Worse social anxiety during pandemic and fearing for my mental health
I dont yet have my license so I have to take the bus and I have appointments constantly now as I am in touch with a doctor, my therapist and the whole process of figuring out my work ability. Last night my back started aching randomly and I was convinced I now have corona from having taken the bus the day before plus ive slept about 4 hours every night all week as ive had to get up so early and I cant fall asleep because I suffer from insomnia as my doctor calls it and this morning I started crying couldnt stop crying because I had to get on a bus to see my therapist and that doesnt happen to me usually very often so I am worried for my mental health.
Ive started having troubling nightmares lately which wakes me up with chills and I still get chills just thinking about them and I almost never have nightmares normally.I was also studying 24/7 for my theoretical driving test yes even when I went to bed at night I kept myself awake as long as possible studying and that in the middle of going through a pretty bad very sudden breakup and having had severe economical issues all year and i've been pushing my emotions aside focusing on studying and shutting everything else out. I passed the test which is great but now I feel empty and ive tried to feel my emotions from the breakup but I cant cry its just very dark inside and this morning something happened to me I just broke down crying and I couldnt cancel my meeting because its really expensive to cancel last minute so I tried to find a loophole, I called my therapist saying I have a cold do you really want me to come anyway with the risk of covid19 and she said yes, its important I start treatment as soon as possible so I had to go anyway. Then later today my dad let me down as usual and I started crying again while arguing with him over text and I never bother to argue with him because it doesnt make him care more. A few hours later he came around though surprisingly.Tomorrow I have to get on the bus again...I am worried about my mental health.Im too shut off emotionally I just feel like im on autopilot not fully aware.Its very scary.