Worse social anxiety during pandemic and fearing for my mental health

I dont yet have my license so I have to take the bus and I have appointments constantly now as I am in touch with a doctor, my therapist and the whole process of figuring out my work ability. Last night my back started aching randomly and I was convinced I now have corona from having taken the bus the day before plus ive slept about 4 hours every night all week as ive had to get up so early and I cant fall asleep because I suffer from insomnia as my doctor calls it and this morning I started crying couldnt stop crying because I had to get on a bus to see my therapist and that doesnt happen to me usually very often so I am worried for my mental health.

Ive started having troubling nightmares lately which wakes me up with chills and I still get chills just thinking about them and I almost never have nightmares normally.I was also studying 24/7 for my theoretical driving test yes even when I went to bed at night I kept myself awake as long as possible studying and that in the middle of going through a pretty bad very sudden breakup and having had severe economical issues all year and i've been pushing my emotions aside focusing on studying and shutting everything else out. I passed the test which is great but now I feel empty and ive tried to feel my emotions from the breakup but I cant cry its just very dark inside and this morning something happened to me I just broke down crying and I couldnt cancel my meeting because its really expensive to cancel last minute so I tried to find a loophole, I called my therapist saying I have a cold do you really want me to come anyway with the risk of covid19 and she said yes, its important I start treatment as soon as possible so I had to go anyway. Then later today my dad let me down as usual and I started crying again while arguing with him over text and I never bother to argue with him because it doesnt make him care more. A few hours later he came around though surprisingly.Tomorrow I have to get on the bus again...I am worried about my mental health.Im too shut off emotionally I just feel like im on autopilot not fully aware.Its very scary.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 7 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • I have an extreme one in real life where I am just way too scared to speak to people. I myself did have something similar during the whole pandemic.

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    • I've read tons of your comments & you are such a lovely, kindhearted person. It's sad that you have social anxiety, because society would be absolutely lucky to have you. I hope it's something you can get past.

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  • Sounds like anxiety and OCD at the fullest.

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    • Ive never had OCD or any signs of it

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  • Oh h, this is goddamn heartbreaking & really hard to read. My heart is broken for you. I'm an anxiety sufferer as well & I also have driving anxiety, so I relate 100%. This pandemic is really awful for people who are prone to anxiety. It magnifies everything.

    It's really good that you are seeing a doctor. I understand the temptation to avoid your appointments, but i think it's really important that you go. Your anxiety is so bad that it's manifesting itself in physical ways. It's making you feel sick & interrupting your sleep. That's really serious.

    I think you should make another appointment & maybe broach the topic of going on medication. I think it might be helpful for you. I also think you might want to talk to your dr about ways to communicate with your dad & possibly bring him in to an appointment. Sometimes family members just don't understand & can get really frustrated trying to deal with the crazy because all of their answers are rational since they aren't suffering from the same issues.

    You know this is not normal...to have such horrendous anxiety that your body physically breaks. I've felt that way too. It's awful, but you are doing the right thing by seeing a dr. Please don't skip your appointments. You need to go in & be really honest about everything & maybe consider having your dr speak with your dad.

    I really hope things get better. I am so sorry you're going through this.

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    • Thanks for your lovely comment.
      Unfortunately its just my dads personality hes been the same since before I ever had these issues so badly and I think if I brought him to see my doctor he wouldnt be very nice he has a tendency to always talk over my head and try to make me look stupid so I dont let him come with me places anymore.Its just another thing that weighs me down right now.

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      • : ( it's really an awful feeling to be invalidated by the people closest to you, but I get it. Your dad is just frustrated because he's approaching your situation in a rational way, and he just simply doesn't understand your behavior because he views it as irrational.

        I've been through massive anxiety myself. I can tell you what helped me. Idk if it would be of any use to you. For me, when I suffer from really bad anxiety I do 2 things. I get outside & exercise. Just hang out in the woods. The sun & the animals & being outside really helps. I also volunteer. Like get thy ass to an animal shelter or a soup kitchen. It's lame, but it REALLY helps to put things in perspective.

        Idk if any of that is helpful, but it's really good that you're seeing a dr. Any steps you are taking are steps in the right direction. It's not ok to feel ill because of your anxiety.

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