2 min finish

Well, you seem to have prematurely ended that sentence, so it wouldn't surprise me.

A bloke escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money, beer and guns and finds a young Australian couple in bed. He orders the bloke out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom.
While the man is in the bathroom, the husband tells the wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped inmate, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years... I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!!"

I miss the old, run down, Target store I used to work at. The building is being turned into some expensive, fancy pants gym spa. Because of the area it's located in, I doubt it's going to scucceed. That's probably just me being salty. I'm really grateful that I was transferred to a brand new Target store a few months beforehand and have a job, but still. XD

What?

How is your fiber intake? You're post is quite incoherent and borderline illiterate. I bet you are constipated as well. Whatever you do don't gratify yourself.

Oh.

How to cook a cat with your coffee maker 
After I posted this on the Swedish version of Coffee Machine Cuisine people got very upset. Some of the things they called me was idiot, cannibal (?) and they even said that I’m the reason for the low status that cats got in this society. I don’t get why people are so upset?! It’s no worse than eating a cow, pig or a chicken if you ask me. And hunting must be the most humane way to kill animals for food. 

It all took place on a warm and sunny day when me and Dan were out at our cabin with all of our cats. Since we got so many cats I figured that I could shoot one of them so I released them into the woods and began the hunt. First I thought that the fat one, Gucci, would be an easy shot but she managed to escape surprisingly quickly. It was the sun that eventually was Iggy’s downfall. She is quite photophobic you see so she could hardly see where she was going. And BAM, easy shot for me.cooking with your coffee maker 

R.I.P. my little sweetheart. 
Time 
5 hours 
Ingredients 
1 cat 
½ red onion 
1 pimiento 
1 clove of garlic 
2 ½ dl coconut milk 
2 ½ dl cream 
2 tbsp meat extract 
Juice of lime 
Ginger 
Butter 
Instructions 
Skin, fillet and chop the kitty cat. Start your coffee maker, grease the heater and place the pieces of your cat onto it. Fry it until they are cooked throughly and tender, it will take about an hour (it depends on what cut of meat you’re using and how fresh it is). Remove the meat and wipe the heater. 

Chop all of the remaining ingredients that shall be chopped. Put a dollop of butter into the carafe, let it melt and then put the onion and the garlic in the carafe and fry it for about half an hour. Season with ginger. Add coconut milk, cream and meat extract and let it cook for two hours – it should get really warm. After that add the cat meat and wait a bit longer. Finally add pimiento pieces, lime juice and season generously with freshly ground black pepper and just a little salt. Turn off your coffee maker. 

The best way to serve this delicious cat stew is accompanied by a glass of a tasty red wine and freshly baked bread.