your confessions IIN

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  • I kind of hate most people, including myself. Well that's not exactly accurate. I love the essense of people, including myself, but I hate most of the things we do and what they represent. If I told people every time they do something that makes me feel that way, I'd never stop talking and I worry that I wouldn't have any of the friends I have.

    I have real problems expressing myself. Sometimes I can't find all the words, sometimes I can't work out how to practise abstract ideas. Other times I could, but I'm scared of the reaction from other people. I'm deeply neurotic.

    I struggle with gender and sexuality. I have a penis and I almost exclusively wear "boys' clothes", but I feel uncomfortable calling myself male. I am also not female. Gender doesn't exist, and yet most people are comfortably adhered to one side of the binary. If I deviate I am required to explain myself, as if I'm the one doing something weird. We are all required to constantly police ourselves with regards to gender (as well as other categorisations), but it seems to me that most people have internalized their categories and truly believe their gender comes from themselves, whereas I am offended by the thought of being categorised by default (I'm an individual, fuck you).

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