Why do i feel like this toward her, this isn't me...

You see I have lived with my mother almost all my life but, no one in my family could tell you a thing about me. I'm always locked in my room (not literally) and no one really pays attention. During the short time that I was away from my mother, so many years ago, I was abused and hurt a lot and had developed what most people would call an 'Inferiority complex' and also became temporarily mute.

It still haunts me.

When I was back with my mother she told me not to really say anything but didn't notice that not only did I say nothing about THEM but nothing at all. She really didn't care; I guess she preferred her friends over me anyway. Long story short, over the years I developed a very violent, very hateful attitude toward her in particular when she tried to become involved only when I was to graduated high school.

My friend recently visited me and asked me what my problem was around her, why I was so 'stiff' and 'mean' and asked me did I love her. I'm not the most talkative person mind, so I just shrugged. She said it was weird that I didn't care about someone so 'nice' and 'understanding' as my mom. I'm usually nice to other people who are willing to be nice to me so she thought it was just so weird that I didn't talk to her or look at her, or even acknowledge her when she tried to play with me.

I don't want to seem mean to my mother, and I had recently never thought about it until my friend brought it up so I wonder is there a problem with me. Am I really being a selfish and misunderstanding of my mother?