12 year old has no friends
Hi. I really need help guidance and or advice.
My son is 12 and going into year 8 of secondary school. The problem is he has NO friends. Not one!
Ok a bit of background. He is an only child and has no close cousins, his second cousin’s mums do not want him at their house – I have no idea why no one will tell me.
He went to a very small primary school and was unable to make friends there bar one child who everyone thought was ‘weird’ (but who is a lovely kid and managed to get on with others). He goes to a different secondary school than all the kids from his primary school partly because I want him to have a new start and secondly cause his school is ‘better’.
When he started secondary school he knew one person (a girl, they were both picked on cause of their friendship) and she quickly disowned him and left him on his own. He says he knows the reason why people don’t like him – he talks too much, gets easily excited, can be distracting and I guess at times (if I’m being honest) annoying.
He is seeing the counsellor at school but refuses to tell her the truth in terms of the gravity of the situation and will only speak to me (won’t even tell his father the truth!). I have tried some cognitive behaviour stuff but he is very argumentative, negative, defensive and seems to feel completely disempowered and at the point of giving up. (Early on in year 7 he told me he wanted to commit suicide)! He also seems unable to come up with solutions.
He walks to school by himself and walks home by himself. He says he spends lunch and break alone as well. He did attend all of the after school activities but says he was picked on (he is rather tall and seemed unable to manage his body – although this is changing) so stopped going.
He is a very bright child (although didn’t do well enough in the 11+) and is practically working at the level they want the kids to be at by the end of year 9 already. He just seems to completely lack any social skills at all and has alienated people.
To be honest I had the same problem at school but I think being a girl the girls were a lot more helpful and kind and I always had at least had one friend even if it was changing every term!
At home it is the same. He used to have a couple of friends who would knock for him. They have stopped and we don’t know why. He now plays with 7 year olds and gets picked on for that as he is acting ‘babyish’. He was also told today to come out of the park as it is only for white kids! And he was there on his own.
I basically need some help. What do I do?
Do I change his school – is this going to solve the ‘problem’ or just delay it to adulthood?
Do I speak to the other parents – and embarrass him?
Or do I keep trying to persuade him to go to school every day? And possibly send him into a depressive state?
How does he and can he turn this around?
Please people I really am worried about him and could really do with some advice.