stuff she doesn't want to and act like "all the 18-year-olds" would? Or are you just into her and going to be good to her and very fair to her as she closes any tiny gap between you over the next couple years? I think if you know damn well you're a decent guy, then it doesn't really matter that much. You'll be 18 and 20 in no time. If you can't say that about yourself, I'd say stick to 18-year-olds but I'll actually say stick to being alone because you should absolutely be able to say this.

    Just don't be a 16-year-old fucking a 12-year-old for god's sake. That's a thing here.

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    • my_death_my_way
      2 years ago

      Yeah, jolly good. I thought about finding a young bloke for some right cheeky fun, but since I'm such a young bird (definitely not an old man pretending to be a girl online), that would mean I was snogging toddlers. I didn't have a worry in the world about being a paedophile, until I realized most of the little ones aren't even allowed to play with knives. Well, if he can't punch me in the gob and use a knife to stab me, then what's the point really? Because being knifed is what really gets the old minge sloppy. And I say minge because I'm definitely not a dodgy old geezer pretending to be a girl.

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      • my_life_my_way
        2 years ago

        Hmm, now I have absolutely no doubts about who you are 😂 glad you went to all this trouble tho

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        • my_death_my_way
          2 years ago

          Thanks. It was really hard work making another account. Must have taken two whole minutes or something.

          I'm sure it doesn't compare to the work you put into stealing that one though.

          I know who you are too, by the way.

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          • my_life_my_way
            2 years ago

            Shhh, It’s okay, I know you’re just some lonely little retard desperatefor someone to interact with you and I’m noticing you now, it’s okay

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Would I manipulate her into doing something she doesn't want to do? No, I am not into rape.

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      • S0UNDS_WEIRD
        2 years ago

        Happy to hear it.

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  • dude_Jones
    2 years ago

    Smaller steps, dude. Get her phone number, get texting threads going while you're both lying in bed. If she wants to talk about the teddy bears she's sleeping with, best to end the relationship.

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  • LloydAsher
    2 years ago

    Honestly if she was 18 you would be in the clear even if you were 45. Though since shes underage you are in a massive legal disadvantage if you piss her off. You are a legal adult, she isnt. Sorry bud but you ain't going to be at the bottom of the dating totem pole for long.

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  • fatok
    2 years ago

    If you like her then go for it. Just don't have sex until she's 18, that will get you into a real shit storm.

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  • Tinybird
    2 years ago

    age is irrelevant only love matters

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  • randomperson1000000
    2 years ago

    I didn't read your full article, but depending on what the legal age is where you live, as long as neither person is hurting or taking advantage of each other, PEOPLE NEED TO MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!!!

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  • mouldiwarp
    2 years ago

    You’re both weird.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Fair enough

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  • DADNSCAL
    2 years ago

    Good for a friend for now, but there’s a huge age gap between 16 and 18.

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