I don't know to be honest. It depends on many factors. If they no longer self harm and were totally in good mental health then yes, maybe.
It isn't a good idea to get into a relationship with someone who is going through a bad mental health stage. A relationship will not help them, even if they think it will. They need to be alone to work things out for themselves.
In all honesty, the self harm thing is a bit of a turn off for me. It only seems to be a certain group or stereotype who do this thing. I know they might be feeling down but I don't think self harm is the resort.
That's not necessarily true. I know plenty of people who you would not class as a stereotype of self harm, myself included. I'm not an "emo". My favorite band is Foals, I listen to classical too, I don't wear heaps of makeup, or wear black all the time, etc etc. I think personally that most people who self harm feel very alone, and someone to confide in, such as a partner, would be very helpful.
Fair enough.
I know a lot of people do self harm for genuine reasons because it's the only way they can find for release. But then we get these emo types who do it just because they find it cool and the done thing, which is quite offensive to those who feel they need to self harm for genuine reasons.
But then if you are in bad mental health, a relationship will make it worse. It'll be too much responsibility. You do need someone to confide in like a parent, good friend or counsellor, just like I did when I went through depression. A relationship has to be based on equal give and take and when your mental health isn't so good, you aren't able to give so much because you have to heal yourself. They are your lover, not your saviour.
I came out a four year long depression as soon as I came out a year long relationship. He couldn't handle my breakdowns. And I don't think it's a coincidence that as soon as he let me go I started to get better. Being made single was the best thing anyone ever did for me.
You think abandoning the lonely will help them? Thats why they die thats like saying "let that scuicidal child sit alone till they die they need to be alone" these people need our help and you are just going ti reject then like they have a plague? Thats pretty heartless.
You clearly did not even bother to read my reply. I did not mention anything about leaving a self harmer isolated. In fact, I said the opposite.
Plus you sound too young to even use this site...
I agree with Bonnabell my current GF has had mental breakdowns infront of me and is still suicidal at times, im fairly confident she would have committed suicide a number of times in the last four months if she didnt have me to be there for her and help her, she was much worse before we started dating and even i can see the improvements and it helps for self-harmers to date each other, it helps to have someone to talk to and not be judged by about it, I dont think I could date anyone other than a person who self harms because I feel judged by people who dont or never have
You just sending them off to therepy and saying I do not want to be assosiated with you is not showing you care. What if they have no freinds I think they need more then doctors. They need a person to say "ill stick by you". Shipping them away and saying get help to them is saying "your a freak I think you need to be locked up". You do not reject them like that and that is how they will take it. They need to be treated like humans not monsters! Just becuase I will not abandon this kind of person deosnt mean Im child.Also if you want my age read it.
You think a person like that needs no one? Some of them end up killing themselves? I do get the piont about not dating one who is not stable enough to get a lover though.
Of course they need someone, like a therapist for example but certainly not a relationship. They are your lover, not your full time carer. How can a relationship work if they have broken down mentally and cannot give back? They'll only be able to take, as in taking help.
Give and take has to be equal. You cannot give when you are in bad mental health. Trust me, I've been there.
That sounds very judgementel. They are still.human thats like saying a child abused by parents should never have love. Damaged is not worthless. Many if my freinds are like this and I love them the same!
Yes, your friends, NOT your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Self harmers are NOT self harmers forever. These things can be cured. So I am NOT saying these people NEVER deserve love. Clear enough now? Or still too young to? If you cannot put up a sensible, adult debate without your raging emotions getting in the way then I suggest this is not the site for you.
Would you date someone with self harm scars?
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I don't know to be honest. It depends on many factors. If they no longer self harm and were totally in good mental health then yes, maybe.
It isn't a good idea to get into a relationship with someone who is going through a bad mental health stage. A relationship will not help them, even if they think it will. They need to be alone to work things out for themselves.
In all honesty, the self harm thing is a bit of a turn off for me. It only seems to be a certain group or stereotype who do this thing. I know they might be feeling down but I don't think self harm is the resort.
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Scarlettfox
11 years ago
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Bonnabell
11 years ago
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That's not necessarily true. I know plenty of people who you would not class as a stereotype of self harm, myself included. I'm not an "emo". My favorite band is Foals, I listen to classical too, I don't wear heaps of makeup, or wear black all the time, etc etc. I think personally that most people who self harm feel very alone, and someone to confide in, such as a partner, would be very helpful.
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BlueJeansWhiteShirt
11 years ago
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Fair enough.
I know a lot of people do self harm for genuine reasons because it's the only way they can find for release. But then we get these emo types who do it just because they find it cool and the done thing, which is quite offensive to those who feel they need to self harm for genuine reasons.
But then if you are in bad mental health, a relationship will make it worse. It'll be too much responsibility. You do need someone to confide in like a parent, good friend or counsellor, just like I did when I went through depression. A relationship has to be based on equal give and take and when your mental health isn't so good, you aren't able to give so much because you have to heal yourself. They are your lover, not your saviour.
I came out a four year long depression as soon as I came out a year long relationship. He couldn't handle my breakdowns. And I don't think it's a coincidence that as soon as he let me go I started to get better. Being made single was the best thing anyone ever did for me.
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You think abandoning the lonely will help them? Thats why they die thats like saying "let that scuicidal child sit alone till they die they need to be alone" these people need our help and you are just going ti reject then like they have a plague? Thats pretty heartless.
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BlueJeansWhiteShirt
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You clearly did not even bother to read my reply. I did not mention anything about leaving a self harmer isolated. In fact, I said the opposite.
Plus you sound too young to even use this site...
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Bonnabell
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I agree with Bonnabell my current GF has had mental breakdowns infront of me and is still suicidal at times, im fairly confident she would have committed suicide a number of times in the last four months if she didnt have me to be there for her and help her, she was much worse before we started dating and even i can see the improvements and it helps for self-harmers to date each other, it helps to have someone to talk to and not be judged by about it, I dont think I could date anyone other than a person who self harms because I feel judged by people who dont or never have
You just sending them off to therepy and saying I do not want to be assosiated with you is not showing you care. What if they have no freinds I think they need more then doctors. They need a person to say "ill stick by you". Shipping them away and saying get help to them is saying "your a freak I think you need to be locked up". You do not reject them like that and that is how they will take it. They need to be treated like humans not monsters! Just becuase I will not abandon this kind of person deosnt mean Im child.Also if you want my age read it.
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I was sent off to therapy but didn't feel like a freak who no one cared for?
You think a person like that needs no one? Some of them end up killing themselves? I do get the piont about not dating one who is not stable enough to get a lover though.
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BlueJeansWhiteShirt
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Of course they need someone, like a therapist for example but certainly not a relationship. They are your lover, not your full time carer. How can a relationship work if they have broken down mentally and cannot give back? They'll only be able to take, as in taking help.
Give and take has to be equal. You cannot give when you are in bad mental health. Trust me, I've been there.
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Bonnabell
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That sounds very judgementel. They are still.human thats like saying a child abused by parents should never have love. Damaged is not worthless. Many if my freinds are like this and I love them the same!
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BlueJeansWhiteShirt
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Yes, your friends, NOT your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Self harmers are NOT self harmers forever. These things can be cured. So I am NOT saying these people NEVER deserve love. Clear enough now? Or still too young to? If you cannot put up a sensible, adult debate without your raging emotions getting in the way then I suggest this is not the site for you.