Would you tell the guy you're pregnant if you're going to get an abortion?

46 Comments

Do you feel he has a right to know that he got someone pregnant even if you're gonna get an abortion anyway? And even if you think he does, is there any point in telling him anyway since it won't make any difference? Would it be cruel to tell him in case it would upset him? Or is it the right thing to do because you shouldn't have the right to withhold that information from him?

This is just some random guy that you slept with once and never planned on seeing again after that.

Yes	18
No	16
I'm not sure	10

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 46 )

Grunewald

4 years ago

Yes, because it's got his genes too. If he isn't told about the pregnancy, it's acting like he isn't responsible for it. An unborn child is no less the genetic product of the father, just because it grows inside the mother.

Comment Hidden ( show )

5

5
- Bumfuzzle
  
  4 years ago
  
  23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - libby.larsen
    
    4 years ago
    
    Non sequiturs are the most reliable indicators of small mindedness and low intelligence.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
    - Bumfuzzle
      
      4 years ago
      
      Or could it be that you are not thinking deeply enough to be able to see the synchronistic,archetypal, and mythological analogy my fact it is attempting to draw at?
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - libby.larsen
        
        4 years ago
        
        Go take your lithium, Hans. Without it your mind is seriously fucked up.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        Bumfuzzle
        
        4 years ago
        
        I thought this might happen, would you like me to put it in simpler language for you?
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        See More Comments =>
BleedingPain

4 years ago

You shouldnt tell him because what is he gonna do with that info? Pull a 180 and marry you while becoming #1 dad of the year?

Comment Hidden ( show )

4

4
- Tealights
  
  4 years ago
  
  I love this comment, because it's 100% true. Unless the guy is happily married to the woman he always imagined being with, which is unlikely in most situations, no man on earth is going to be overjoyed about a pregnancy. Many will just see it as, "Oh shit...," or "I hope it's a boy."
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    Their so selfish.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
- Indigo1
  
  4 years ago
  
  even snake eyes gets rolled three in a row on occasion
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - BleedingPain
    
    4 years ago
    
    The odds are stacked against him
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
RoseIsabella

4 years ago

I'm actually more pro-life now, but I used to be more pro-choice. I think for the most part that the woman ought to tell her partner if she is pregnant regardless of whether, or not she plans to get an abortion, or have the baby. I also think that the man ought to offer her some financial assistance if she is having an abortion, or if she is having the baby. I think the only logical reason to not tell the guy is if he is going to become violent, or harass the woman, and try to force her to do what he wants. It's the woman's body, and so it should be her decision more than anything else. If a man has a problem with all of this then he add shouldn't ever be having unprotected sex unless he is married. Guys should understand that they can't have their cake, and eat it too on this one unless the guy in question is a seahorse.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- Indigo1
  
  4 years ago
  
  I agree with a majority of what you say, but should it not be equally a womans responsibility to also make sure that she doesn't go around having unprotected sex? I mean it takes two to tango, it's an equally two way street to be sure, right? Obviously a man can easily be at more fault, taking off a condom unannounced to the partner...ect.. but if both parties agree to have unprotected sex , i'd argue that the woman and the man equally made the CHOICE to make a baby, and while i'm not sure it would completely negate the imbalance of the fact that the woman has to carry the baby therefore she gets more say, but i certainly feel it greatly reduces her ability to choose and reverts it at the very least... closer back to the 50/50 mark.
  In the sense that if the baby didn't have to be carried by anyone, it would obviously be a 50/50 choice because its made of both of them, its only because the woman has to carry the child and give birth to the child that gives her the edge and I'd agree, right to choose. but ya I just feel like if they both choose in the beginning to make the baby, it kind of takes a bit of that choice away from her...no?
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    I honestly don't understand women who are sexually active, and don't carry, and use condoms. I'm a Generation-X person who lived through the AIDS crisis time. Most of my friends in college were gay men so the nightclubs we went to even handed out free condoms.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
- raisinbran
  
  4 years ago
  
  Everyone is pro-life and pro-choice.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    Um, okay... how so? I'm interested to hear your point of view.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - raisinbran
      
      4 years ago
      
      Most people don't like the idea of killing babies, no matter how annoying they are. However, legislating what people do with their bodies is absurd. What if there was a law about your bowel movements? Way too intimate and personal.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - RoseIsabella
        
        4 years ago
        
        Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
- CozmoWank
  
  4 years ago
  
  Yeah, it's all the guys fault. Pffftt. Horseshit. It takes two and now there is a third party in the equation. Sometimes behavior has consequences. Why didn't she take birth control?
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    Not everyone wants to put chemicals, and hormones in their body. A condom is a very good option.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
    - CozmoWank
      
      4 years ago
      
      Not fucking strangers is a sound option.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - RoseIsabella
        
        4 years ago
        
        Well, I certainly don't have a problem with that option. I'm not into one night stands. I also have a saying that I live by, "no glove, no love".
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
TerriAngel

4 years ago

Your body, he has no reason to know.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
Tealights

4 years ago

Depends on the situation.

