"quiet" boyfriend hardly ever asks to see me. is this normal?

Hi guys, I'm dating a guy who claims to be an introvert. I see him only once or twice a week and give him plenty of time.

However, he shows low affection, doesn't ever really go out of his way, and is often very busy. I did bring up that I felt detached and he genuinely seemed to care.

One thing is that he goes on trips with his buddies all the time, and doesn't seem to remember me. I always send him on his way & am happy for him, but wish we had more time together.

One person told me that introverts sometimes do want to spend time w/partner, and another said only once a week.

I am a bright, energetic person, and I feel like I'm too "much" for him. It makes me extremely sad. I am always offering fun things to do, wanting to talk, and he just doesn't meet my energy. I am usually always smiling/laughing, but feel very down when I'm with him. He is usually quiet and on the computer. Maybe he needs a meek, confident, quiet girl and it breaks my heart.

I love my personality but it hurts to think of him with someone else better. I do love him.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 18 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Go with your gut you probably already know the answer as to why hes like that. From the outside lookin in it sounds like hes takin you for granted. Guys do that sometimes when they feel they got the girl on the hook

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  • Dating should be fun for both parties involved, if you consider yourself to be in still a ‘dating stage’ he may not be taking it as seriously as you are.
    Which isn’t /exactly/ him being inconsiderate, he may just be clueless. And it’s upsetting you aren’t having as much fun as you could be

    However, because dating is meant to be fun, it’s odd he isn’t as excited to see you as you are him, as the two of you should still be in the eager/curious stage.

    I’m a very high energy person as well, I’m highly extroverted and have a large daily social requirement. My wife is more relaxed than I am, she’s less chaotic in her socializing and energy, and doesn’t have the same feeling of ‘necessity’ that I do.
    In a successful partnership, you need to meet in the middle. It’s an awkward job at the beginning, but eventually comes very naturally. Neither of us feels shorted or overworked, and if we did feel either way - it would be an area of incompatibility.

    The way you are questioning, it sounds like there’s some incompatibility here. Some differences can be worked on, but the keyword is “work”. A relationship requires work, more work than dating does, a partnership should eventually be second-nature.

    Talk to him again. Nothing will be sorted behind the other’s back. It’s okay to not be compatible with someone, you aren’t losing anything if the relationship doesn’t work out

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    • Hi! Thank you so much for your answer. I’m concerned because we are actually in a relationship! We “dated” for about a month, and he started behaving like this a month into relationship. He was never like this before, was so sweet, always invited me places, was extremely affectionate. Something happened & I didn’t see him for a few weeks, & he’s been like this ever since. It’s been 3/4 months. I’ve subtly asked him if everything’s okay and he says yes every time.

      Thank you. I will see what I can do. May just be a difference in personality. Or this is his true nature. It’s insane because our chemistry was 100- and now he is just so detached. “You aren’t losing anything if the relationship doesn’t work out” thanks for this again

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  • He's not the one for you.

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  • I'm actually the one who is an introvert in my relationship..... my fiance (even though I love him) won't ever shut up to let my brain thrive. He LOVES talking and I LOVE thinking.... What do I do? Well I just run my brain on autopilot and just say "yeah" or other small answer words.

    It gets so bad that I don't answer 20 of his missed calls. I've told him how I like to just sit quietly while my mind drifts. Still he feels the need to socialize.

    I get your boyfriends perspective of not wanting to chat much as it's really draining for the introverted mind. Like I know I complained about my fiance but I still show him my affection through actions. You know what they say 'actions speak louder than words'.

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    • Shit :( thank you SO much. I really am trying to understand the introvert brain, and I really appreciate this answer.

      May I ask, what kind of things do you do through actions? The most this guy does is give me a peck when we leave, and says he’s happy. He doesn’t seem to go out of his “way” for me, but he thinks texting every day and hanging out once a week for a movie is enough. Guess this is him? Like I will get him gifts & he won’t reciprocate etc.

      Thanks for your kind answer again I appreciate it❤️

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      • I'm there for him when he had a bad day, I buy him food when we're out for the day, and I cuddle him when he wants to. Those are only a few examples

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  • None of this is normal.

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  • Guys are mysterious creatures.

    If I was in your position I would tell him how these things make me feel and check in with him to see if he is okay. I once knew this guy, who was introverted, shy, and cute, he would often go off silent, not really respond to my messages, show low affection, not really ask to see me, or take me on dates and I found out that he was battling depression silently.

    Not saying prioritise his needs over yours, but to make your relationship work please set healthy boundaries, communication needs clearly, reinforce healthy communication, provide one another with emotional support and encourage one another to grow.

    Now good luck my love!

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    • Thank you❤️You’re absolutely right. His mom actually died about 2 years ago (before I met him) and whenever he talks abt it seems to be casual/brush it off. I am always worried if he is okay.

      However, whenever I ask him if our communication is good (if he’s okay etc.) he always says yes, and that’s just how he is with texting. Told him I couldn’t always tell.

      I told him also recently I couldn’t always read him, but waiting for improvements. I have been trying to be very gentle, that’s why my communication w/him has been so soft. But maybe I will step it up a bit.

      Thank you this was a kind and gentle answer. I wish he would provide me more strength to grow/emotional support but maybe we can work together❤️

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