I don't know if this is any help, but I'll tell you anyway. My daughter (against both our wishes) lived with her father from the age of 5 to 13, when he died and she came to live with me as a rebellious teenager I had no idea how to handle.
She was angry and violent and stole from me, which was horrible because we'd both always wanted to be together.
A friend with a daughter the same age suggested I respond calmly and consistently with such statements as "I am not going to allow you to hit me" or "When you ...... (do whatever it was) I feel (whatever it was) and I want you to ....... suggest an alternative". For example, if she's stealing sit down & include her in the your financial situation, work out a reasonable amount for an allowance.
It took a while and she also had some counselling, but it was worth it.
The suggestions to foster out a 12 year old or show her the door are just ridiculous: she didn't ask to be born and she is your responsibility (along with her other parent, who isn't mentioned): you're the grown up and if you can't work out a reasonable way of responding you need to get some counselling/parenting advice yourself.
Humour can help too: when I'm caring for my grand daughter and she spends too long in the shower or leaves lights on all over the house< i go into a routine that the water or electricity people have rung up and complained and they're on their way to talk to her. She knows it's a joke, but it works better than yelling "get out of that shower now" or "turn off lights when you leave the room".
Why does my daughter treat me badly
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I don't know if this is any help, but I'll tell you anyway. My daughter (against both our wishes) lived with her father from the age of 5 to 13, when he died and she came to live with me as a rebellious teenager I had no idea how to handle.
She was angry and violent and stole from me, which was horrible because we'd both always wanted to be together.
A friend with a daughter the same age suggested I respond calmly and consistently with such statements as "I am not going to allow you to hit me" or "When you ...... (do whatever it was) I feel (whatever it was) and I want you to ....... suggest an alternative". For example, if she's stealing sit down & include her in the your financial situation, work out a reasonable amount for an allowance.
It took a while and she also had some counselling, but it was worth it.
The suggestions to foster out a 12 year old or show her the door are just ridiculous: she didn't ask to be born and she is your responsibility (along with her other parent, who isn't mentioned): you're the grown up and if you can't work out a reasonable way of responding you need to get some counselling/parenting advice yourself.
Humour can help too: when I'm caring for my grand daughter and she spends too long in the shower or leaves lights on all over the house< i go into a routine that the water or electricity people have rung up and complained and they're on their way to talk to her. She knows it's a joke, but it works better than yelling "get out of that shower now" or "turn off lights when you leave the room".