If contraceptives failed with a one-night-stand or I was raped, then of course the guy isn't going to know about the abortion.

However, if it's a failed contraceptives with a friend, boyfriend, husband or whomever I know personally and loyal to, I will tell them and probably not abort the baby unless we discuss it first.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
leggs91200

4 years ago

A lot of people who get abortions don't need to be having kids to begin with

Plus this whole "pro life" thing where they say life begins when the sperm meets the egg - false. Life does not actually begin until the kids are grown and moved out of the house.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- FromTheSouthWeirdGuy
  
  4 years ago
  
  Speak for yourseld I love coming home to my little man.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
CozmoWank

4 years ago

Drama like this should be reason enough to stay away from random hook ups.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
LloydAsher

4 years ago

Ha I'm infertile! *does a backflip out of the relationship.*

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
raisinbran

4 years ago

There's no point in telling him.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Indigo1
  
  4 years ago
  
  it could encourage him to not have unsafe sex and create this problem all over again as im sure it's done for her
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
[Old Memory]

4 years ago

The proper thing to do would be to tell him. Despite the fact that the woman carries the child, it's still the man's too, and ideally, he should have some say.

I wouldn't bother to tell him though, because what he wouldn't know wouldn't hurt him. Besides, if he were to object, it would a huge pain in my ass, and a pointless one.

I wouldn't bother to feel bad about it either. I would inevitably be the one to bear more responsibility and burden in the pregnancy, so I should be the one to have the greater say anyway.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Indigo1
  
  4 years ago
  
  it could encourage him to not have unsafe sex and create this problem all over again as im sure it's done for her
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - [Old Memory]
    
    4 years ago
    
    That's one practical upside that I didn't realize, but nonetheless, I wouldn't take the risk of the father raising a fuss about whatever decision I wanted to make.
    
    How far do men's reproductive rights go anyway? Can a father legally interfere with the abortion of his child?
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
Doesnormalmatter

4 years ago

This is a tricky one. It is really up to you and if it is just some 'random guy' I don't think a woman should feel obligated to say so.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
palehorse

4 years ago

You don't have to, but there's nothing wrong with telling him. Kind of a meh vote for me.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
Boojum

4 years ago

No in general, and very definitely no fucking way if the sperm donor was "some random guy".

Telling him is just begging for all sorts of drama, and it's a traumatic enough experience as it is.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Indigo1
  
  4 years ago
  
  it could encourage him to not have unsafe sex and help create this problem all over again as I'm sure it's done for her
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - Boojum
    
    4 years ago
    
    That isn't a totally ridiculous hope, but I doubt it. I guess I must be more cynical than you about people in general and men in particular.
    
    OP doesn't say if a condom was used, but I assume so. There are guys who secretly remove condoms during sex or surreptitiously damage them so they'll tear because they get off on the idea of making the woman pregnant. It's psychopathic behaviour, but there are lots of covert psychopaths around.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
FromTheSouthWeirdGuy

4 years ago

Don't do it. They say when women get an ultrasound before aborting they're 90% likely to decide to keep the baby. The little baby is alive in there moving around, his heart is beating. I hope you reconsider.

Comment Hidden ( show )

-1

-1
Bumfuzzle

4 years ago

A fetus develops fingerprints at eighteen weeks!

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Boogienights

4 years ago

No I'd do a home job then post it to him.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Pinkmoon

4 years ago

Morally yes, but if he won't find out, you can hide it if that's your choice. Why didn't you take contraceptives if you don't mind me asking. There are consequences to each action which we should be responsible for.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
bigbudchonga

4 years ago

Don't tell him. I'm a guy, I would probably not want the woman to get an abortion, even if it's the situation you're talking about; with all that laid out, I would still not tell him. You will hurt him, and no good will come of it, but a lot of pain will.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Holzman_67

4 years ago

I think I’ll go with what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
CapriSun

4 years ago

Yeah I’d tell him. Because even if you’re getting an abortion it’s still a baby. But I mean I wouldn’t blame someone if they didn’t that’s pretty understandable too

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0

Are You Normal?

Would you tell the guy you're pregnant if you're going to get an abortion?