Why are parents abandonding their children?

of course, i dont know what that means. i have parents, they didnt literally give me away. but they emotionally abandonded me.

i mean, when i was younger, when i was six, my dad would go out and play some baseball with me or have nachos late at night when we both were hungry or my mother gave me some hot milk with honey when i suddenly awoke from nightmares and tried to comfort me. and now that im in my mid-twenties its just normal that they dont do all of that.

but it started way earlier, these moments got fewer and fewer the older i grew. and when i turned seven and my two younger sisters were just like these sad puppies i always watched in the bailey it just all stopped.

they were never home. they always worked. it felt like they didnt care, like they didnt give a single f**k. i know that they wanted us three to have a good life and i dont want to be unappreciative but if i could have a choice this wouldnt be what i wanted. id rather live the life of a poor person and be happy about what i have than to feel as empty as a piece of sh*t.

they werent home to see how strong their children grew. they werent there when i graduated from elementary and they werent after i finished junior high and high school. they werent atching when i had a football match. they werent watching when we three had a theatre play. they werent even there for the graduation ceremony of my dear sisters.

i can understand if they werent satisfied. to be honest i skipped school a lot and they most likely know all about it. i didnt feel good. didnt want them to know until recently. they were never home to listen. when they came all they wanted was sleep.
i cant blme them, i just wished, my deepest wish was that they were home. that they took a day or two off and idk went swimming with us or visited the zoo when we grew up.

im thankful that they at least took the time to drive me to my present psychoanalyst. holy crap! i dont know where i would be now. i wouldnt take my medication now, id have gone nuts and i feel so bad about it though it never happened.

but for what reason? they dont seem to care at all. if i had depression it would just be some little sickness to get over. if i was taking morphium claiming i was not an addict when i was then i would just be lieing to gain their attention. if i just would drink myself into coma i would just be the sick idiot that they incubated for the sake of reproduction.

why would parents leave their children alone? it is said that those left on their own without love will die an early age, i wonder why im alive.