Why do i feel guilty?

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8 Comments

Well I have been feeling so guilty about not doing every thing I can to help my family. My husband and I do not have children. I feel like since I do not have children I should help all of my family with children. My mom and dad are in a bad situation. My dad has screwed people over with money he may go to jail because of it. I have sisters that live with them and are constantly being promised things by my parents and my parent almost always breaking there promises. My older sister is getting a divorce from and has three children. I feel like I should find her a job a car and be there for my nephews as much as possible. I feel like I should try to give my sister everything I can to help her. She has never worked and I is acting like she is 21 again. She is not helping her self and I still feel like I need to help her. I have given my mom and dad money on a couple of occasions and I have never been repaid. My mom constantly complains she is going to leave my dad because of him not paying bills. I need to save my money and I am just starting my life and savings with my husband and hopefully want to have children soon. I guess my point is that should I continue to feel guilt and fight with my husband about helping them. Is this usual? Please help. Give me advice. Thanks!

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  • zoebobo
    13 years ago | pl

    You are not financially responsible for anyone except yourself-until you have kids. It is your sisters' responsibility to find herself a car and a job and your parents responsibility to get themselves out of whatever financial debt they are in. However, you can be there for them emotionally and help in ways that you can. Babysit your nephews and nieces or visit them and bring a fun game. Your money is your money and you cannot take on other people's problems. Come up with personal boundaries for yourself and stick to them. And if you're feeling guilty just know that as long as you are there to emotionally support and listen to your family you're doing the right thing.

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    • roniaries
      13 years ago | pl

      Thank you so much for your comments. It really helps to see how others see the situation.

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  • cherishme1
    13 years ago | pl

    WOW! at first i thought you were a god send, but as i read on i thought enabler. sounds like they need to get out and be responsible for the own actions. its very nice and considerate of you helping them finacially. who couldnt use the help? the family with children, help the kids, clothes and necessities, let welfare do the rest if she doesnt want to work and provide. you probably worked hard to get where you are. your needs are meet and husband needs are meet, share your blessing, gift with love, try not to enable let them believe you will bail them out. you have yourself to take care of also, thanks for sharing. you are very kind for your help, it will come back to you ten times over!

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  • deedee1111
    13 years ago | pl

    Dont feel guilty they sound like a bunch of losers I had some of those in my life I moved away and never let them know where I live. If you cant move tell them not to come over or call you until they quit expecting anything from you, if you cant do that well dont complain about it.

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  • redspark
    13 years ago | pl

    Don't do it

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  • JuliusE
    13 years ago | pl

    You are SUPER co-dependent. You need to work on YOU. Bc YOU are seriously messed up. Stop enabling everybody, your only HURTING them and KEEPING them SICK. You are sick an need to go to some al-anon meetings or seek profession help

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  • [email protected]
    13 years ago | pl

    Wonderful comments both! I also deal with guilt over my past mistakes but I can tell you that you are already doing the right thing, don't feel bad. It's your life, not your responsibility!

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  • runnergirl
    13 years ago | pl

    Agree with Zoe. It's not your responsibilty. Helping people who don't help themselves is called enabling, or a codependent. It's a mental illness, it usually comes from low self esteem and a desire to make you feel more valuable. You are valuable and wonderful even when you practice tough love and watch people face the consequences of their actions!

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