Potato: One thing I learned is that the higher your defense wall is, the easier it is to get someone. For example, when I was anti-social a few years back, I had TONS and TONS of women flocking over me. Mainly because I:
- Ignored them (to an extent.)
- Did not obsess over their beauty.
- Had an attitude of not caring weither I'm liked or not.
- Was mysterious (barely talked to them.)
The "defense wall" type of body language causes women to WANT you. I think it's because women don't like to big ignored and then they see a man with a high defense wall, it's a big challenge to them.
Maybe if I can look back at those years, but use a slightly different technique this time, it may actually work. It kind of reminds me of math. You may get half of the formula right, but you need the other bits and pieces of the formula in order to have success.
I remember one time there was girl that liked me in her 30's and she was being very very pushy. I mean, she gave me her phone number and everything. This was a turn off to me because the girl was being too forceful, and I could tell by reading her body language on what she was trying to do.
One thing I also learned is that words don't always mean everything according to socializing with people. People can "read minds" by reading body language, and if you can't show the right body language, it could be problems for you.
I now realize that women are reading body language rather than going by words a lot. So the key here is to use your head and know how to work with body language.
If I can somehow raise my defense wall and use the correct ways to show good body language towards a woman, I may have something going. But in the meantime, I need to learn new steps of women in the future.
I can't help but wonder if this is the sort of thing, though, that is not meant to be strategized too closely. You seem to be trying to work this out like a game, as though you were plotting out Chess moves. This works well when you're dealing with games that have a limited number of possible solutions, but it doesn't always work so well with people. People are endlessly complicated, and most of us resist trying to be "solved."
I do agree with you that neediness tends to drive people away, and you should strike a balance between being available and appearing desperate. That might take some practice. Do you have a trusted female friend who might be able to work out some scenarios with you? A little role playing might help you to work through some of the possible steps in meeting someone and going through the various phases of asking them out, etc. She might also be able to pick up on some of the body language cues you've mentioned here, if that might be a source of some of the trouble you're experiencing.
Above all, DON'T over-analyze this, though. Finding love is a great deal like trying to get a stubborn cat to sit in your lap. No matter how much you coax it to come to you, it resists your attempts. Finally you give up the effort, and decide to sit down and read a book. Then, all of the sudden, the damned cat leaps into your lap, purring and friendly as can be. It's often when you relax and let nature take its course that things finally go your way.
Women running off/drifting away
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Potato: One thing I learned is that the higher your defense wall is, the easier it is to get someone. For example, when I was anti-social a few years back, I had TONS and TONS of women flocking over me. Mainly because I:
- Ignored them (to an extent.)
- Did not obsess over their beauty.
- Had an attitude of not caring weither I'm liked or not.
- Was mysterious (barely talked to them.)
The "defense wall" type of body language causes women to WANT you. I think it's because women don't like to big ignored and then they see a man with a high defense wall, it's a big challenge to them.
Maybe if I can look back at those years, but use a slightly different technique this time, it may actually work. It kind of reminds me of math. You may get half of the formula right, but you need the other bits and pieces of the formula in order to have success.
I remember one time there was girl that liked me in her 30's and she was being very very pushy. I mean, she gave me her phone number and everything. This was a turn off to me because the girl was being too forceful, and I could tell by reading her body language on what she was trying to do.
One thing I also learned is that words don't always mean everything according to socializing with people. People can "read minds" by reading body language, and if you can't show the right body language, it could be problems for you.
I now realize that women are reading body language rather than going by words a lot. So the key here is to use your head and know how to work with body language.
If I can somehow raise my defense wall and use the correct ways to show good body language towards a woman, I may have something going. But in the meantime, I need to learn new steps of women in the future.
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JanIAm
15 years ago
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I can't help but wonder if this is the sort of thing, though, that is not meant to be strategized too closely. You seem to be trying to work this out like a game, as though you were plotting out Chess moves. This works well when you're dealing with games that have a limited number of possible solutions, but it doesn't always work so well with people. People are endlessly complicated, and most of us resist trying to be "solved."
I do agree with you that neediness tends to drive people away, and you should strike a balance between being available and appearing desperate. That might take some practice. Do you have a trusted female friend who might be able to work out some scenarios with you? A little role playing might help you to work through some of the possible steps in meeting someone and going through the various phases of asking them out, etc. She might also be able to pick up on some of the body language cues you've mentioned here, if that might be a source of some of the trouble you're experiencing.
Above all, DON'T over-analyze this, though. Finding love is a great deal like trying to get a stubborn cat to sit in your lap. No matter how much you coax it to come to you, it resists your attempts. Finally you give up the effort, and decide to sit down and read a book. Then, all of the sudden, the damned cat leaps into your lap, purring and friendly as can be. It's often when you relax and let nature take its course that things finally go your way.